SMILE OR TWO

A Smile or Two A Choice of Evils A shoemaker in Kansas City had a sign above his door which read, "A. Swindler." One day a gentleman came in and said: "Why don't you put your given name on that...

...I should be ashamed to acknowledge it if I were you...
...Pathfinder...
...The new maid was aghast...
...Pat looked down at his trousers and exclaimed: "No, begorra, I am not hurt, but I am fatally twisted...
...Shifting the Burden Father—Young Dobson has asked me for your hand, and I have consented...
...The Owner of a Sweatshop "Yes, sir, I make all my money by the sweating system—by making the other fellows do the sweating while I rake in the coin...
...Too Slow for Him A German farmer was in search of a horse...
...I live eight miles from town, and mit dot horse I haf to valk back two miles...
...ah'm afraid ah won't suit you all...
...When writing to advertisers, please] mention "La Follette's...
...Judged by the Evidence An Irishman's house caught fire, and in the excitement he put on his trousers, hind side in front, and jumped out of the second story window...
...Looking up at his father, he remarked: "I did not hear you call me...
...I'll reduce the three-fourths to colts...
...Lost It...
...One day a gentleman came in and said: "Why don't you put your given name on that sign instead of your initials...
...Why, there's no harm in being the proprietor of a Turkish bath, is there...
...The Sunday-school one," he replied...
...Finally, when the rest of the family were quietly partaking of their meal he came in and took his place...
...It sounds rather queer...
...Why, it sounded like it...
...How, then, did you know that I called you...
...Father—So never mind going to the dentist's tomorrow about that crown work—wait until you are married.—Kansas City Star...
...not for me...
...Not for me," he said...
...He's five years old, sound as a dollar and goes ten miles without stopping...
...By and by he came in from play and said: "Mamma, I lost one of my pennies...
...Dat a-way ob go-in' downstairs am a heap too strenuous fo' me...
...Daughter—You dear old dad...
...Might Have Heard Little Ronald had been called to dinner, but there was no response...
...Selected...
...My lan', missy...
...Woman's Home Companion...
...Why, dot would make it worse," said the shoemaker...
...Well, I don't know," answered her mother cautiously...
...she asked...
...It is Adam...
...A long pause...
...Which one, dear...
...After a great many perplexed frowns and much nibbling at her pencil she looked up, and said: "The only answer that I can get to this example is 'five and three-fourths horses.' Do you 'spose that is right, mama...
...The German threw his hands skyward...
...I've got just the horse for you," said the liveryman...
...then the small arithmetician's face lit up with a smile...
...People will think you are a rogue...
...National Monthly...
...Uncommon Fractions Little Marion was busy with her "home work...
...Back Stairs A young housewife was showing a new and very inexperienced colored maid around the house, explaining the various duties that would be hers...
...Tommy had been given two new pennies—one for candy and the other for Sunday-school...
...Friends picked him up, asking, "Are you hurt, Pat...
...National Monthly...
...Truth-Seeker...
...Oh, I know," she cried...
...In an upper hall they came suddenly to the head of the back stairs, and the lady said: "Nancy, you will go down this way, always," and with that the little mistress slipped and tumbled, going all the way down with many lurches and bumps...

Vol. 5 • April 1913 • No. 16


 
Developed by
Kanda Sofware
  Kanda Software, Inc.