Kerry, Sigh
Ivins, Molly
Small Favors Molly Ivins Kerry, Sigh Well, it was a swell primary season, and here we are with John Kerry. Sigh. He's worthy. He has gravitas. He's our boring stiff. When will the doctors be able...
...So Kerry is not a dynamic speaker...
...One paragraph later, Item Three accused the Democrats of intending to run "the dirtiest campaign in modern Presidential politics...
...But such is the richness of our political life that even a contest between two bores can be infinitely entertaining...
...For those wondering why Bush's speech-writers put the earth-shaking problem of steroid use into his State of the Union address, we now have the answer...
...Of course, Bush has already taken ten times as much special interest money as Kerry in this election cycle and four times as much money directly from lobbyists, but hey, who's counting...
...that Rod, what a card...
...Does it get better than that...
...that Dick, he's a laugh riot...
...The finalists are: "The Cash Cowboys," "The Funding Fathers," "Profiteers," "Robber Barons," and "Weapons of Mass Corruption...
...I thought I had the vapors when I heard there was special interest money in politics...
...What a knee-slapper...
...Regard one Republican attack on John Kerry...
...Molly Ivins, co-author of "Bushwhacked, " writes in this space every month...
...At least he's not a boring dimwit...
...Lawsy, I had to sit down and fan myself...
...Lost 2.3 million...
...Honest, the Republicans sent out a video e-mail to six million supporters calling Kerry the candidate of special interests...
...They accused him of taking special interest money...
...Not that we have to worry about jobs...
...Dick Cheney got off a great riff, too: "If Democratic policies had been in place over the last two to three years, the kind of tax increases both Kerry and Edwards are talking about, we would not have had the kind of job growth we've had...
...Education Secretary Rod Paige has done his bit to add to the national cheer with his hilarious joke about how the National Education Association is "a terrorist organization...
...When will the doctors be able to do a humor transplant...
...It was Bush's idea," Time magazine explains...
...You have to raise $200,000 to be a Bush "Ranger...
...When The Washington Post reported that the Bush team was inventing an even higher category of mega-donors who raise $500,000, the Public Campaign Action Fund sponsored a contest to name this new group of Bush givers...
...I think we need at least two paragraphs between spreading nasty gossip and then bemoaning the spread of nasty gossip...
...The Bush campaign has a category of fundraisers even higher than the "Pioneers," who raise a measly $100,000 to reelect the Caesar of Crawford...
...I've had burgers that qualified as "durable goods," so why the hell not...
...Also amusing was the flapette, started by the egregious Drudge, over an unfounded piece of gossip about Kerry's private life...
...And that Kerry had taken some...
...The Administration's latest brilliant and creative response is to suggest changing hamburger-flipping, freedom-frying, and pickle-relish-adding positions from "service" to "manufacturing...
...Nice, huh...
...My mantra for any criticism of any of the Democratic contenders has been, "Compared to George W Bush...
...GOPUSA forthwith sent out a newsletter with the gossip listed as Item One...
Vol. 68 • April 2004 • No. 4
