Say it, Bush: "My Bad"
Durst, Will
Off the Map Will Durst Say it, Bush: "My Bad" All I want the President to say is, "Oops, my bad." Is that too much to ask? I know the chances of prying an apology from a politician are about the...
...Now that it's clear no weapons of mass destruction will be found, the new party line is that Saddam could have had weapons of mass destruction...
...Unanimous decision...
...Grew up without doubt...
...Hell, I'd hold a series of bake sales to fund that project myself...
...He, of all people, spent an entire week mocking Howard Dean's red-faced Iowa rant...
...Now that the Democratic race is winding down, here are some parting awards for the contestants...
...The Pull Out All the Stops Award: Joe Lieberman...
...Referred to it as a "split decision for third place...
...The Your Sense of Humor Is All You Got When You Look at Yourself in the Mirror in the Dark Award: Dennis Kucinich...
...Will Durst says next time move the New Hampshire primary...
...The Unclear on the Meaning of the Word "Irony" Award: Chris Matthews...
...Back where I come from, that's called elder abuse...
...That's only slightly more than you and I got in New Hampshire, and you weren't even there...
...There you go...
...Bush has even been forced to call for an investigation into his own intelligence, and you know what's going to happen: They're not going to find anything...
...Unless he's the man going to Mars, that is...
...Bush had "no doubt" his intelligence was correct...
...Called his fifth-place single-digit New Hampshire finish a victory...
...Speaking of his 1 percent vote in the Granite State, he said, "The battle for sixth place continues...
...Which is a mite different than being able to "launch a biological or chemical attack in as little as forty-five minutes...
...He had no doubt his tax cuts for the wealthy were going to stimulate the economy...
...Of course, you got to remember this "could have" information comes from the very same people who a year ago relished branding anybody with the temerity to disagree with their assessment as being nothing but substandard tools of the Dark Prince himself-and no, I'm not talking about Dick Cheney...
...One percent...
...Fine win in a very competitive category...
...The I Can Spin the World Award: Joe Lieberman...
...No doubt the deficit was going to magically morph into a surplus...
...Well, there's your problem right there...
...Temporarily ditched suspicion he was a Lincoln animatron escaped from Disneyland's Hall of Presidents...
...I know the chances of prying an apology from a politician are about the same as extracting infected molars from a wolverine with a pair of chopsticks, but still I have this burning desire to hear him say it out loud...
...He never has any doubt...
...If this state were anymore Caucasian, it would be translucent...
...Or spooky...
...Best Achievement in Special Effects: John Kerry's hair...
...The Loosey Goosey Award: John Kerry...
...Back then, Saddam possessed voluminous amounts of weapons of mass destruction and was aiming them at us with his shaky crazy finger hovering over the button...
...This guy was good...
...No doubt we can take policemen off the streets and use the money to send a man to Mars...
...If you ask me, the man needs to cultivate a little doubt...
...Trotted out his eighty-nine-year-old mother to campaign for him in sub-zero weather...
...You can almost smell the desperation when the Administration trumpets the fact that Bill Clinton also thought Hussein had weapons of mass destruction...
...Bush citing Clinton as a credible source...
...Pretty soon we'll find out our evidence comes from a waitress who found the words "weapons," "mass," and "destruction" doodled on the back of a Hooters napkin left by a guy who said he'd been to Baghdad...
...Most Creative Nickname Award: John Edwards-Kentucky Fried Kennedy...
...It's whiter than the Osmond Family Christmas in Norway Special...
...The Shoot Yourself in the Foot Award: General Wesley Clark, for saying, of John Kerry, "He was only a captain, I was a general...
...Like Pat Robertson buying a fringed leather skirt because it looked good on Christina Aguilera...
Vol. 68 • April 2004 • No. 4
