UNPLUGGED
Clinton, Kate
unplugged Kate Clinton Chicken McPat During the primaries, Pat Buchanan was like a gas—if there was space, he'd fill it. In non-primary times he is a more contained gas bag. Rumor has it he is now...
...Just goes to show that great quantities of disposable income make people stupid...
...I think we are watching the ever-quickening deadly Disneyification of the world...
...Disney: We put the fun in fundamentalism...
...They love women over there...
...This year for the first time, I claimed my "partner"—all this work on gay marriage and you'd think we'd have a better word— as a codependent...
...I was in Texas when my taxes were due...
...We had to check any personal electronic devices at the door...
...K. changed his name to the Una-embalmer...
...In the absence of the Buchanan blitzkrieg, bizarre news is bubbling up from both the animal and human kingdoms...
...After figuring my large layout of often-spurned gay money to the seasonal tax-service industry and writing out the check to the IRS, I must admit to a certain moment of sympathy with the Freemen of Montana...
...But that doesn't mean I'm going to take my town hostage...
...By the way...
...At the other end of the consumption scale, how 'bout that Jackie O tag sale...
...We cut our own hair...
...But take heart...
...Note: I do not know how much longer I will be able to do this monthly column, as I have applied for the recently vacated job of editor at The New Republic...
...In response, the Texas Board of Tourism voted to pull Spanking the Monkey from the one art house where it was being shown...
...My hosts reassured me that the outbreak was in a very remote area of Texas, as if that narrowed it down, and that the strain wouldn't affect humans...
...Think Mouselini...
...At the Strike and Very Spare Lanes...
...Convention...
...Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf has been named director of the Quality Value Channel, QVC, so hurry and get your cubic zirconium flak jackets...
...It was also the tenth anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster, so color me skeptical, especially after the Russian reactor obliged with a celebratory flare-up...
...First, there's the monkey problem in Texas...
...and McDonald's...
...It's not that I miss Pat, I just don't like it when he's quiet...
...See Pat with goofy yellow hard hat perched on head...
...A certain perverse interest in the Una-bomber story—maybe it's just my unnatural fondness for hooded sweatshirts—led me to attend the second annual Luddite Kate "I Love Poets Month" Clinton is a humorist...
...the Montana legislature, so taken with Theodore K's look, unanimously voted for a new license-plate slogan—Montana...
...Not one to miss out on publicity, Dr...
...That wasn't Camelot, honey...
...None of the sessions was videotaped or audio-taped...
...Just so happens I was in Texas that week, not for the NRA convention in Dallas (though Marion Hammer and Marge Schott do make a nice couple) but for a show...
...In the evening we all went bowling...
...In test markets in New Hampshire, McDonald's is serving up Chicken McPat, all right wings and assholes...
...And all over Montana, small enterprise flourished, as Kaczynski Bike Shops: Used and New opened for business...
...From the people who brought you fat chance...
...The Raison d'Avoir is now the Dancing Raison d'Etre of capitalism...
...All assurances aside, Phil Gramm, curious George Bush, and Ross Perot Party of One do prove a certain "downwind-from" theory...
...That was Camelotta money to burn...
...I worry about what's happening in Central Florida...
...Rumor has it he is now foreman of the Big Wall/Rio Grande construction project between Texas and Mexico...
...I like knowing where he is, squinting and squealing...
...It could happen...
...Check your masthead...
...Some people worry about what's happening in Central America...
...Alone...
...Meanwhile, Minnie Mouse is becoming Maxi Mouse as Disney links up with ABC, the FCC...
Vol. 60 • June 1996 • No. 6
