The Last Word
Heymont, George
\THE LAST WORD George Heymont Parents Come Out This time, I was lucky: I escaped unhurt. It was a Friday night and I was walking toward San Francisco's Castro District for a hamburger. Suddenly,...
...As we headed for the meeting at the Metropolitan Community Church, I suddenly realized that in all these years my father had never met another parent who had a gay child...
...These parents are increasingly aware of the threats to their children...
...The whistle I carry saved my life...
...How do I make sure my child knows I love him...
...But many parents muster the courage to find out about the part of their child is gay...
...Because they're gay doesn't mean we love them any less than our heterosexual children...
...Any religion that would force me to turn on my own son couldn't be a way of life for me," she says...
...Many lesbians and gay men fear they will "hurt" their parents with the news...
...When I came out to my family in the late 1960s, there were no such support groups...
...His prime concern was for my safety...
...The survivors are the ones who reach out and say, "You're still my child...
...How do I let my child know she's welcome in our home, and I want to be welcome in hers...
...And now that Congress has approved the McDonald amendment to the Legal Services Corporation bill (which would strip lesbians and gay men of equal access to Federally funded legal services), one might well wonder how much longer one's son or daughter will be able to live by the standards of equality guaranteed in the Constitution...
...If anything, they need our love and support even more if they're going to survive...
...The questions parents asked transcended any barrier of religion or sexuality...
...Some were accompanied by their gay sons or daughters...
...Finally, she felt compelled to make a choice...
...When he came out, his parents declared him dead and sat shiva for him...
...They offer emotional support for those parents (and children) who are trying to keep family bonds intact...
...Suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me...
...The group will provide support and referrals for local Parents of Gays groups in thirty cities across North America...
...But parents often feel isolated, too...
...He has written as a free-lancer for Ebony, G.Q., The Advocate, and other publications...
...For a long time, my parents, like many others, suffered in silence...
...He was luckier than parents who have found out only after a child has been beaten and hospitalized...
...In an age when conservative forces are trying to push homosexuals back into the closet, the Moral Majority has unwittingly brought families with homosexual children closer together...
...Box 24565, Los Angeles, California 90024...
...He already knew I was gay...
...Parents and children talked about myths and fears surrounding homosexuality...
...Almost twelve years later, I was able to take my father to a meeting of Parents of Gays while he was visiting in San Francisco...
...Others react by withdrawing into shame, hostility, and fear...
...In recent years, groups called Parents of Gays have sprung up around the nation...
...My friend Bruce comes from an orthodox Jewish family...
...Parents FLAGs address is P.O...
...She chose her child, and has never regretted the decision...
...One parent said, "It's hard enough for any youngster to survive in this world as is...
...Once they get over the humiliation of telling their friends, will they always be "the only ones" they know...
...I glanced over my shoulder in time to see a gang of teenagers gaining on me...
...And for many parents, finding out their child is a homosexual means the death of expectations they have nourished throughout their lives...
...As a parent, she had come a long way...
...The next morning, when my father called from the East Coast, I explained what had happened...
...Once they get over the humiliation of telling their friends, will they When gay men and women are in the throes of coming out they worry, "Am I the only one...
...The group looked like any other gathering of the middle-aged...
...For many, acceptance and understanding of an offspring's homosexuality do not come overnight...
...One yelled out, "Hey, man, we don't like fags...
...She had been a devout churchgoer for many years while trying to be supportive of her son's right to choose gay life...
...They were the age-old questions asked by every parent: "How do I make sure my child is safe...
...her intolerant church or her child...
...Because of these concerns...
...When bumper stickers read "Kill A Queer For Christ," the mother of a gay child has good reason to fear for her son's or daughter's safety...
...Will they ever meet anyone else whose child is gay...
...Parents FLAG is assuming an activist role...
...One FLAG parent told me how she had been forced to "come out" on behalf of her son...
...Years later, they realized that he was still their son and that they could not extinguish their love for him...
...Eventually, the family reconciled...
...been disinherited or ostracized, have lost their jobs and everything they've cherished...
...Some who have taken the risk have George Heymont is fine arts editor of San Francisco's Bay Area Reporter...
...Growing anti-gay pressure from the pulpit painted her into a corner...
...With police raids on gay bars and bathhouses and harassment of the gay community continuing, the parent of a gay has cause to worry about the child's job security...
...The group will sponsor national educational efforts directed toward schools, professional groups, and other parents' organizations, and work for legislative protection of gay rights...
...As the traditional family values they always assumed as given crumble in the face of reality, some parents initially suffer a kind of cultural shock...
...Every homosexual has heard enough such stories to wonder whether it is worth it to step out of the closet...
...In August 1981, delegates from seven states met in Los Angeles to form "Parents FLAG" (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays...
...But when you see what these gay kids are up against—especially the violence and hatred just because they're gay— we owe them every bit of support we can give them...
...By increasing awareness of the issues, the group hopes to help other parents come to grips with the reality of having a homosexual child...
...He had never had the chance to talk with other parents in the same situation...
...But for those who come out to their parents and friends, the ultimate reward is a chance to go through life without fear, without hiding, and with much more honesty...
Vol. 46 • March 1982 • No. 3
