Texas-Style Ethics
Ivins, Molly
SMALL FAVORS Molly Ivins Texas-Style Ethics Jeez, just because Jim Wright is in trouble, now they're saying everybody in Texas politics is a crook. David Broder wrote a column saying Jim Wright...
...I know a number of pols I count as honest who never did anything in return for such favors...
...State Senator Bill ("the Bull of the Brazos") Moore once defended himself against the charge that he would personally profit from a bill he was backing by saying, "I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot...
...The deals are legitimate, the profits are legitimate, it's just that the pol is never asked to put up money—his collateral is the value of his cut...
...As he drove away he said to himself, "Woodrow Wilson Bean, you are skatin' on the thin edge of ethics...
...she inquired...
...Caught hell for that, too...
...Hunting is Gib Lewis's passion, and his office is covered with the stuffed and mounted heads of the assorted endangered species he has knocked off over the years...
...When did you shoot the Indian, Grandpa...
...One official with a colorful past felt so honored upon finding himself elected to statewide office that he called his staff together and said, "Boys, stealin's out...
...Our name is mud...
...When he was first elected, he forgot to put some stuff on his financial-disclosure statement—a little oil well, a little airplane, a little bid-ness he happens to be in with some lobbyist friends...
...Governor Bill Clements, when asked why he had repeatedly lied about the Southern Methodist University football scandal, replied reasonably enough, "Well, there was never a Bible in the room...
...Bean interviewed him at the local hoosegow and asked, "Son, what'd you do with the money...
...Actually, the criterion for being considered an honest politician in Texas is as follows: If you can't take their money, drink their whiskey, screw their women, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in Texas politics...
...And that's the way it has always been done in Texas...
...I have been helping Parks and Wildlife for seventeen years," he explained...
...Lewis did make a mistake one time: He went to Ruidosa to watch the horseracing and let some horseracing lobbyists pay for the trip...
...So the next time he took a trip, to play golf at Pebble Beach, California, he let the taxpayers pay for it...
...The perpetrator was inept and the law was hot on his heels right after the heist, so he ditched the loot in a brown paper bag (double-bagged for safety) by an oil well out in the country...
...So the next time he took a trip, he carefully pointed out to the press that it was not paid for by lobbyists and it was not paid for by the taxpayers: He was going as guest of the government of South Africa...
...Lewis is not a crook: He just has the ethical sensitivity of a walnut...
...I wouldn't say our public servants here in the Great State are without ethics...
...Lewis felt the complaints were unfair...
...Sid Richardson, the late Fort Worth oilman, once said to John Connally, "I'm gonna put you in the way to make a little money, John...
...David Broder wrote a column saying Jim Wright is just a product of his environment, and everybody knows Lyndon Johnson was outrageous, and now they've taken to quoting the old saw about how an honest man in the Texas legislature is one who stays bought...
...If they owe anyone a favor, they owe me a favor...
...For virtue, try Minnesota...
...The rising politician is cut in on deals...
...and bass without charging him for it...
...He was then apprehended...
...He explained that he ran out of room on the paper...
...Is it any ranker than getr ting a large campaign contribution from someone with a special interest in legislation...
...The late Woody Bean of El Paso, one of our more memorable pols, used to tell about the time he had a client who had stuck up a grocery store...
...His four-year-old granddaughter was recently in the office and stood solemnly looking at an Indian war bonnet that also graces the room...
...When and whether there is a quid pro quo for this bidness opportunity is between the donor, the donee, and God...
...House Speaker Gib Lewis recently found himself under attack because the Parks and Wildlife Department has been stocking his ranches with deer, elk, turkey, Molly Ivins, a columnist for the Dallas Times Herald, appears in this space every month...
...The perp gave detailed directions to the boodle, and Bean promptly went and found it and helped himself to a generous fee...
...Some of Bean's friends recall him adding, "Woodrow Wilson Bean, ethics is for young lawyers...
...Caught hell...
Vol. 53 • June 1989 • No. 6
