WHAT DO I KNOW!
Feldman, Michael
WHAT DO I KNOW! Michael Feldman Mourning Editions Internal Memo: NOT FOR GENERAL RELEASE To: All radio personnel From: Director of Development Re: National Private Radio...
...Please remember to get your office-space justification forms in to me by the fourteenth.^ Michael Feldman is the executive producer and host of Public Radio International's "Whad'ya Know...
...While the phone company has expressed interest in our assets (apparently there's a lot of copper wire in the transmitters), it's very unlikely we'll end up going shopping channel like PBS...
...Visualize the big Texaco curtain falling and crushing Luciano...
...One of our shows, Whad'ya Know?, has already said it could adjust to the format change...
...Think of this drive as opera: we are singing with knives in our backs...
...Mean it: we are and will remain public radio (pending further developments), good deed shining in the naughty world...
...No one wants to go educational again, but it wouldn't take much to be back to two mikes and a phone patch of Classroom on the Air...
...Keep the faith: internalize the leitmotif of our spring drive, "Public Radio: Give Us...
...For-vThey Know Not What They Do," a tip of the hat to the much-neglected Christian constituency crucial in the Congressional mix...
...Nina Totenberg needs a life-saving operation...
...Michael Feldman Mourning Editions Internal Memo: NOT FOR GENERAL RELEASE To: All radio personnel From: Director of Development Re: National Private Radio Date: 4/1/95 Staff: Is Newt a Godsend or what...
...I'm thinking aloud here, but why shouldn't Newt get his own show-has anyone approached him about this...
...Yes, there is a large international trucking firm (how they drive across the oceans is beyond me...
...Only 9 percent believe their world is coming apart at the seams—half the national average...
...and the coffers here at radio and over on the TV side have been overflowing ever since without our even having to beg for it...
...A "Contract high" from the "Contract with America...
...like the man said, it ain't a bad reposition to be in...
...Plug leaks: rumors abound...
...As we mount the ramparts once again to fight the good fight this fund drive, let us arm ourselves accordingly: • Know who your friends are: do we have 'em...
...We don't want to push this too far, e.g., by delineating the beliefs, but if Garrison agrees to cut some spots for us with the ring of the Gospel (hopefully spoken, not sung) to them, I believe many will tithe...
...Three times as many participate in squash, buy classical CDs, own a noninJ.D...
...The elitists...
...Contract a disease...
...Why don't we bag Quayle before somebody else does...
...Let our listeners know we will never abandon their principles, although some repositioning of ours can be expected...
...Compared to the average Middle of the Road or Easy Listener, twice as many public-radio listeners order by phone from catalogs, own ski boots and racquetball balls, have a brokerage account and mutual funds, go on foreign trips without resorting to cruise ships, own a modem, a canoe, and a folding tent camper, and buy ecologically correct cat-box filler...
...Some of you may have heard Pat Robertson is seeking the 700 public stations to fulfill his 700 Club prophecy, but as far as we can tell, that 700th seal has not yet opened...
...Reach out: let Joe Six-pack, with four on the fly and a coon hound sitting on the spare in the back, know we are there for him should he need us, all for the cost of a can of Genuine Draft...
...Don't hold back...
...Our focus groups tell us our people listen religiously...
...Our listeners are the skimmed creme de la creme: 94 percent are self-described as intelligent, smart, bright, or well-informed, trustworthy, competent, reliable, and responsible, while only 14 percent are egocentric, vain, self-centered, or narcissistic (compared to 16 percent of the general population...
...83 percent are cheerful...
...It is an intriguing idea, though...
...Still, if we have to go cold-turkey on funding, some of you could find yourselves back in University Extension answering the Bovine Growth Hormone hotline, so it doesn't pay to get complacent...
...hence, the average fair-minded American would not be wrong in viewing this as an attack on a deeply held belief system...
...We are Judeo-Christian, too, and now's the time, if not to get back to our roots, at least to imply them...
...Or what about a Dick Armey/Barney Frank "Crossdress"— excuse me, "Crossfire...
...You bet...
...We need to get past Oldspeak (and embrace, here, I'll say it, Newtspeak) and lose the notion that "conservative thinker" is an oxymoron...
...We need to seriously look at more of a country-western influence in the filler music on All Things Considered (Reba, for example, or Mary Chapin Carpenter, who could pass for folk), and to vigorously cross-promote our long overdue bass-fishing show, Fresh Fish...
...Feel our pain: we're hurting...
...KING flatable sailboat, enjoy an occasional imported pilsner, understand jazz, have partially mastered two foreign languages, and own if not ride a mountain bike despite being forty-one years old...
...Frankly, I don't know what we're going to do the next time around when we're still here...
...All Things Considered reduced to just one or two things, with Dentu-Creme and Metamucil spots in between...
...Garrison expatriating again, this time for good...
...Bob Edwards is hurting ("Mourning Editions"?—a nice graphic possibility...
...56 percent are brand-loyal...
...A satellite-paging service has made a very attractive offer contingent on the roll-out of their new personal-pocket assistant, which allows casual faxing between consenting individuals, but that's by no means a done deal...
...although not snake-handlers, the majority go to worship services on major holidays...
...These are, don't forget, people who die with public broadcasting in their wills (how do you think we got that new dish...
...Most importantly, they're eight times as likely to give to causes that are not necessarily diseases...
...You know the drill...
...Just when we thought we'd have to change the letterhead to National Private Radio, along came the hearings to martyr Barney and Garrison (like they're going to give the money back...
...Our friends should do so much for us...
...which has floated the possibility of using the network to communicate with its drivers, but I'd keep the hammer down on that one, big buddy...
...68 percent are planners...
...They're finally getting around to having (high-end) children...
Vol. 59 • June 1995 • No. 6
