Republicans Eat Their Own
Durst, Will
Republicans Eat Their Own Off the Map Will Durst I'm a little worried about the Republicans. I am. My job is to mock and scoff and taunt, and these days it's almost too easy. Like slam dunking...
...Initially, he blamed the bill's surfeit of Democratic earmarks...
...Causing him to switch tactics faster than a fifth-year art school undergrad disrobes at Burning Man...
...Comic, writer, actor, former radio talk show host and forklift operator Will Durst does not want to be the first jolly old elf to walk up to Don Imus at Christmas bellowing a hearty "ho, ho, ho...
...Next they'll complain Pelosi flew on a bigger plane than the Republican contingent...
...Not only isn't this your father's Republican Party...
...He compared "a normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime" to his heavily fortified trip to a cordoned-off market in Baghdad...
...And please stop with the Independent crap...
...Growing up, I was taught you don't kick people when they're down...
...The man is such a lapdog of the Administration, if you listen real close to C-SPAN, you can hear his toenails echo off the marble floors of the Rotunda...
...He's acknowledging the surge is working...
...An heirloom tomato and tofu timetable...
...He's striking a nationalist chord," he said...
...But lately to imply the GOP is a tad disorganized is like musing that Don Imus might not be first choice to play Santa at the 2007 NAACP Christmas Party...
...Meanwhile, in another part of town, Republicans jumped all over House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for meeting with Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad-conveniently ignoring the fact that three Republican Congressmen made the exact same trip and spoke to the very same Bashar Al-Assad in Damascus on April 1. Probably written off as an April Fool's Day prank...
...Republicans eating their own...
...Which I'm sure qualifies me as a weenie in their book...
...It's not even George Bush's father's Republican Party...
...Witness the retractable 8-penny serrated hobnails in the toes of Karl Rove's boots...
...Apparently he's only interested in an organic timetable...
...Funny, I grew up in the Midwest...
...Speaking of Iraq, that's where Representative Mike Pence put his foot in his mouth so deep, his Kevlar loafer surely got wrapped in his own lower intestine...
...Somebody must have a safety deposit box full of negatives of Lieberman, naked with a goat...
...Referring to Moqtada Al-Sadr's rally where hundreds of thousands burned American flags chanting "Americans Leave Now," Lieberman called it a good thing...
...Totally missed the whole armored Humvee, sharpshooters on roofs, bulletproof vest outdoor market shopping deal...
...He won't even be the top lawyer on that bus back to Texas...
...Not a pretty sight...
...Then he said he wouldn't sign the bill because of its artificial timetable for Iraqi troop withdrawal...
...On Capitol Hill you've got Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman...
...Like slam dunking from a stepladder...
...This is the country's top lawyer...
...And usurped frequent flyer miles rightfully belonging to Condoleezza Rice, who then proceeded to meet the Syrian foreign minister in Egypt after getting tips from Pelosi...
...The low point was when Gonzales said sometimes it came down to just not the right people at the right time, and Republican Senator Lind-sey Graham asked, "If I applied that standard to you, what would you say...
...Then there was Alberto Gonzales, who demonstrated advanced symptoms of amnesia in his appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee, when he claimed not to be able to recall anything . . . dozens of times...
...Then a couple of his own earmarks were found stapled to it, not to mention the scads of Republican legislative post-it notes attached to the $94 billion supplemental war funding bill he did sign last June...
...And the room erupted into laughter...
...Over at the White House, the President's head was in danger of snapping right off as he swiveled to and fro explaining why he refused to sign the $124 billion supplemental war funding bill being sent to him by the Democratic Congress...
Vol. 71 • June 2007 • No. 6
