A SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two On the Side at Safety Barber—Poor Jim has been Sent to a lunatic asylum. Victim (in chair)—Who's Jim? ''Jim is my twin, brother, sir. Jim has long been broodin' over the hard...
...Waiting for Orders The station-master on the Eastern Indian Railway had been given strict orders not to do anything out of the ordinary without authority from the superintendent...
...It might have saved his reason...
...Woman's Hame Companion...
...she cried excitedly...
...I have—er—something to ask you-— er—something very close to my heart, and—er—er--" "I'll bet I can guess what it is...
...Washington SUIT...
...What's the reason...
...This accounts for his sending the following telegram: "Superintendent's Office, Calcutta.— Tiger on platform eating railway porter...
...High Cost of Living "Small steak...
...Why, Mabel," the young lady exclaimed, "aren't you ashamed of yourself...
...You know...
...Shampoo, sir...
...The calendar...
...Please wire instructions...
...Everybody's Magazine...
...Contemporaneous, but lazy...
...He continued...
...Makes me sad...
...This here gun ain't loaded...
...That roll I gave you is stage money...
...GUNMAS—"Ha-ha...
...Life...
...Extra small creak, 2fic...
...But, father, what am I to do with-out a riding habit?' "Get the walking habit' "—New York Tribune...
...You—er---" "Yes, you want to ask me where I put your hat when you came in...
...Milicaukee Journal...
...The last time I had a verbal contract I drew a verbal salary!—London Opinion...
...Tit-Bits...
...Only Words The Agent—Then we'll consider that settled...
...Characteristics of Things The waste basket.—Intemperate, aggressive...
...goes backward, but is always ready to do a good turn.— The Eastern High School Paper...
...frequently gets fall and is fond of scraps...
...Unless a customer takes a shampoo It doesn't pay to shave or hair-cut...
...Ah, you have divined...
...The Actor—But—er—what about the contract...
...There First The lovely girl, having lingered a minute in her room to adjust her transformation, change the angle of her Grecian band, and make sure that her skirt fitted like the peeling of a plum, descended to the parlor to find the family pet ensconced upon the knee of the young man caller, her curly head nestled comfortably against his shoulder...
...AM you might just send me a postcard every now and then while you're away, letting me know how it is getting on.— Selected...
...The Agent—Oh, that's all right...
...I fooled ye all right...
...I got here flrst...
...Well," replied Senator Sorghum, "When a constituent wants to talk about regulating duties, the first thing you want to do is to find out what line of business he is to...
...His daughter said to him the other day: "Father, dear, i need a new Fall riding habit.' "'Can't afford it,' the banker growled...
...always up to date, but frequently takes a month off...
...Everybody's Magazine...
...Is that so...
...The speaker was Brand Whitlock, Mayor of Toledo...
...Don't mention it, old top...
...Poor Jim, 1 caught him trying to cut a customer's throat because he refused a shampoo, so I had to have the poor fellow locked up...
...Your muff's little girl is out taking a walk...
...A verbal contract'll do...
...Muvwer, Muvver...
...Yes, he and me has worked side by side for years, and we were so alike we couldn't tell each other apart...
...A Constitutional A little four-year-old girl was walking with her mother, when a caterpillar, the first she had ever seen, crawled in front of them...
...No money in this business now...
...YES...
...Jim has long been broodin' over the hard times, an' I suppose he finally got crazy...
...A Long Wait Patron (to very slow Waiter)— Bring me a steak, please...
...I know a Toledo banker who has already begun to retrench...
...Prices too low...
...Better Yet "If the high cost of living keeps on, the rich themselves Will feel the pinch of it...
...First Step "What Is the first thing to consider in discussing the tariff...
...The Actor—Laddie, listen...
...Sometimes I feel sorry I didn't let him slash all he Wanted to...
...Jet right down...
...Look...
...What'r, the Hurry...
...Houston Post...
...Sha'nt do it," retorted the child...
...We Iboth brooded a good deal, too...
...The revolving chair.—Retrogressive, but philanthropic...
Vol. 5 • February 1913 • No. 7
