A SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two A Good Catch The Philadelphia Bulletin holds Representative Bartholdt of Missouri accountable for this fish story. He is said to have perpetrated it at a Milwaukee banquet: "Those...
...It had a crust on it like iron...
...There he regaled himself with a large glass of dark beer and a good five-cent cigar...
...What sinful extravagance...
...But he hated to give in...
...exclaimed the other...
...He had a soft, daft look, the old man I'm speaking of, and he sat on a park bench in the sun, with rod and line, as if he were fishing...
...We hold it still, like this, under our nose, and wave our face...
...His host, contemplating him in a friendly, protecting way, as he sipped and smoked, said: " 'So you were fishing, uncle...
...One Saturday morning old Josh found his oatmeal particularly unap petizing...
...Nice-looking old fellow, too...
...You go back home," answered the talented farmer to the messenger, "and tell your boss that I won't cut a potato for anyone...
...Now, ma, remember your promise...
...Fooled Himself Old Josh Lee was a miser, and he breakfasted every morning on oatmeal...
...The minister laughed...
...Nothing, muzzer," said Billy, calmly...
...To save fuel, he cooked a week's supply of oatmeal on Sundays...
...I open only one section at a time...
...And how many have you caught this morning?' "The old man blew a smoke cloud toward the ceiling...
...Then, after a pause, he said: " 'You are the seventh, sir.' " * * * Higher Economy Among the Japanese economy is held to be a high virtue...
...Oh, no...
...Then, when the last spoonful was gone, he grinned broadly, poured the whisky back into the bottle again, and said: "Josh, my son, I fooled you that time, you old idiot...
...It's a pity.' "Then, with a gentle smile, the passer-by approached the old man and said: " 'What are you doing?' " 'Fishing, sir,' answered the old man, solemnly...
...In my family, we use a fan for two or three generations, and this is how we do it: We open the whole fan, but we don't wear it out by waving it...
...Tit-Bits...
...I manage to make a fan last about twenty years," said one, "and this is my system: I don't wastefully open the whole fan and wave it carelessly...
...Bughouse...
...Well Maneuvered They were entertaining the minister at dinner, and after the dessert had been eaten little Johnny said: "Won't you have another piece of pie, Mr...
...Everybody's...
...Well Instructed Yells from the nursery brought the mother, who found the baby gleefully pulling small Billy's curls...
...Daft!' said a passer-by to himself...
...Well, Johnny, I believe I will have another slice...
...and if you don't you won't...
...Daft...
...but the line, with a worm on the hook, dangled over a bed of bright primroses...
...Never mind, darling," she comforted...
...Pathfinder...
...Some 'Taters An Easterner who had bought a farm in California heard of his neighbor's talent for raising large potatoes, so he sent his farm hand over to get a hundred pounds...
...Why, Billy," she cried, "what is the matter with baby...
...Twenty years for a good fan...
...only now he knows...
...Hobbs...
...He hated to waste that oatmeal...
...Yes, they remind me very much of the old man...
...Two old misers of Tokyo were one day discussing ways and means of saving...
...Baby doesn't know how it hurts...
...Well, uncle come and have a drink.' "The old man shouldered his rod and followed the kindly stranger to the corner saloon...
...That is good for about a year...
...Fishing, eh...
...You said if it was necessary to cut into the second pie I could have another piece...
...This supply, by the time Saturday came around, was pretty stiff and tough and hard to down...
...The oatmeal was hard to consume, but Josh, with his eye on the whisky, managed it...
...He took a mouthful of the cold stiff mixture—then he half rose, thinking he'd have to cook himself some eggs...
...So he took out the whisky-bottle, poured a generous glass, and setting it before his plate, he said: "Now, Josh, if you eat that oatmeal you'll get this whisky...
...said Johnny...
...Then I open the next, and so on until the fan is eventually used up...
...Half an hour later wild shrieks from the baby made her run again to the nursery...
...Argonaut...
...He is said to have perpetrated it at a Milwaukee banquet: "Those people," said Bartholdt, "remind me of the old man...
Vol. 7 • December 1915 • No. 12
