A SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two Getting Rich "Hoo is it, Jeemes, that ye mak' sic an enairmous profit aff yer potatoes? Yer price is lower than any ither in the toon and ye mak' extra reductions lor yer...
...Tit-Bits...
...Too Much For Him "Yes," said the old man, "I find my strength is failing somewhat...
...Life...
...Houston Post...
...Silenced "I see the women are going to wear medieval costumes in that suffragette parade," remarked Mr...
...Woman's Home Companion...
...Family Politics A Rhode Island politician, who was a prominent candidate in the late election, came home one day much provoked at some misdemeanor which his son, aged ten, had committed...
...A Highbrow A freshman translating, "Haec in Gallia est importantus," made it "Hike into Gaul...
...said the gentleman, "you had better ask for manners than money...
...Yes" "Not particularly...
...I am certain of it...
...You think that, say, a pickpocket, for instance, can be cured of the desire to pick pockets by an operation on his brain...
...Wombat, significantly...
...You won't have to understand good English...
...Schudge," he said, "1 can nicht understand English goot...
...when the gentleman came up the boy pulled off his hat, held it out to the gentleman, and begged for a few cents...
...After Material Editor— "Why do you persist in coming here...
...You won't hear any here...
...Prank," he said, sternly, "do you know, sir, that you are a candidate for a whipping...
...I hope I'll be defeated, father," was young Frank's reply, as he looked up playfully at his father.— Harper's Bazaar...
...Uppercut A little boy, seeing a gentleman in the street, placed himself in a convenient" place to speak with him...
...I asked," said the boy, "for what I thought you had the most of...
...Weel, ye see, I knock aff twa shil-lin's a ton because a customer is a freend o' mine, an' then I jist, tak' twa hundert-weight aff the ton because I'm a freend o' his...
...it's important...
...I tell you I don't buy fiction...
...Kansas City Journal...
...What are you going to wear, my dear...
...Oh," she cried, "look at the little eowlets...
...asked the art pessimist...
...No, not on his brain...
...Because," replied the sardonic manager, "when an American is capable of thinking up a first-class practical plot and dressing it up in good speeches he doesn't bother about the theater...
...inquired he...
...Kansas City Journal...
...I am writing a short serial, entitled The Ugliest Matt on Earth,' and I came in merely to obtain local color...
...Eligible A raw German, summoned for jury duty, desired to be relieved...
...I used to walk around the block every morning, but lately I feel so tired when I get half way round I have to turn and come back...
...Cheating the Stage "Why is there no great American dramatist...
...And there were no further remarks...
...Amputate his hands...
...Ladies' Home Jeurnal...
...Wombat pleasantly...
...He goes into politics...
...Yer price is lower than any ither in the toon and ye mak' extra reductions lor yer freends...
...Curing Criminals "Do you think criminal tendencies can be overcome by a surgical operation...
...Punch, * * * Another Summer Boarder Joke The farmer was escorting the newly-arrived boarder, a young city lady, from the train to the farm-house, when all at once she spied a small herd of calves in a field near by...
...My medieval hat," said Mrs...
...Looking over the crowded bar, his eye filled with humor, the judge replied: "Oh, you can serve...
...Chicago Tribune...
...Only One Glance "Did you notice that woman who Just passed...
...Money...
...Grinning, the farmer replied: "No, miss...
...The one," responded she, "with the gTay hat, the white feather, the red velvet roses, the mauve jacket, the black skirt, the mink furs, and the lavender spats...
...Washington Star...
...them's bullets...
...Author—"Oh, I don't wish to sell any of my stories...
...Christian Register...
Vol. 5 • February 1913 • No. 8
