SMALL FAVORS
Ivins, Molly
SMALL FAVORS Molly Ivins Sympathy for the Devil The trouble with progressives is that they have no idea what to do when they win. We could just gloat, like normal people, but nooooo. ... Our...
...And if you can't think of anything else to put a smile on your puss, here's a delicious item: The governor of Texas has gone to France on a mission requiring tact and diplomacy...
...And then another, "YIP...
...I know many a mean-spirited Texas politician for whom defeat at the polls is not enough...
...Georges Pompidou came to Dallas, Clements sat next to her at the big luncheon and asked, in his charming way, "So why didn't your husband come, too...
...Beloveds, let us agree the someone responsible for that act has as much respect for the right to privacy as Judge Bork has...
...And then a "YIPPEE...
...It's quite remarkable how they keep returning to this hoary formula, confusing criticism with subversion...
...Clements considers himself especially gifted at getting along with the French...
...The price of cotton is up, the price of cattle is up, the football strike is over, and Wall Street has come unglued, causing thousands of greedheads to default on their VCR payments...
...For one thing, he's got style that is unique and unmistakable, his very own je ne sais quoi...
...In the meantime, rejoice, dear hearts, rejoice...
...Your true patriot realizes, of course, that one of the greatest glories of our great nation is, in fact, the national stupidity...
...Shoot, we are getting to be such a nation of conformist yea-say-ers that anyone who points out a stupidity is suspected of a lack of patriotism...
...Even before the Senate finished trashing Bork, they were fretting and vexing themselves, asking, "Do you think the next candidate will be worse...
...They still can't tell the difference between being hard on Republicans and being soft on communists...
...That wasn't right...
...Nye Bevan said, in the midst of World War II, that "in a democracy, idolatry is the first sin...
...Perhaps our finest trait is our incurable tendency, upon being confronted with any problem, to mount horse and charge off in 360 directions...
...Is the Pope Catholic...
...As they say in France, "Quel from-age...
...Now, do remember that the French have their own nuclear weapons and do not stray far from your bomb shelters until he gets back...
...Do they stop to savor righteous victory...
...I want them arrested for speeding on the way home and forced to take defensive driving for the fifth time...
...They have fallen back on their favorite dodge, which is to accuse everyone who disagrees with them of treason...
...To wit, he's tryin' to drum up some bidness...
...That oft-put query was definitively answered by the Pope himself during his recent visit to these shores...
...Hell, of course he's worse...
...Let loose, prance a bit, cut a dido...
...Governor Bill Clements was born to be a diplomat to France...
...The wonderful thing about sending Clements to France is that we know he will finally meet someone ruder, though more subtle, than he is...
...He's not a hateful man...
...Our creed may dictate that we weep for milk-shy Hottentots and wring our hands over the plight of the glandular obese, but we must come to realize that there are some people so offensive that when they are down, there is but one thing to do—kick them...
...John Kenneth Gal-braith woke from his nap long enough to snort and observe, "Not while I'm still alive...
...She replied, "He's been dead for seven years...
...You may have noticed that recent reverses have driven the right-wing brethren into berserk frenzy...
...My friends, this must be resisted...
...Now Robert Bork is by no means as loathsome as Nixon...
...Don't startle yourselves with loud noises, but you should try just one soft, "Yip...
...When Mme...
...Molly Ivins, a columnist for the Dallas Times Herald, appears in this space every month...
...Not even the supreme emergency of war justifies the abandonment of critical judgment...
...That's the spirit...
...As Marianne Moore once observed in a different context, "It is an honor to witness so much confusion...
...It's that special, unforgettable way he has of saying, "Stick it in your ear...
...Our notoriously hyperactive compassion requires us to empathize with all of life's victims and underdogs, so when we occasionally win a battle, we suffer an incurable impulse to succor the loser...
...Progressives are such worriers, such nudges...
...The President laments the dear, departed days when the House Un-American Activities Committee was the mother sow, suckling every hate pig in the country...
...But the Reagan Administration's efforts to portray him as a victim are finding all too ready an audience among liberals...
...I hear your nerdy voices out there saying, "Well, I do think it was a shame when someone got the record of the movies he had rented from the video store and gave it to the newspapers...
...At a recent symposium on the Nixon Presidency, some bleeding-heart scholar observed, "As we all know, Nixon is his own worst enemy...
Vol. 51 • December 1987 • No. 12
