UNPLUGGED
Clinton, Kate
UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Screened Images One August morning four years ago, as I was rushing out my gate, I was intercepted at the fence by my seventy-two-year-old Portuguese neighbor, Peter, in...
...I give the whole summer two thumbs up...
...I agree, dahlin...
...We had the windows open...
...Both parties felt compelled to put a camera on the standard "Delegate and Child" cameo at any mention of the words "family," "mother," or "child...
...Hillary's balance beam...
...For the Republicans, that 1992 Houston convention was their Vietnam, so they were determined to maintain stringent image control in San Diego...
...The old D and C technique—Divide and Conquer—pitted woman against woman...
...I don't know why I ever asked my editor for an extension on my August deadline so I could watch the Democratic convention...
...Where was it...
...But I wanted to see if I could discern any differences between the Republican and the Democratic extravaganzas...
...And the slightly simian Ted Danson was ready to save any ingenue who might fall to the floor of the smoke-free hall...
...Though both parties had similar themes, their treatments did differ slightly...
...But that would have meant a pundit would have to dig for a news story...
...It was us...
...They run together like a puddle of food on a plate without dividers...
...Both parties seemed eager to trot out their women, although the Republican women, unaccustomed to the spotlight, seemed either a bit doeish in the headlights, or smirked as if they were in on the joke...
...Republican speakers are mostly teleprompter-challenged...
...Sorry...
...I thought the Republicans might have had a "Cherubs R Us" concession in the lobby...
...Look me right in the eye and say that...
...He huffed to catch up with me...
...No...
...The first two nights in Chicago any hand-gesturing speakers looked as if they were about to whack themselves upside the head, but the scariest moment came when Aretha Franklin ripped through the national anthem as only she can do, in front of an unfortunate blowup of her own double chin...
...Oh, dahlin', they were goin' at it, calling each other f. . .in' liar, f. . .in' this 'n' that, every name in the book...
...Didja hear that fight last night...
...What time...
...I'd give the whole pile of pixilated pookies two of those tight-fisted, mean, pinched, Daddy's-got-your-nose thumbs up...
...Both major parties were promoting not so much family values as production values...
...Not only are there no real differences—Clinton is beginning to make Nixon look like a liberal—the whole summer is a huge, deadening blur of blockbusters, Olympics, and conventions...
...The Democrats layered it on, too, but added the "I Think I Can" train...
...To avoid that front-row-at-the-Vahum-In-vitational-Tennis-Tournament look, Democrats embedded "Speak and KveD" microchips directly into the buttocks of each speaker...
...Kate "I Didn't Get Smaller, The Pictures Got Bigger" Clinton is a humorist And the only difference between Republicans and Democrats seems to be that when Republicans are flashed on large screens at conventions, they pretend not to see themselves...
...We were watching the Republican convention, screaming at George Bush during his speech...
...Then it dawned on me...
...Not two fully extended, hitchhiking in the galaxy, going my way, New Deal, can do, Manifest Destiny, flaps up, right-angle-to-the-hand thumbs up...
...I'm telling you, in four years we should combine the conventions and the Olympics and get it all over in one week...
...Democrats were more like Planet Hollywood...
...What the heck, I'll throw in the Reform Party convention too, especially after the New Alliance Party and their chanteuse, Lola Folana, joined up...
...He waddled away...
...The horrendous clunker of the GOP's dais, a combination of the worst of the Ice Capades and the best of the Reichstag, is proof that no matter what they say about Michael Deaver, there are no gay people in the Republican Party...
...When Democrats notice their twenty-foot faces, they poke each other, point to the screen, and mouth, "Hi, Mom...
...It's summer and we're in our jammies watching "The Attack of the Hundred-Foot Politicians...
...Had to be 10:00,10:15...
...UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Screened Images One August morning four years ago, as I was rushing out my gate, I was intercepted at the fence by my seventy-two-year-old Portuguese neighbor, Peter, in his mesh cap and belted navy-blue, one-piece yard-work uniform...
...And anyway, Big Brother isn't watching us...
...I swear I could hear my dear, sainted mother saying, "I can tell if you're lying...
...And Bill Clinton had a new book out: It Takes a Focus Group to Raise a Child...
...This August, the only sounds from our house were muted signing and clicking, the refrigerator door squeaking open, ice dropping in glasses, and murmurs of, "Let's watch Mystic Pizza instead of Tipper Gore...
...We're watching Big Brother...
...The artist formerly known as He Who Dances with Wolves was there, looking uncomfortable...
...Liddy's floor exercise vs...
...Are you sure...
...I wanted some pundit to go behind the big screens to the projection booth and discover the real Wizards who were doing the telegenetic puppeteering—John Ma-lone, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone...
...Oh, Peter...
...Not a lot of big stars...
...The eight African-American delegates in San Diego were exhausted by the end of their convention because they were on screen the whole time...
...All productions involved large video screens of the huge outdoor, drive-in type...
...The Republicans put more gloss on their San Diego trade show than they did on their war in the Persian Gulf...
...No orator seemed able to look directly into the camera...
...He indicated with a discreet nod of the head: "next door...
...Both parties favored the large screen suspended over the dais...
...It was a Fun Fascism Theme Park...
...I said, "I have never heard them fight...
Vol. 60 • October 1996 • No. 10
