THE STANDARD READER
The Standard Reader Books in Brief Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt (Crown, 288 pp., $24.95). There's no such thing as a "good divorce." So argues...
...She notes that a correlation exists between divorce and a child's attitude toward God...
...Marquardt takes issue with the popular wisdom of our day, which says that "divorce is no big deal" and has little effect on children...
...Sadly, more than half of all marriages end in divorce...
...Overwhelming research has shown that children do best when raised in a healthy, two-parent family with a mother and father...
...This "happy talk," as she coins it, claims that the child will suffer only in the short term and will be saved from the worse fate of continuing to grow up in a troubled household...
...They interviewed 1,500 adults, and compared those who grew up in divorced households with those who grew up in intact families...
...On the other hand, children from intact homes have greater respect for their parents and are more cognizant of the sacrifices made on their behalf...
...Half experienced their parents' divorce before they were 14, while the other half grew up in intact families...
...And approximately one million children every year must pick up the pieces of their shattered childhood in the aftermath of their parents' inability to stay together...
...Loredana Vuoto...
...Rather, she acknowledges that divorce is "a vital option for ending bad marriages," especially when domestic violence is involved...
...These children are less likely to drop out of school, suffer from depression, commit suicide, or engage in at-risk behaviors...
...Although she understands that divorce may be necessary, she wants to make certain that the spiritual and moral effects it has on children are acknowledged...
...Moreover, children of divorce have a hard time seeing their parents as moral guides...
...So argues Elizabeth Marquardt, an affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values...
...As they try to make sense of it all, a deep loneliness creeps in, and they no longer feel safe...
...Marquardt is not attempting to ban divorce or overturn no-fault divorce laws...
...nor is she trying to demonize parents who part ways...
...Marquardt's findings are based on a survey she conducted with sociologist Norval Glenn from the University of Texas...
...According to Marquardt, even though many children of divorce are able to become successful adults and lead healthy, normal lives, the effects of divorce always linger long after the fact...
...Divorce harms children for the rest of their lives...
...Marquardt's research challenges Constance Ahrons's study, which concluded most children of divorce do not suffer long-term effects...
...Feeling betrayed by some of their parents' marital infidelities, they struggle with respecting their parents and turning to them for moral advice...
...Adults from divorced parents are less religious than those from married households...
...Rather, divorce dramatically shapes the inner lives of children, and leaves its mark well into adult life...
...Children of both "good" and "bad" divorces are robbed of their childhood and are forced to become "little adults," who are more concerned about their parents' needs than their own...
...Ahrons is a sociology professor at the University of Southern California and author of The Good D'^'v^ce and We^re Still Family: What ^mwn Children H^'ve to Say About Their Parents' Divorce...
...They end up getting caught in the middle of their parents' arguments and placed in the difficult position of keeping their secrets...
...Most children of divorce also struggle to decipher the different values and lifestyles presented by their parents and suffer an identity crisis as a result...
...Marquardt also explores the religious beliefs of children of divorce...
...In her new book Marquardt debunks the myth that children of divorce— even those children whose parents divorce amicably—do not suffer emotional and psychological scars from the dissolved family unit...
...Building on Judith Waller-stein's work in The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, which chronicles the psychological effects of divorce on children, Marquardt examines the spiritual and moral ramifications...
...She contends that children from divorce are resilient and that only 20 percent suffer lasting effects...
...Critics who claim Marquardt's work is biased because her parents divorced when she was two years old fail to realize that it was precisely this difficult experience that helps her understand divorce from a child's perspective...
...But this view contradicts the overwhelming testimony of those surveyed, who reveal that divorce does indeed have real and lasting effects...
...Marquardt disagrees and paints a more complete picture...
...Marquardt's personal journey and work are appropriate testaments to their pain...
...Moreover, she argues that the problems these children carry into their adult life occurred long before the divorce of their parents...
...Many of the adults she interviewed blamed their parents for their rejection of a loving and caring God...
...Mar-quardt's book further confirms that a child's moral and spiritual well-being is directly related to a family's ability to remain intact...
...These children were also less encouraged by their parents to pray or practice a religious faith...
Vol. 11 • January 2006 • No. 16
