A SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two Beautifying the Backyard "How's this, son. Yesterday you cleaned up the hack yard nicely, but to-day it looks worse than ever." "It's not my fault, dad. I fired everything over the...
...A Gentle Hint "I wish I hadn't eaten that cake," said Tommy...
...Golightly—Yes, we're going to Pasteur's...
...Looking Ahead An illustration of thrift is contained in the story of a Scotswoman who had been promised a present of a new bonnet by a lady...
...Golightly — What do you think, my dear...
...Argonaut...
...I was a good girl, Mamma," she announced...
...For the Sake of Humanity "Why did your father shave off his big mustache...
...asked hia mother...
...At times he is so bad he simply howls with the pain...
...How did you fall...
...That wasn't gratitude," replied the friend...
...I mean give up the ministry.—Ex...
...MacDuff, "I think I'll tak' a strae ane...
...I have a book at home in my library that contains every word of it" "Why, that can't be, Mr...
...When he'd dive and bob up, people kept taking him for a walrus, and how they would yell...
...Not long ago he met his doctor in the street...
...Before she made the purchase the lady called and asked the good woman, "Would you rather have a felt or a straw bonnet, Mrs...
...Oh, yes, I did," responded Lucille...
...All right," replied Mark...
...Goodfellow," he said, "I know a man who is suffering agonies from neuralgia...
...you shall have it," and the next morning Doctor Doane received with Mark Twain's compliments a dictionary.— Successful Farming...
...A kind-hearted lady came hurrying up with the anxious question, "Dear, dear...
...Pinchpenny had a habit of getting professional services free whenever he needed them by working some sort of dodge or other...
...He frightened the bathing girls...
...Oh, don't get discouraged," said his partner...
...MacDuff...
...What Luck...
...Her Party Speech Lucille was a carefully-brought-up little girl of five, and she returned in high glee from her first party...
...Well, I certainly should like to see that book," rejoined the rector with dignity...
...Chappie—Really...
...All the same, it is so," said Twain...
...After it was over Mark approached the Doctor and said politely: "I have enjoyed your sermon this morning...
...You'll get the hang of the game yet" "I don't mean give up the game," snapped the clergyman...
...Only yesterday an animal showed me gratitude...
...Such luck...
...I had lots more to eat than I 'spected to have.' "—Ex...
...Applegate...
...New York Evening Post...
...The cow thought she had twins...
...Judge...
...Tit-Bits...
...His Fitness A section foreman on a Southern railway heard the following conversation between two of his dusky laborers: "Jim, you bettah come here an' he'p me...
...Did you remember to say something nice to Mrs...
...He Gave Up After taking five ineffectual strokes to elevate his ball out of a bunker, a certain Burlingame clergyman, with a deep scowl on his face and distress in his eyes, threw down his niblick and exclaimed: "It's no use...
...Doane, now Bishop of Albany, was rector of an Episcopal church, he went to hear one of the clergyman's best sermons...
...We leave for Paris in an hour...
...Don't you feel well...
...It isn't that: but if I hadn't eaten it I would still be able to eat it...
...Recognized "Even animals show their feeling," remarked De Wolf Hopper, the comedian, to a friend the other day...
...I'll have to give it up...
...How She Fell The latest Boston story is about a small child who fell out of a window...
...all There When Mark Twain was living in Hartford, Connecticut, where Dr...
...Applegate just before leaving...
...I smiled at her and said: 'I enjoyed myself very much, Mrs...
...Mrs...
...W'y, dis here man say you ain't fit fer de dawgs, an' ah tole him yes you is.—Everybody's Magazine...
...I fired everything over the fence, but last night the kid next door slammed 'em back...
...Kansas City Journal...
...I's talkin' up fer you...
...I was wandering along a stream in the country when I met a cow in great distress...
...Weel," said Mrs...
...What would you do in that case...
...asked her mother...
...Argonaut...
...I welcomed it as I would an old friend...
...Her calf was drowning...
...My husband has just been bitten by a mad dog.—The Club-Fellow...
...Didn't Work Mr...
...Clemens," replied the rector...
...It'll maybe be a mouthful to the coo when I'm done wi' it...
...The child looked up at the questioner and replied, in a voice choked with sobs, "Vertically, ma'am...
...I suppose I should howl with pain, too...
...Well, I don't know," was the doctor's prompt reply...
...Mrs...
...No Use Housewife (reading in her grandmother's cherished cook-book)—"Poor man's cake.—Take seven eggs—" (Stops suddenly and closes the book...
...I plunged in the water and rescued the calf and the grateful cow licked my hand...
...How's dat...
...Troy Times...
Vol. 6 • October 1914 • No. 42
