SMALL FAVORS
Ivins, Molly
SMALL FAVORS Molly Ivins A Thrill a Minute Okay, okay, I believe Ronald Reagan has never made a single policy decision based on astrology. It's the fortune cookies I worry about. While the...
...And he's probably big enough to take the job...
...Next item: gosling terrorism...
...While the nation's capital reels under the latest evidence that the country is being run by airheads, the thrilling electoral contest to see who will replace Mr...
...For lack of anything better to do, the national political scribes are playing the veepancy game these days, and displaying their usual lack of imagination...
...He could join Ferdy and Imelda there and they'd have a grand time...
...Atrend...
...If they put Dukakis and Bentsen on the Democratic ticket and Bush and California Governor George Deukmejian on the Republican ticket, it'll be such a snorer we'll finally have the old joke—they held an election and nobody came...
...The Democrats should pick Senator Barbara Mikulski because she's peppy and would make DuMolly Ivins, a columnist for the Dallas Times Herald, appears in this space every month...
...You say the Democrat lacks foreign policy experience and' Bush has been to funerals all over the globe...
...now they're all gritching because the nominations are cinched and it's so boring they have to speculate about veeps...
...They point out that goslings never kidnap other goslings and hold them hostage, no matter what the provocation...
...In the heart of Texas, homeless terrorists have kidnapped a gosling named Homer and are holding him hostage...
...Not even their wives will bother to vote...
...You don't have to go to college to succeed, he told this sea of brown faces...
...The man responsible for robbing more than fifty chi-chi upscale designer cookie stores on the Upper West Side of Manhattan was finally nabbed by the police...
...He got dozens of hostages out of Iran without giving arms to the Ayatollah...
...You can go out in the world and help take care of those tall buildings that leap into the sky and you can be proud of yourselves...
...Shoot, the President made the major speech at a big fund-raiser for Bush and devoted three whole sentences to him...
...Great...
...Enough dull is enough...
...The Republicans should pick Phil Gramm for veep because they need a Texan on their ticket...
...He dealt efficiently with an attack rabbit...
...As they led the perp away, he said, "The cookies are garbage and you have to pay too much for them...
...Or Jimmy Carter...
...Social commentary by the criminal element...
...The President's plug was reminiscent of the time Reagan cruelly observed, "George Bush is the finest Vice President I can remember...
...This is the crowd that spent the first four months of the year whining because the Democrats wouldn't settle down and have a front-runner...
...What I've said all along about General Manuel Noriega is—what's wrong with Hawaii...
...The terrorists claim the people of Austin care more about feeding the ducks and geese on Town Lake than they do about providing shelter for the hundreds of homeless people living on the streets...
...The gosling is yellow, fluffy, alert, and adorable...
...Consider the beauty of this move...
...Detail continues apace...
...He made peace between Israel and Egypt...
...You have a future in janitorial service...
...The most memorable of these was, "I'm going to work as hard as I can to make Vice President George Bush the next President of the United States...
...Meanwhile, Bush remains cursed by his remarkable instinct for the fatuous...
...The fellow had been sticking up David's Cookies, Mrs...
...A trend...
...The terrorists have asked for a meeting with the city council, $1 million in the city budget for low-income housing, a public education campaign about homelessness, and amnesty from the Salvation Army...
...Forget these plausible people—Sam Nunn, Deukmejian, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Dale Bumpers...
...The scribes have gotten so far down in the barrel that some are touting Texas Senator Lloyd Bentsen...
...Field's, Haagen-Dazs ice cream parlors, and similar Yuppie hangouts by pretending he had a gun stuck under his coat...
...He recently addressed a high school audience in East Los Angeles...
...kakis look tall...
...Given what we know about Reagan's work habits, it looks good for Michael Dukakis...
...The press, eternal whipping boy, was blamed for stirring up a flap over whether Reagan was enthusiastic in his endorsement of George Bush...
...They threaten to kill and even eat the beast on the Capitol steps unless their demands are met...
...Some local citizens feel the homeless deserve consideration, but the majority of letter writers and callers to the Humane Society are more concerned about the gosling...
...The answer is Carter...
Vol. 52 • July 1988 • No. 7
