SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two Inspected and Passed A Chicago politician gave his cousin, fresh from the ould sod, a job as smoke inspector. He was not instructed as to his duties, but told to go out and...
...Say, mister," said the boy, "if you had my brains and I had your strength, what a great team we'd make...
...He means de oldest dog is de youngest one...
...He was not instructed as to his duties, but told to go out and inspect...
...At the end of his first month he made this report: "This is to certify that I have inspected the smoke of this city for the past thirty days...
...The boy gave the instruction as best he could...
...Yes, sir, that's why I'm here now...
...Bernard, 6 months old, and a fox terrier 3 years old...
...Remarkable Dogs A German cobbler and his wife had two dogs, a St...
...Tom McNeal won with his candidate, one Cyrus Blunk, who lived in a small Kansas town that Tom used to infest...
...No," admitted the reformer, "I do not," "Well, I do," said the young man...
...Misunderstood A wicked old man was quite sick and sent for a minister...
...You should not smoke...
...Yes, sir...
...A friend, calling one day, said to the cobbler: "Those are two fine dogs you have...
...Do you smoke...
...asked the young man...
...Blunk was so bowlegged," said Tom, "that he had to wear his pants to bed in the wintertime, because if he didn't his knees stuck out on each side of the covers and got frost-bitten...
...Holland's...
...Rules Should Work Both Ways An Assyriologist boasted to an Egyptologist that the Assyrians un-derstood electric telegraphy because he had found wire in Assyria...
...Oh," said the other, "I have not found a scrap of wire in Egypt, therefore I know that the Egyptians understood wireless telegraphy...
...I have to report that I have found plenty of smoke and that the smoke is of good quality...
...Good day...
...No, I do not," said the reformer proudly...
...His wife then spoke up and explained: "You must mine husband egs-cuse...
...Rockefeller's Caddy John D. Rockefeller, the story goes, was playing golf at Augusta, Ga., when, in order to enter into conversation with his caddy, he asked the boy how to make his stroke...
...Ex...
...And didn't I tell you then that I wanted an older boy...
...he shpeaks not very good English...
...When he died they couldn't find a coffin in the state of Kansas that was wide enough for him, so they sawed off a section of a circular watertank and laid him away in that...
...California Outlook...
...Saturday Evening Post...
...The old man was almost deaf, and when the minister, bending over him, said: "My friend, what induced you to send for me...
...Saturday Evening Post...
...I thought so...
...The minister repeated the question, still he failed to understand, when his old wife, in a high, shrill voice, cried into his ear: "He sez, what in the deuce did ye send fer him fer...
...Yes," replied the cobbler, "und de funny part of it iss dat de biggest dog is de littlest one...
...Rockefeller pretended to be following his advice, and the stroke was a brilliant one...
...Well, do you own that touring car...
...the old fellow did not understand...
...Qualified for the Job "Aren't you the boy who was here a week ago looking for a position...
...If you didn't smoke you might some day own a splendid touring car like that one standing in the street...
...The Reformer "Young man," said the reformer, as he approached a young man who stood on the edge of the sidewalk smoking a cigar...
...Grand Rapids Press...
...Champion Bowlegs The question of the degree of bow-leggedness to be found in various localities was before the house...
...Record Herald...
Vol. 5 • April 1913 • No. 14
