Pickup Driving Liberal
Ivins, Molly
Small Favors Molly Ivins Pickup Driving Liberal I have a friend who once was a newspaperwoman herself. But then her paper, the Houston Post, folded, and she was driven by dire circumstance into...
...5) Enroll Congress in a hatha yoga course...
...3) Serve only chardonnay and brie at NFL events...
...Nor will I let myself be condemned as "unpatriotic" for any cheap or silly reason...
...However, she remains of a mind to be helpful...
...4) Insist that Bill O'Reilly co-host his show with Garrison Keillor...
...I like beer, wine, and red Nehi...
...Require all licensed gun owners to pass a written test on Edna St...
...To quote Texas Representative Senfronia Thompson, "I'm a Christian and a proud Christian...
...9) Equip Volvos with gun racks, start a weekly Jane Fonda Hour on Fox, and make Starbucks distribute a Jerry Falwell sermon with each copy of The New York Times...
...7) Revise FCC rules to require Clear Channel to broadcast three hours of opera per week...
...I'm a red state, beer drinking, pickup driving, country music loving, football fan liberal and have never experienced the least cultural confusion over any of it...
...And I've got enough trouble with my fellow Americans over stuff that really does matter...
...I read the good book and do my best to live by it...
...8) Star Dolly Parton in La Traviata at the Met...
...I love dogs, cats, and birds...
...I reproduce here a recent effort of hers, as I believe it holds much bran for thought...
...The reason I like this list is because so much of what America currently perceives as dangerous division in our country is horse piffle...
...baseball, football, and rodeo...
...6) Deny tenure to any professor who has not passed a shop course...
...So sue me, which you can't, because in Texas, we've now done three heavy rounds of tort deform, and no one can get into court anymore...
...For all I know, it proves I have no taste whatever...
...None of this proves I am better than my more knowledgeable and discriminating fellow citizens...
...But then her paper, the Houston Post, folded, and she was driven by dire circumstance into public relations...
...I eat meat, including venison, shop at Tar-jeh and Costco, hunt quail, and recently bid at a charity auction on a chance to drive ten laps around a NASCAR track...
...Point is, it ignores how much we have in common...
...I have never read the verse where it says, 'Gay people can't marry' I have never read the verse where it says, 'Thou shalt discriminate against those not like me.' I have never read the verse where it says, 'Let's base our policy on hate and fear and discrimination.' Christianity is to me love and hope and faith and forgiveness- not hate and discrimination...
...And whether your neighbor includes Steve Jobs, Yankees, rednecks, reporters, the Episcopal Bishop William Spong, people who watch Oprah, Red Sox fans, and folks who live in Differently Colored States...
...Require Garrison Keillor to provide Rush Limbaugh four broadcast minutes per hour to read monologues about his childhood home...
...Now, exactly what do you want to fight about...
...Here are ten suggestions for fostering dialogue and understanding between Red Staters and Blue Staters: 1) Require all liberals to carry guns...
...jazz, country, and Mozart...
...Divisiveness has had its fifteen minutes of fame and it clearly is time to start uniting...
...Molly Ivins, co-author of "Bushwhacked," writes in this space every month...
...I don't personally hate George W. Bush, even though I think he's a freaking disaster as President...
...OK, OK," she writes...
...10) Stage a debate among Bill Gates, Pat Robertson, and Bill Nye, the Science Guy, on whether loving your neighbor should be part of the high school curriculum...
...All of this kind of crap-who likes NASCAR, who likes opera- is the worst kind of class warfare, a superficial exploitation of taste and consumer differences that separate us from one another...
...Vincent Millay 2) Prohibit importation of any film featuring people with British accents unless it includes a) subtitles b) a car chase and c) two fist fights...
...But it does lead me to know that I ain't gonna be separated from what those of us in the South call "mah fellow citizens" for any cheap or silly reason...
Vol. 69 • July 2005 • No. 7
