Special Agent
Mayer, Milton
Special Agent MILTON MAYER It was 'way back there everything is getting to be 'way back there when a man rapped at Bill Brandon's door and Bill pulled himself out of his brown study and the...
...Why don't you ask Miltie...
...Special Agent MILTON MAYER It was 'way back there everything is getting to be 'way back there when a man rapped at Bill Brandon's door and Bill pulled himself out of his brown study and the man showed him a badge that said, "Special Agent...
...You should have seen him fall on his face trying to do the present subjunctive middle of didasko...
...He can't conjugate echei past the first aorist...
...So he does," said Bill, "but he's told me more than once, hell, he tells me every day, that there's a limit to pacifism and the FBI is it...
...That's right," said the Agent...
...Know him...
...Oh," said Bill, "Federal Bureau of Investigation why, that's the FBI...
...I don't want to know about his Greek," said the S. A. "I want to know about his political views...
...His political views...
...said the Agent "I don't rightly know," said Bill, "because I never meddle in .politics myself...
...The Special Agent saidand Bill reported his words to me verbatim, and I wrote them down, the date being December 13, 1954: "/// were capable of believing that J. Edgar Hoover had falsified evidence, I'd shoot myself" and Sweet Old Bill, showing him the door, through which he disappeared, never to be seen again in our part of town, said, " Don't stand on ceremony on my account...
...You'll probably need it," said Bill, "and you'd better draw fast...
...Come in, come in," said Bill, and the Agent came in and Bill waved him to a chair and said, "There, now my good man, what can I tell you about Miltie...
...If Miltie finds out you're from the same FBI he wrote about in the old Forum, back in the 1930s, under the title, 'The Myth of the G-Men,' he's liable to shoot you on sight...
...I thought it would be more, er, convenient," said the Agent, "if I asked you...
...We are all Special Agents," said the man, "and I want to know if you know a man named Milton Mayer...
...Fuller Brush...
...I didn't say," said the Special Agent...
...Paul...
...I showed you my badge," and he showed Bill his badge again...
...I'm not interested " said the Agent...
...He'd rather sell them than give them away, but he can't sell them so he gives them away...
...What's Miltie done...
...What's so Special about you...
...I'd like to ask you a few questions about him," said the Special Agent...
...said Bill...
...FBI," said Bill...
...Miltie can be downright mean...
...What's he got against the FBI...
...People think it's senility, but I've known him since he was shin-high to a turtledove and he hasn't changed a bit...
...The man to ask about Miltie's political views is Miltie...
...Convenient...
...You got a gun...
...Well," said Bill, "whatever's he's done you can bet your gumshoes that he's flubbed it...
...That's what we want to find out," said the Agent...
...And without waiting for a reply, Bill went on, "I can tell you that his Greek is lousy, for a starter...
...Matter of fact, he'll probably kick you down the stairs, badge and all...
...Why, er " said the Agent...
...Avon...
...Why, Miltie's shack is right across the yard here, through the bushes...
...But he calls himself a pacifist," said the Agent...
...Special,' " said Bill...
...It's a good thing you're not," said Bill, "because Miltie's a cranky old coot...
...said Bill (or, as we all call him, Sweet Old Bill, sometimes by the initials, for short), "I know Miltie like the back of my hand," and he held up the back of a hand gnarled by a lifetime of knocking out masterpieces on the American Indian...
...said Bill...
...But back there in the 1930s he said that J. Edgar Hoover falsified the evidence against Roger Touhy in the Hamm kidnapping case up in St...
...I'll phone him and tell him you're on your way over, and he'll bake a cake," and he reached for the phone and said to the Agent, "By the way, what did you say you're a Special Agent for...
Vol. 40 • December 1976 • No. 12
