UNPLUGGED
Clinton, Kate
UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Hypocrites The almost-three-year-old of a friend of mine is just learning to talk and is fascinated with long, multisyllabic words. The family was in church, up in the...
...Gasp...
...Unanswered questions: Was the screenplay based on the soft-core novel of Newt Gingrich...
...Do let me go on a bit about the Republican Presidential hypocrites...
...But CBS stood behind him...
...Is it me, or is it that darned chip...
...Her ears pricked up faster than Joe Orton's, she stood up on the pew, turned to her fellow parishioners, and began to pipe louder and louder, "Hypocrites...
...Duke has a very busy life and apparently just did not have the time to say the extra three syllables...
...He never appears without cardboard flats of the whole Dornan brood set up behind him...
...That came all in the same week that budget busters were going after Title IX, as if women's field hockey had run up the deficit...
...Hey, we're all a little on the burnt-both-ends-of-the-candlestick track, pal, so from now on instead of "deficit," I'm using "def," as in def reduction comedy jam...
...How many times...
...There goes that Supreme Court seat...
...The New Republic, that intrepid muckraking magazine (who can forget the special Black History Month feature, "Cornel West Is Not Really Black...
...Rosa Lopez...
...More about the whited sepulchers later...
...Or "hippo"—no time for crite, got to run—the new mascot to replace the GOP circus elephant...
...Or do I have a microchip embedded in my right buttock...
...First, not only did Proposition Pete Wilson have in his un-deremploy for a number of years an undocumented worker and neglect to pay her social-security taxes...
...Does it seem to you that before announcing their candidacies at the special prayer breakfast at Nashua, New Hampshire's, quaint Ruddy Old Guys in Mesh Caps Family Diner, the Republican ever-hopefuls took a Hypo-critic Oath in the private, pine-paneled banquet room...
...and that it's a known fact that women can't swing a club correctly because their breasts get in the way (two words—beer gut...
...A loving Christian man spewing hate, his late-night longer-than-Castro-on-a-good-day speeches are wild rambles from family to fisting to his Catholic faith to veterans and back to family...
...A late entry into the Republican run for the Rose Garden, who spoiled the Seven Dwarf analogy, is another Californian, Bob Dornan...
...Made even more iiberpresent by the cellular phone attached to his ear, he channels his Christian Family and Friends Network...
...The family was in church, up in the front, listening to the Sunday sermon, when the pastor cranked into a froth about, and I'm paraphrasing here, hypocrites and whited sepulchers...
...Fine-looking Farkels you've got there, Bob...
...Not that old Bob needs a scrambler...
...Did it show up in Clarence Thomas's Blockbuster file...
...I don't know who broke the Pete Wilson story—disgruntled Kathleen Brown operatives...
...If denial is a river, Newt's a party barge.B Kate Clinton is a comedian...
...Dornan got his start on C-Span, which prompted the Up With People for the American Way people to call for a scrambler on C-Span...
...CBS sportscaster Ben Wright said that lesbians were ruining the LPGA (what does he think the L stands for...
...In an apology that dug an even deeper hole, Representative Cunningham said he used "homos" as shorthand for homosexual...
...Mostly because it gave them the highest ratings they'd seen in months...
...But second, he also tried to tag the blame on his ex-wife...
...Meanwhile, head hypocrite, John Doe #2a, Newt Jingoist (spell check for Gingrich) is still quite at large...
...Like the Turin shroud, his face appeared on the cover of Time magazine...
...That's all the three-year-old needed to hear...
...Her mother confessed to me that, before hauling her down off her perch, she did let her go on a bit...
...After going out on a limbaugh and claiming that Susan Smith was the product of the failed policies of the Great Society, he denied any connection between his anti-government rhetoric and the Oklahoma City bombing...
...Speaking of Dukes, Representative Randall "Duke" Cunningham recently excoriated his fellow Representatives as "the same folks that wanted homos in the military...
...Jose Canseco?— but it's a twofer...
...Whoops, there goes the gals' vote...
...It was so creepy I turned the mag over on my coffee table—thus making Ralph go face to face, mano a mano with David Duke, the bizarre coverboy choice of The Advocate, the gay newsweekly...
...broke the hard-hitting story that Phil Gramm had invested in a porno movie...
...What's on his powerbook tablet...
...Like David Let-terboy's Top Ten Lists, its ten commandments, er, suggestions, are the fine print of the first contract...
...In a related story, the head of CBS Sports immediately added Gay-Bashing to its sporting roster...
...Was Sophia Loren involved...
...Speaking of Christians, that pasty white sepulchrist, Ralph Reed, at thirty-three, has come down off the mountain and begun his really public life...
...That's outrageous," he squealed and squealed and squealed...
...Well, kiss my gender gap, a man who takes shorthand...
...The Contract on the American Family, The Straight Agenda, Part II...
Vol. 59 • July 1995 • No. 7
