UNPLUGGED
Clinton, Kate
UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Baywatch On Ash Wednesday, the day after Pat Buchanan's upsetting win in the New Hampshire primary, it was announced that 648 Sisters of Notre Dame would be donating their...
...Pinch me, there's a heart and soul to the Republican Party...
...No word either if the sisters' practically bionic kneecaps were to be donated to the National Baseball League's Yogi Berra Home for Retired Catchers...
...I'm picturing Renaissance Fairs and Xena, Warrior Princess...
...The GOP eating its own...
...She is a hovercraft lurking behind him...
...When he started to careen demonically into an imitation of soldiers marching cross-country at the sound of the gun, she wisely took the microphone, which she's paid so dearly for, and stopped him before he talked about getting the trains to run on time or at least not into each other...
...UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Baywatch On Ash Wednesday, the day after Pat Buchanan's upsetting win in the New Hampshire primary, it was announced that 648 Sisters of Notre Dame would be donating their brains for medical research on Alzheimer's...
...I think someone could use a nap...
...then . . . What was I saying0 I think the linguistic flourishes of the Republican Presidential candidates, the unopposed Democratic incumbent, and a host of pundits are an indication of brain drain...
...Temple of the Holy Ghost or Vessel of Sin...
...or MTV, are to be tagged with large post-its printed with the -Why 1 Want to Be a Sister of Notre Dame" portion of the application they had tilled out in their teens...
...Quantity not quality...
...The headlines blared Clinton Sails to Victory in New Hampshire...
...Sidebar: Every day Steve looks more and more like the Norton Utility guy icon on my computer, arms crossed smugly across his chest just before the whole system shuts down...
...After New Hampshire, the pundits, those fat cats of factoids, conjured up images of feeding frenzies...
...She is Bavwatch...
...How are the wife and kids...
...or I'll have to punch vou out...
...Flat tax...
...It's like he's reminding himself...
...Bay Buchanan, looks worried when he gets cranking...
...It's like being present at the death of language...
...It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see a causal link between Buchanan's New Hampshire primary victory and the urge to relinquish one's brain...
...Lamar Alexander, who spent his tenure as Secretary of Education trying to get rid of that department, has exhibited no noticeable linguistic flair thus far...
...Dan Quayle, now spokesman for Cliff Notes, looking cherubically ambassadorial with his grown-up greying sideburns, called some in the GOP "nervous Nellies" and was immediately denounced at another GOP gay-bashing rally...
...Flat tax...
...The "peasants with the pitchforks marching on the castle" snapped her head around but good...
...He seems to favor the very large, vague concepts of "responsibility" and "family" and, my personal favorite, "contests of vision...
...ready to step in at any time...
...Hi, Steve, how's it going...
...Even his sister and campaign manager...
...Quit playing mind games with me...
...I think we should install P-chips in what's left of people's brains...
...Not a pretty picture...
...A national attention-deficit disorder...
...Flat tax, flat tax...
...He's a loose Buchanan on the gunship of state...
...Kate "Anonymous" Clinton is a comedian...
...no comment from the Vatican, which still has some pretty strict rules about the Judgment Day reuniting of body and soul...
...He's beginning to sound a lot like Reagan and is prone to sheer linguistic bludgeoning...
...Bob Dole, punch drunk and only dimly recalling lost wages, resorts to the reflexive...
...Perhaps it's the effect of sleep deprivation...
...It's so cool that your dad was gay...
...The self-proclaimed linguist, William Safire, also hit new flights of flair in a column desperately spinning the prematurity of the news of the death of his beloved GOP...
...Steve Forbes has a flair for repetition...
...They'll be the judge...
...Bob's self-reflexivity bears an eerie similarity to that old "you won't have Richard Nixon to kick around anymore" line...
...Scientists hope to be able to establish that early linguistic ability (perhaps a teenage flair for hyperbole or imaginative use of symbol— Then I looked down and saw the Baby Jesus lying in a bed of shredded lettuce in my hard-shelled luncheon taco and He beckoned me with the sweetest look to serve Him and be His Bride") is an indicator of a later onset of Alzheimer's...
...It would shield them from the harmful effects of primaries, pundits, and politicians...
...The nuns' brains, untainted bv trace elements of CNN...
...No one remotely approaches the linguistic flights of Pat Buchanan...
...In other words, if you dint talk too good when you was a kid...
...Pinch me...
...Instead of a V-chip in televisions...
...Flat tax...
...Up to this point he has let his flannel do the talking for him...
...Great news given that he ran unopposed...
...I am still trying to figure out what he meant when he penned, "Unity butters no primary parsnips...
...I know Noam Chomsky and you're no Noam Chomsky...
...The real Bob Dole is going to go to North Dakota and that Bob Dole is going to fight to win the heart and soul of the Republican party...
...I'm running again...
...It's a small coastline...
...Someone has slipped some chlorine into the nation's think tanks...
...There was, by the way...
Vol. 60 • April 1996 • No. 4
