The Five Stages of Grief
Durst, Will
Off the Map Will Durst The Five Stages of Grief Sometimes I look at the Democratic Party and don't know whether to laugh or to cry. These guys are as useless as ice skates on an escalator. The one...
...Of course the Republicans stole the election...
...Can't we go back to the halcyon days of the Gore-Lieberman campaign and our cherished Social Security lockbox...
...I don't know if anyone has been paying attention, but we just got our butts kicked...
...Will Durst definitely thinks this could work out for him, but he's a political comic...
...I say it again: Hah...
...More worms...
...Someone's going to have to take the blame for all the crap coming down and hmmm, you know what- this could work out for us...
...I hope Bush reinstates the draft...
...Meanwhile, in Bush's 2005 budget proposal, he's excluding costs for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as the price of his Social Security privatization scheme, while counting on a $200 billion surge in tax revenues...
...Can't wait for Bush's EPA to spin this one as a positive...
...He'll break through the blockade of deceit...
...If this budget were a book, they'd have to list it under the fiction category...
...Wait...
...Conyers is on the case...
...Three Supreme Court Justices...
...The one thing you do have to give them is their rank as Grandmaster Hall of Fame residents in the competitive sport of world class whining...
...DENIAL: "Wait...
...Hah, I say...
...And then you watch what happens...
...Oh, woe is we...
...The economy is going to tank so deep Lou Dobbs is going to need a deep water submersible just to report on it, and to call Iraq a quagmire is like saying Scott Peterson might not receive a slew of party invites...
...And then repeat: hah hah...
...Oh, and let's not forget Patriot Act II: This time it's personal...
...That's the honorable thing to do...
...They're shocked, shocked by the corruption going on in this country...
...Oh,webig time corporate hustlers don't care to mess with the system with trillions of dollars in profits on the line...
...Game over, man...
...Does the term 'the Ukraine' have any meaning here...
...It's not over...
...What will happen to the children...
...ANGER: "Screw Florida, screw all old people, screw the Christian Right, and screw the damn kids...
...Bush has also relaxed Ford-era guidelines for managing the nation's 155 national forests, making it easier to allow logging and drilling...
...DEPRESSION: "Three Supreme Court Justices...
...Did you hear what I said...
...Either the Dems knew this was going to happen or they're stupider than I give them credit for, and I give them immense credit for being stupid...
...BARGAINING: "Where's Al Gore when we need him...
...Finally, a new study says 10 percent of the world's bird population faces extinction...
...We'll just abide by the will of the people...
...Wait...
...You lame weenie butts...
...This guy won't be happy till he eliminates shade...
...Less windshield solvent washed into our waterways...
...Dear God, you can have Kerry, just let us have Hillary at full strength...
...We're going to recount Ohio...
...Those Republican no-goodniks stole our precious election...
...ACCEPTANCE: "Well, I hope you're happy, because you know what...
...They'll probably think of trying it next time (and dismiss it out of hand), but after November 2 they were too busy progressing through the five stages of Democratic grief...
...So, allowing them the benefit of the doubt, I blame them for not stealing the election first...
...Noise pollution down...
...That they'd just sit back and let the big money chips fall where they may...
...They got away with stealing it last time: What did you expect would happen this time...
Vol. 69 • February 2005 • No. 2
