The U.N. Goes to Junior High
Clinton, Kate
The U.N. Goes to Junior High Unplugged Kate Clinton Icould hardly get to the computer repair shop. My system crash had occurred as I wrote about the U.N. meeting in September in Manhattan. The...
...After listening to huge steaming piles of illogic for a respectful five minutes or so, let go with a guffawing, rip-snorting howl of bend-at-the-waist laughter...
...You should see what I'm writing...
...There was the "I know you are, but what am I?" taunting from Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad...
...So far this hidden weapon cannot be snared by the new Behavior Detection Officers on security...
...In his efforts to open religious dialogue, the Pope said that Islam is evil and inhuman...
...Unfortunately, some of these boys have nuclear sticks and stones...
...The on-looking crowd of delegates performed "Oh no you didn't" neck moves that needed no translation...
...To those esteemed protest methods, I would add the laugh-in...
...Now come on over for some beer and a brat...
...When I finally arrived, the computer guy told me, "Your logic board is broken...
...George Bush was talking directly to the Afghan people, as if they had electricity and were watching him on their flat panel TVs...
...Who is his press person...
...I was asked to leave...
...Kate "Guffaws for Peace" Clinton is a humorist...
...Of course it is," I responded...
...No, the laugh-in maneuver I'm talking about can be done in large groups or one-on-one...
...I tried the papal "apologia" in confession: "Bless me, father, I'm sorry you think I've sinned...
...The town was a grid-locked parking lot...
...Repeat...
...The United Nations had morphed into a middle school playground at recess...
...That person will never say those things again with any degree of confidence...
...If you have infiltrated a crowd, a lecture, or rally, let out your whoop, pound on the seat in front of you, recover yourself, then perhaps with a small wave of the hand, indicate to those around you that you've regained your composure...
...Perhaps it's the lingering sulfurous futility of trying to make something logical out of a war that has so twisted our times...
...If it's a one-on-one situation, or a small dinner party, as you right yourself after your hoot, wipe your eyes, try to catch your breath, sigh, look at the speaker, do a respectable double take, and wide-eye the person with, "Oh my God, you mean it...
...In addition to the bracing necessary acts of civic participation-working for a candidate, voter registration, running for office, voting, fundraising, phone banking, poll monitoring-I humbly suggest another tactic...
...The sit-in was a simple, brilliant tactic of the civil rights movement...
...Someone from Tom Cruise's old entourage...
...The raw data I've been inputting would shut down any logic board...
...In response to the selectively released intelligence study, which stated that our presence in Iraq is worsening the situation there, that master of illogic Dick Cheney said we must stay in Iraq because the situation is worsening...
...What to do in the face of such par-alyzingly deliberate illogic...
...In dizzying daily conversation, those who have changed their position on the war think they deserve more street cred than those who were against it from the start...
...Not that variety show from the Nixon years, though it is still quite subversive, even in reruns...
...Wait ten minutes and do it again...
...It's a sure-fire way to interrupt illogic...
...There was name-calling from Hugo Ch?vez...
...The die-in was a brilliant tactic of the AIDS movement...
...There was bullying...
Vol. 70 • November 2006 • No. 11
