SMALL FAVORS
Ivins, Molly
SMALL FAVORS Molly Ivins Persian Diversion Hair in the butter" is what we say in East Texas to describe a sensitive situation. The Great Iranian Arms Caper is not only hair in the butter; I'd say...
...I don't know how the rest of you are bearing up, but I'm still stuck on the mystery of the cake and the Bible...
...Watching the "spin doctors" at work is fascinating: The first step is to blame the media for everything...
...They even persuaded the most recently released hostage to stand on the White House lawn and declaim, in a voice shaking with emotion, that the lives of the hostages still in captivity depended on restraint by the media...
...Same Oliver North he had fired only the week before on grounds that North is the only man in the entire world who knew that profits from the illegal sale of arms had been illegally turned over to the con-tras...
...I especially like the part when something new and more horrible is revealed and they announce that Edwin Meese will investigate...
...and "Didn't anyone think...
...Would you guys like a couple of candles to hold your hands over...
...Another great moment was when Richard Nixon appeared on television urging complete candor as the best possible option...
...Damage control, deniability, spin, turn...
...If the White House wanted to make friends, why didn't anyone think to take a nice leather-bound Koran, maybe with gold lettering, preferably in Farsi...
...This is the famous putting-out-the-fire-with-kerosene ploy...
...I love this...
...If the "delicate negotiations" go awry, it is the press's fault...
...continue to cover all the new information that comes out...
...If Reagan's IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day...
...He sent arms to bring peace...
...If the man had a brain, he'd play with it...
...One of my favorite moments was when the President told us his purpose in all this was to bring an end to the terrible war between Iraq and Iran...
...The Iranians say we sent a Bible, and they were honest enough to call Ronald Reagan's explanation of all this "mere lies...
...Ollie North, meet G. Gordon Liddy...
...But the Administration is clearly counting on North to go down with his lips buttoned...
...Listen, my momma may have raised a mean child, but she raised no hypocrites...
...Molly Ivins, a columnist for the Dallas Times Herald, appears in this space every month...
...I'm entitled to this satisfaction...
...As Senator Bob Dole said, not even Ripley would believe it...
...Remember the graffito from Vietnam—"Fighting for peace is like fucking for chastity...
...You recall that the first wind we got of this megillah was that the President's former national-security adviser had gone to "Iran, looking to make friends, and had taken along some gifts—a Bible and a cake...
...Also outstanding was when the Prez called Oliver North "a national hero...
...I can't wait to read the papers every morning...
...Donald Regan's description of himself as a pooper-scooper is already classic: "Some of us are like a shovel brigade that follows a parade down Main Street cleaning up...
...The very thought of Ed Meese—with his keen legal sensibility, his sensitive ethical antennae—renders me cheerful beyond all description...
...One interesting aspect of the big mess is the political sociology of lying...
...Several developments later, Reagan was still carrying on about "the sharks circling...
...It has not been easy to be anti-Reagan in Texas for the last six years...
...Say what...
...Say what...
...Of course, it has since been denied that we ever sent a Bible, but all of the denials have deniability...
...Took a Bible...
...Why are we sending these people a Bible in English...
...The Republic has sunk to such a state that our public servants not only lie but brag about it and even seem to consider it their chief function...
...I'd say someone's thrown a skunk in the church house as well...
...I know some of you humorless old lefties think we shouldn't gloat publicly over Reagan's difficulties...
...Damn right, I'm gloating...
...Ever since then, we've been learning more about this damned fool venture, but no new questions occur...
...Ah, said the President with great lucidity, it's true we shipped weapons to Iran, but they were defensive weapons...
...we all said...
Vol. 51 • January 1987 • No. 1
