Boomers Step Aside
Clinton, Kate
Boomers, Step Aside Unplugged Kate Clinton Apiculturists have answered that famous Hamlet multiple-choice, existential question: a. to be b. not to be. The answer is b, not to be. On the West...
...We gave ourselves rhetorical goose bumps about freedom goose-stepping...
...We rocked from Elvis to the Beatles...
...It's time to step away from the hive...
...Spawn of World War II, we grew up on Spocks...
...Albert Einstein, one Alberto we can believe, said that after the bees disappear, humanity has about four years left...
...Kate "B is for benchmark" Clinton is a humorist...
...CCD "occurs when a hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, leaving only queens, eggs, and a few immature workers," says the London Independent...
...And I am one...
...Love meant never having to say you're sorry...
...Our idealism was supposedly killed with Martin Luther King and the Kennedys...
...Aided by our Uncle Toms-Brokaw and Hanks-the rich, who had not served in the first quagmire because they had other priorities, grew nostalgic for those so-called Greatest Generation wars...
...I don't want to sound like some Nostra Dame, but we have already begun to see a corollary collapse...
...The Vietnam War was our first quagmire...
...Iraqnam...
...This latest plague upon the land is called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD...
...On the West Coast, 60 percent of the bee colonies have gone missing...
...It is BBCC, Baby Boomer Colony Collapse...
...Though Hillary is a woman, there's cold comfort in, "You go to the polls with the candidate you have, not the one you wish you had...
...It just may become the buzz kill of BBCC...
...On the overachieving East Coast, 70 percent are has bee-ns...
...I'm sorry...
...Some late boomers got conservative, corporate, rich, did cocaine...
...When attacked in 2001, we were pumped up and ready...
...Talkin' 'bout my generation, George Bush, King Baby-Boomer-in-Chief, and his loyal cronies have not represented us well...
...We should just get out of the way: work for Habitat for Humanity, do Meals on Wheels, be literacy volunteers...
...Our work here is done...
...Now in our sixties, it's unseemly for us to be called Baby Boomers...
...Apian scientists posit many causes for the deaths of the bees: mites, pesticides, radioactive waves, cell phones, genetically altered foods, global warming, or all of the above...
...I think it's Starbucks in the groundwater...
...My Baby Boom generation has been endlessly, tediously fascinating to itself...
...We did drugs, inhaled, fought for civil rights for women, blacks, and gays...
...Quite frankly, I couldn't be happier...
...Absorbed by plants, the caffeine makes the bees busy-busy, then crazy-busy, then dead from overwork...
...Sounds like a planning meeting I once attended for a gay protest at the annual White House Easter celebration...
...In our inevitable fifties, many did Viagra, Botox, and hormones...
...Then there's the Bush Clinton Bush Clinton (BCBC) double helix of hubris...
...No more little bees' knees jutting from peonies, obscenely pantalooned in pollen...
...We are Geezer Boomers...
...The defining moment of his "Administration" is not 9/11 but Reno 911!, a cable cop show whose tagline is, "No one does a better job of not doing their job better...
Vol. 71 • July 2007 • No. 7
