A SMILE OR TWO
A Smile or Two Literary Janitor "Is the editor-in-chief in?" asked the visitor, as he strolled into the maga zine office at eight o'clock in the morning. "No, sir," answered the janitor, politely....
...If this fails, what shall I do...
...Father—That's all right, but it doesn't say not to let your wrath descend upon the son.—Ex...
...Wanted to be Safe "Captain," said a wealthy passenger, who was about to take his first trip across the ocean, "I understand this ship has got several water-tight compartments...
...He was made up marvelously to look starved to skin and bone, tottering on the verge of death from starvation, gasping for breath, and weak from emaciation...
...The best food in the market was served at the meals, and the conversation was plentifully interspersed with "My Lord" this, and "My Lord" that, in obsequious tones...
...Selected...
...Caught on the Fly A well-known but broken-down Detroit newspaper man, who had been a power in his day, approached an old friend the other day in the Pontchar-train Hotel and said: "What do you think...
...You know the Bible says...
...A Way Out Mother—There, now, don't whip Johnny...
...Hunter—Good...
...Oh, yes, sir," was the quick reply...
...Perhaps you can...
...Hackwriter—No matter how often or how far I send him, he always comes back.—Judge...
...Scandalous The young lady, visiting her aunt in the country, came in late one afternoon...
...Spoiled the Show There is a good story of an actor who was depicting on the boards a powerful pathetic part...
...A very good example of idle curiosity, my son, is a twelve-dollar-a-week shoe clerk asking the price of automobile tires...
...And what do you do...
...They offered me twelve dollars a week...
...Then she said: "If I hear of any more such scandalous roceedings I shall certainly write to your mother...
...Are you connected with the poetical department of the magazine...
...You are...
...London Telegraph...
...In the hammock all the afternoon,' she responded, "with my beloved Robert Browning...
...Is there anything I can do for you...
...Detroit Free Press...
...Yes, sir," was the reply...
...The act was spoiled.—Ideas...
...Let not the sun descend upon your wrath...
...I can borrow more than that right here in Detroit...
...asked her aunt...
...But the child, overwhelmed by the responsibility of his errand, became confused and replied, "It is the Lord my boy...
...He doesn't get here so early...
...The aunt eyed her sternly...
...Pathfinder...
...Captain," the passenger went on decidedly, "I want one o' those compartments—I don't care what it costs...
...I empty the waste-paper baskets, sir...
...Still, he had on his fingers a flashing diamond ring, and the sarcastic gallery reproved him for it one night...
...Not the job, but the salary...
...Showing Due Respect An English lord was a guest in a certain home, and his hosts were very anxious to show the highest respect to their distinguished visitor...
...Idle Curiosity "Pa, what is meant by idle curiosity...
...In the morning, the hostess, wishing to send some Warm water to his lordship by her ten-year-old son, instructed him thus: "Now, Charles, knock at the door of his room, and if he asks 'Who is there,' you must answer, 'It is the boy, my lord.'" Charles proceeded up stairs, and knocked at the guest room door, and the visitor asked from within, "Who is there...
...Where in the world have you been...
...Burlington Age-Herald...
...exclaimed the old scribe...
...Twelve a week—thunder...
...Zealous Hunter Woodchopper—I seen a lot o' bear tracks 'bout a mile north o' here—big ones, too...
...Well," said the friend, "twelve dollars a week is better than nothing...
...Do you call that an insult...
...An Appropriate Name Poet—Why do you call your cat "Manuscript...
...I have just received the prize insult of my life...
...Which way is south?—Chicago Daily News...
...A paper down in Muncie, Ind., offered me a job...
...At the crucial moment the hero faltered out in agony to the gallery: "Good heavens...
...The answer floated down unexpectedly from the top seats: "Pawn yer ring...
Vol. 5 • March 1913 • No. 13
