Caught Red-Handed
Memo from the Editor ~ Caught Red-Handed Senate Chamber State of Colorado Denver Editor The Progressive P.O. Box 4615 Boulder, CO 80321 Dear Sir: I recently received a solicitation from The...
...If that were the case with Soviet Life, we would consider renting (not "purchasing," as you state) the list from the magazine...
...The solicitation is addressed to an "F.W...
...Now I have a question for you: Noting that you wrote to me on the official letterhead of the Colorado legislature, I wonder whether your letter was composed, typed, and mailed at taxpayer expense...
...Comrades...
...Perhaps some Colorado subscribers would like to drop him a line to compliment him on his in-dustriousness...
...As a rule, these lists are made available to us on an exchange basis—that is, we are permitted to mail to them and they, in turn, are permitted to mail to our list...
...However, I must confess—here I go incriminating myself again—that there are times when we do pay a fee for access to a mailing list that is not available to us on an exchange basis...
...I used this fictional person's initials because I wanted to see exactly who was in the business of purchasing mailing lists from the Soviet government...
...Thank you...
...This system is sometimes referred to as "capitalism," and I earnestly recommend it to you for serious study...
...Burn the code books...
...I hope this provides the information you requested...
...I have a son who lives in Colorado, and I'm sure he would want to know if his tax dollars are being spent on such feck-lessness...
...Lock the doors...
...In hasty preparation for headlong flight, , Sincerely, Senator Owens acknowledges that his letter to me was composed at taxpayer expense "since as a hardworking state senator I work twenty-four hours a day to earn my legislative salary...
...Furthermore, our requests for donations always carry our editorial address in Madison, not our circulation service's address in Boulder...
...Owens" at my home address...
...You never know when even a Colorado state senator will need to know something...
...I understand, of course, that anything I say may be used against me, but I expect to be long gone before the FBI comes knocking at our padlocked door...
...Sincerely, Bill Owens State Senator The Progressive Madison, Wisconsin State Senator Bill Owens 15928 East Mercer Circle Aurora, CO 80013 Dear Senator Owens: I'm sure you can't imagine how much consternation your letter caused as soon as it was opened by our mail clerk, Olga Ivanovna (who also happens to be the KGB political commissar on our staff...
...This is the arrangement we prefer, since The Progressive must operate on a very tight budget...
...The game is up, and it's back to Moscow on the next Aeroflot jet...
...The Kremlin, you see, keeps us on a short leash...
...As it happens, we have mailed our circulation promotion package to subscribers to Soviet Life, which exchanged lists with us...
...she exclaimed...
...These are the initials I used on purpose when I subscribed to Soviet Life, published by the Soviet government's Novosti Press Agency...
...We mail out several hundred thousand of these every year to people whose names we find on the subscriber lists of other publications or on the membership lists of various organizations...
...First of all, I seriously doubt that you "received a solicitation from The Progressive asking for a donation," as your letter states...
...Before I start packing, let me explain the admittedly incriminating circumstances uncovered by your astoundingly deft investigative work...
...I would appreciate learning from you directly whether The Progressive purchased the mailing list from the Soviets...
...Box 4615 Boulder, CO 80321 Dear Sir: I recently received a solicitation from The Progressive asking for a donation...
...We do this under the general principle that if someone is offering a product or service you want or need, you may obtain it by paying for it...
...We've been found out by a Colorado state senator...
...We do send such solicitations to The Progressive's subscribers, but our records do not show you (or "F.W...
...Owens") to be a member of that distinguished company...
...Take the portrait of Lenin down from the wall...
...What I suspect you received, therefore, is an invitation to subscribe to The Progressive...
Vol. 53 • May 1989 • No. 5
