UNPLUGGED
Clinton, Kate
UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Operation Distraction Sometimes I miss those good old Reabush days. They'd do any old horrible thing they wanted and benignly name it some operation—"Operation Restore...
...This is "don't ask, don't tell" taken to another level...
...Day after day, sometimes on just four hours of sleep, our Reps are repping...
...I am proudly ashamed to admit that since I don't have time to read Gertrude Himmelfarb's book on Victorian society that Gingrich recommended, I got the Cliff Notes—the new Victoria's Secret catalogue...
...Also from Pennsylvania, Bob Casey, former Democratic governor, says he'll run against Clinton...
...This is not a virtual field trip, some sympathy simulator so our Representatives can better understand the conditions of single teenage motherhood...
...His Extreme Grey Headedness recommends one of my favorite family values, shame, as the great motivator...
...Casey's big claim to fame is that he got shouted down at the Democratic Convention for being anti-abortion, and that he's got more replacement parts than a Cambridge Volvo...
...Out with that Old Democracy...
...Knit one, purl two.* Kate Clinton is a comedian...
...Pat Buchanan from Mars has quit his night job as voice of moral outrage on "Meet the Oppressor" to run...
...Not for Newt the old Guilted Age of the New Deal...
...trial than in the details of the Common Sense Legal Reform Act...
...trial, comes Mr...
...People are more conversant in the details of the O.J...
...While the House is working harder than humanely possible, the Senate is moving at a slower pace, mostly because the boss is away so much...
...UNPLUGGED Kate Clinton Operation Distraction Sometimes I miss those good old Reabush days...
...Let them eat block grants...
...The replacement Presidents are now trying out in New Hampshire...
...And what is the new replacement value for democracy hawked by his Professorship on National Empowerment Television (NewtNet...
...Lamar Alexander from Tennessee, head of the Department of Education during the "A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Have" era, is either running for President or modeling for an Eddie Bauer catalogue...
...The poetry curriculum in Cobb County now includes the slightly revised, "In spring a young girl's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of welfare checks...
...They are worn down, with big circles under their tiny red eyes...
...What's left of your heart goes out to them...
...Excitement, Pete Wilson, hoping that immigrant-bashing will lend disrespectability to his campaign...
...No, these Reps are hard at work on the Contract on America, the Straight Agenda, and, tired or no tired, they are going to get through it in 100 days...
...From California, the state that gave and gave us the O.J...
...From Pennsylvania, the F. Lee Bailey of the Anita Hill hearings, Arlen Sphincter, is going to run...
...In with the New Vict onanism...
...I noticed that the Newt Victorian-ism has already had an effect...
...Ouch...
...Iam not distracted...
...In the House of Representatives, they are hard at work...
...Not that anyone is paying attention...
...They are suffering through exhaustion, colds, the flu, and sleep deprivation...
...She's got everything: she's Prince Charles and Lady Di...
...My conspiracy-theory friends read this anti-aureolist behavior as prefiguring the new healthcare model for women, but I find it a fitting illustration of the real Victorian value: not shame, but denial...
...Phil Gramm from Texas hinted rather unvictorianly to CNN that his first choice for running mate was Sophia Loren, then pined that she was not a citizen, therefore unentitled to school lunches in California and unable to run with him...
...Bob Dole, my vote for "Grumpy," affects presidential by default...
...Feed a cold, starve a child...
...He kicked it off in high style by stiff-arming Jewish protesters who accused him of being a racist and anti-Semite...
...The poet Muriel Rukeyser said, "Pay attention to what they tell you to forget...
...Unfortunately, unlike single teenage moms, they can't just drop the end product off at some orphanage when it gets too much for them...
...Wow, I feel better already...
...Not that Bill can't run against himself just fine, thank you very much...
...He's a moderate Republican, which means he's not against abortion—just the money to get one...
...Christine Todd Whitman from New Jersey is being touted as a possible running mate, and why not...
...Where did they get that idea...
...You could almost hear those airbrushes heave a sadly sibilant sigh...
...Also known as the treacle-down theory...
...I believe that the O.J...
...Madame Defarge has got nothing on me...
...I'm paying attention...
...It's not what you're thinking...
...trial is part of the operation: a massive conspiracy by Gingrich and the GOP to distract national attention from the left-hand side of the country, while they on the right dismantle democracy in 2,400 hours flat...
...On every sheerly clad model, nipples or even the hint of nipples have been air-brushed off...
...I'd call these 100 Days in the House of Newt "Operation Distraction...
...You remember, check your laminates, that's number nine in the Contract on America, right after the Wage Enhancement Act, the one about how a reduction in the capital-gains tax will eventually help the poor...
...Let them eat laptops...
...He says when you see teenage girls having babies to collect welfare checks, you just go up to them and say right in their faces, "Shame...
...They'd do any old horrible thing they wanted and benignly name it some operation—"Operation Restore Hope (Bob, That Is)," "Operation Just Cause (We Felt Like It...
Vol. 59 • May 1995 • No. 5
