You Call This Hard Work?
Durst, Will
Off the Map Will Durst You Call This Hard Work? You can say many things about George W. Bush. Here's just a few. • He has the speaking skills of a left tackle who played three seasons of Big 10...
...Not to mention five weeks dead solid summer in Texas has to be as enchanting as a herd of gut-shot armadillos tied to your ankle...
...The dew point down there is normally shaking hands with triple digits...
...That must be what the W stands for: "Whooaaa...
...He looks very well rested, and I'm thinking for good reason...
...People, five weeks is not a vacation: it's a retreat, a sabbatical...
...His head is so far up the butt of the Christian Right, the back and forth movement of his shoulders puts a shine on the rear of Pat Robertson's pants...
...This is a total 180 degree turnaround from Bill Clinton, who used to stay up till 3:00 in the morning talking policy with staff and visitors...
...The only people who get five weeks vacation are German trade unionists, Parisian waiters, and Santa Claus, and arguments can be made that the last two are fictional...
...When exactly does he work...
...So we may be talking cumulative brain fry here, which could explain a lot...
...Every Memorial Day you expect him to lay a wreath at the tomb of the unknown service record...
...Later this summer, Bush is scheduled once again to go on his customary thirty-five-day vacation to his Crawford, Texas, ranch...
...If you figure, eight to ten yearly trips to Crawford, every other weekend at Camp David, he goes to bed at 8:00, that means he's actually at work, what, about a week...
...For crum's sake, who goes to bed at 9:00...
...Nice gig...
...Sure seems to be a lot of brush there...
...Is that what he raises on that ranch: brush...
...But to say George Bush is not a workaholic is to say Nebraska is not known for its suspension bridges...
...Dude, the job doesn't pay much, but the perks are egregiously righteous...
...It's not just his early-bird-eatsworms lifestyle, but also his work habits that have me as confused as a chameleon on a kilt...
...Even his wife makes jokes about his penchant for hitting the hay around 9:00, which is about an hour before I even start work...
...Whenever news breaks, we always hear he was notified while working out in the gym or falling off his mountain bike or clearing brush on his ranch...
...As a small child was he frightened by the moon...
...I guess his people thought it prudent to wait until he was back safely playing in the sandbox...
...Must be why everybody wants to be President...
...Mountain biking in Maryland is where he supposedly was during the airspace incursion and partial evacuation of Washington, D.C., in May, which the Secret Service neglected to tell him about...
...Like George W. Bush, political comic Will Durst gets tuckered out just being near the vicinity of real work...
...I don't care what time you get up, that's three hours of sleep before midnight...
...And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know: With Clinton, the emphasis in "policy wonk" was definitely on the wonking...
...He has the speaking skills of a left tackle who played three seasons of Big 10 football without a helmet...
...But one thing you can't say about the 43rd President of the United States is the man needs some sleep...
Vol. 69 • August 2005 • No. 8
