The Last Word
Urfer, Bonnie
THE LAST WORD Bonnie Urfer Memoirs of a Normal Childhood Ihad a normal childhood. It was filled with violence and abuse. Most of it I don't remember. Some things I will never forget. The first...
...All of my life I remembered these things and now I'm telling...
...I went down the next aisle...
...The first time I was abused by a man I was six years old...
...I hurried by, not wanting to disappoint my mother by leaving the store without the supplies I was sent for...
...I didn't know until I grew up and had an adult relationship with a man...
...My cousin Tim was going to get her and asked if I'd ride along...
...Then as my hand guided over the soft thing it began to get hard and large...
...so did he...
...He was standing close behind me when the door closed behind my mother...
...But I never forgot that day at Elmer's gas station and I never went back...
...When I was eleven years old I went to the grocery store for my mother...
...I was scared, I was always scared...
...I ran out of the store and went home with nothing but tears running down my face...
...I am only one person and these are only a few of the things I remember...
...I said yes...
...It was always a very special event and a big deal was made of his time in the city...
...The first thing I heard as I sat on Elmer's lap was a zipper opening...
...I still didn't know what it was...
...As he went by I thought I saw his penis out of his pants...
...When I got there I wandered up and down the aisles looking for the items ordered...
...Shortly after that episode Elmer took my brother on a trip with him...
...My mother walked down the stairs and went outside...
...In the next second the door opened, and as fast as his hand went in, it came out...
...I wanted to cry...
...I was scared, I was always scared...
...I was scared, I was always scared...
...Bonnie Urfer is co-director of Nukewatch in Madison, Wisconsin...
...There was the time I was ice skating, going from the pavilion onto the ice...
...We were somewhere on our way when he stopped the car and started fondling my body and kissing me...
...Again and again and again I was scared...
...My aunt needed to be picked up from work about twenty miles away through back country roads...
...I was so angry, I flew into the back seat where I kicked and kicked as hard as I could each time his hands came toward me...
...As I walked out the door the hand of someone going in cupped my breast and squeezed...
...I remember trying to figure out what it was I was touching without looking...
...On my way down one side aisle a man came toward me from the opposite direction...
...He finally stopped trying, told me I sure wasn't part of the family, and drove on to pick up his mother...
...He led me behind the counter, sat down on a chair, and lifted me onto his lap...
...I didn't know...
...As soon as it slammed, his hand went down the front of my pants...
...One warm day when I was thirteen my grandfather came to town to visit us...
...And his penis was out of his pants...
...He took my hand and led it behind me where I felt something soft, something very strange and wobbly and squishy...
...It's time we all started telling the truth about our normal childhoods...
...I never let myself be alone in the same room with my grandfather again...
...I felt so abused, so used, so low...
...For the first time in all of these years I can say it wasn't my fault and for the first time I'm recognizing and hearing from other women that they too had an uncle who managed to brush his hand across their breasts every time there was a hug to be given, or a family friend who always wanted the girls to sit on his lap so he could fondle their breasts or put his hand down their pants when no one was looking...
...His name was Elmer, and he managed the gas station next to our house...
...I didn't look at him...
...We were preparing a picnic outside, so that's where most people were, except for my mother, my grandfather, and me...
...I was scared, I was always scared...
...When I was eight years old I visited my cousins with my family...
...That left me and my grandfather...
...One summer day I walked over to visit him...
Vol. 50 • October 1986 • No. 10
