SMALL FAVORS
Ivins, Molly
SMALL FAVORS Mollv Ivins Trickle, Trickle Oh boy, fun, fun, fun. Look, Dick. Look, Jane. See the Republicans break out in class warfare. Our Man Phil Gramm declared he's a "'blue-collar...
...Forbes thinks the flat tax will be so good for you $4.25-an-hour types is because when people like him have more money, they put it into productive investments that create more jobs that pay $4.25 an hour, and there wc are...
...I said flat tax...
...I had to go home and put a cold compress on my head...
...B) a collection of homo-erotic art...
...it starts with F, it ends with X, and it's flat...
...He pays his 10 percent, he's got $9 million left to raise his family on...
...Except Forbes doesn't have $9 million left, he has $10 million left because his money is unearned income, you schlemiel...
...No wonder Republicans are going nuts for it...
...You bust your butt makin' $4.25 an hour and he inherits $425 million...
...Lamar Alexander said Steve Forbes is "nutty...
...Now, I just might add, the rest of the tax structure is already regressive, which is to say that you and Steve Forbes both pay 5 percent Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram...
...E) seven yachts...
...Rich people got much richer, Donald Trump bought a yacht with gold bathroom fixtures, and the rest of the money was spent in mergers and acquisitions—big companies bein' bought by bigger companies, which were then left with such a load of debt they had to fire everybody who made $4.25 an hour...
...The reason Steve Forbes knows this is because he watched his daddy, Malcolm Forbes, who productively invested in the following: A) the largest collection of Faberge art objects outside the Queen of England's, including a dozen jeweled Easter eggs made for the imperial family of old Russia...
...C) a chateau in France...
...Pat Buchanan, the Darth Vader of 1992, said the flat tax is like feeding the horses a lot and hoping the sparrows will benefit...
...If you earn your income by working, you have to pay taxes...
...Got it...
...Capitalist Tool, in which Steve campaigns for the Presidency...
...F) the family plane...
...How come you didn't have the good sense to inherit $425 million...
...Actually, he's like Engine Charlie Wilson, who thought that what was good for General Motors was good for the country...
...You're makin' $10,000 a year, you pay your 10 percent, and you've got $9,000 left to raise your family on...
...What could be fairer than that...
...Our Man Phil Gramm declared he's a "'blue-collar Republican...
...It whitens your teeth, it cleans your breath, and is guaranteed to improve your sex life...
...All of which created just no end of high-paying American jobs...
...The reason Mr...
...Take a nice round number, like ten...
...sales tax when you buy a Snickers bar, or anything else, except in your case that amounts to 5 percent of your income and in Forbes's case it comes to .000000000001 percent of his...
...This unbecoming conduct was touched off by Steve Forbes's Itty-Bitty Postcard scheme, which is the finest thing to come to town since the Music Man stampeded the folks right here in River City...
...Anybody remember what happened in the 1980s (such a long time ago) when Ronald Reagan told us trickle-down economics would solve all our problems...
...and G) his seventieth birthday party in Morocco, to which he invited several hundred guests who were entertained by dancing camels...
...Robert Novak said discussing class warfare is conduct "unbecoming a Republican...
...All in all, it's sort of like watching Mike Tyson hold a sensitivity-training session at a battered-women's shelter...
...What could be fairer...
...D) a number of hot-air balloons with gold leaf on the bags...
...There's somethin' liquid tricklin' down here, folks—but it's warm and it's yellow...
...If you don't, you don't...
...OK, so Steve Forbes doesn't actually come across as the Music Man—he looks more like your insurance agent...
...He's clippin' coupons, he's earnin' interest, he's got capital gains from the stock market, so he dudn't have to pay a nickel...
...Ladies and gentlemen, just step right up, just sign right here, and the fifteenth day of April will become your favorite of the year...
...What a plan...
...That's Bob Novak, the party's Etiquette Officer...
...And by George, Steve Forbes's flat tax is good for Steve Forbes...
...It cures the heartbreak of psoriasis, male-pattern baldness, cellulite on the thighs, and gets rid of the IRS...
...Steve Forbes, he's makin' say $10 million...
Vol. 60 • March 1996 • No. 3
