A ROOM OF OUR OWN

...We located some leftover chocolate cake, still in good shape, and I guess I ate 8 or 9 pieces during the morning...

...To top it off, we hurried to get through at night, and I was back in the hut 15 minutes before the other guys got in from night classes...

...The lack of perspective demonstrated by both these parents was rationalized in a school of thought which held that the child's "personality" should not be interfered with...

...The cook made cinnamon rolls after lunch, so I ate cinnamon rolls all afternoon...

...From birth we must be on the alert to give the child as much responsibility (which is the counterpart of freedom) as he can carry, at the same time accepting the responsibility which is ours...

...I only see my husband's wonderful ones...

...I have never forgotten her reaction, nor that of a famous psychologist whom I went to call on at about the same period...

...Most of us feel better, more secure, when we feel reasonable, and I have found children very responsive to reason...

...One of them said to me recently, "I think we made a mistake in not being harder on our children, don't you...

...As the child develops we should be able to shift more and more over to him until he is an independent being...

...It was about 11 o'clock in the morning and he apologized for receiving me in his bathrobe but explained that he had been up most of the night with his young adopted son who had been ill...

...Although it is too early to say how this will "turn out", I will say that as a modus operandi it has worked with amazingly little friction...

...My point is that one can not "get away with" manufacturing artificial disciplines for our youth...

...breakfast, or groan at having to eat everything on their plates...

...And the artificial break that comes in wartime when the boy turns 18 and the parents know that, for better or worse, their job is done, comes as a shock...

...Early in their lives I tried to make the distinction between the fields in which I felt the parents were responsible and the great area in which they were free or indeed required to make their own decisions...

...Counterpart Of Freedom Judy put her finger on what seems to me probably the most exacting problem, and that requiring the most skill, for the parent aiming at real security for the child...

...Instead of resting in admiration, like my aforementioned friend, of one's husband's fine traits coming out in the child, the perspicacious parent likewise recognizes weaknesses (from either ma or pa...

...But here, in the very cradle so to speak, it seems to me that we should face the fact that "security" is not a comfortable, static condition, but rather a way of meeting life...

...What do you think he is...

...By a rare mixture of craft and luck I avoided the dish washing completely, only having to wash out one large bread bowl...

...It is here, frankly, that I think the school of laissez faire education comes a cropper, since too often the common interpretation given amounts to the avoidance of responsibility on the part of adult and child...

...outside of that, the field is theirs...

...They would be better prepared for what they have to go through now...

...For the most part, however, my generation has reacted against what is considered the disciplinary philosophy of past generations, and has gone through a period of various forms of progressive education, where learning was made as easy and pleasant for both children and adults dealing with them...

...And do you know what this idiotic mother wrote...

...and tries to strengthen them so as to develop the best-rounded individual possible...

...Like all simple propositions, that sounds a lot easier than it is, and is therefore dangerous...

...To help a child achieve the training necessary to individual security requires, from my humble experience, an enormous amount of effort, in fact about everything one has and then some...

...On Bringing Up Children Although these were enlightened people for whose knowledge I had great respect, I felt at the time, as I do now, that knowledge cannot take the place of common sense...

...The reason, I think, that this has worked satisfactorily in our family is because it seems reasonable to the children...

...Everyone in the Army gold-bricks...

...Oh, of course they belly-ache when they oversleep and aren't permitted to dash off without an adequate (to mother...

...To be very personal for a moment, I believe in a certain amount of discipline but am absolutely opposed from a practical point of view to the arbitrary...

...But it certainly isn't easy...

...Although intellectually I realized that when our son Bob III left home for the Army I could do no more for his future development, I have had the most disgustingly motherly reactions to the trials and tribulations of Army life...

...Because if we really believe in the infinite capacity of the human being, as most of us unconsciously or consciously do, each child is a challenge to the parent and the teacher dealing with him...

...But these are unimportant compared with wearing the style of clothes they want, choosing their own recreation and friends, and so on...

...Perfectly serious, and starry-eyed, she replied, "Why, I never do...

...There are plenty of real ones at hand every day of our lives which we can avoid or meet according to our natures and our training...

...The voice of wisdom pulling mother back into perspective...

...A Room Of Our Own By Isabel B. La Follette YEARS ago when our children were very young, I was comparing notes with another mother, and I remarked more or less facetiously, "Isn't it discouraging to see one's own bad traits coming out in one's children...

...Practically, we have put it this way: in questions regarding their health and their training for the future I must accept the responsibility for decisions until they reach the "age of discretion...

...The spectacle of a five-year-old boy almost wrecking the days of two able adults didn't seem to enter the vision of the adults concerned...

...Most normal parents share, or often over-share, their worldly goods with their children, but beyond that there is infinite variety in their attitudes...

...Like his father he writes very free and therefore entertaining letters to which my emotions react like a leaf in the breeze...

...that the young American is an intelligent being and that purely arbitrary hardship and discipline on the part of the parent or school would merely send him elsewhere...

...Something about doing his share of the work...

...In fact, Judy said to me the other evening when she came in late from a party, "You know, because you give me so much freedom I am more conscientious than most of the others...

...It is pleasant to have a little peace and relaxation, although...

...Underneath, however, I realize that Bob is meeting his situation and in good spirit, as the following would indicate: "I had K. P. yesterday, and believe it or not, I almost enjoyed it...

...I expressed sympathy and inquired into the nature of the lad's illness...

...that if the parents have a comfortable home, enjoy their work and life, that the child naturally assumes that he should do the same...

...I like all the fellows in the hut...

...Each One A Challenge Of course we love our children and it is nice to have faith that they will "turn out well," with a minimum amount of effort...

...I told her that I did NOT think so...

...The induction of these young people into the discipline of the armed services and their adjustment thereto has caused the parents many a sleepless night...

...Pat McCorkle, a very large Irish youth, and I are the only ones in the hut tonight, as the others have pulled guard duty...

...I did manage to keep my face straight...

...They get the work out of them, alright...

...But Judy brought me up sharply with, "Mother...

...I felt then as I often remark to our children now, that "we are old a lot longer than we are young," which should be kept in mind by both parties...

...Imagine my thoughts when he replied, "Infantile insomnia," and went on to describe the symptoms as the boy's waking up and demanding to be read to at all hours of the night, so that the famous man and his distinguished wife danced attendance to the lad's tune...

...Now I understand at least one school of psychiatry informs us parents that there is very little we can do for our offspring other than giving them a "sense of security," and that this must be done before the age of seven when, for better or worse, the child is made or broken...

...What do they mean, "security...