A MORNING WITH MR. GASBONDS
Robbins, L. H.
A MORNING WITH MR. GASBONDS _By L.H. ROBBINS 7:30. THE HON. GEORGE GASBONDS rises, bathes, shaves and dresses. For a half-hour he glances over the "Morning Morganonian," which informs him...
...As his automobile rolls swiftly through the narrow streets, pedestrians here and there run for the safety of the sidewalk, and little children carrying parcels have hair-breadth escapes...
...For a half-hour he glances over the "Morning Morganonian," which informs him humorously of a man who has starved a family, of another who has put poison in the soup at a boardinghouse, of a third who has defrauded a farmer in a land deal...
...GASBONDS motors to business...
...It denounces muckraking in government affairs and condemns Busybodies generally...
...As a Philanthropist also Mr...
...Does he ever force anybody to buy Sawdusto...
...Mr...
...If you suggest to Mr...
...If you tell Mr...
...He concludes his literary breakfast with a Honeyed Editorial, which he approves heartily...
...What a shame to send a child into the street on a day like this, anyway...
...That is where they ought to be, out of harm's way...
...His friend Tomkins smiles and replies "I have made some study cf your notion of boosting the city and I find that it really means boosting the people of the town into the Tree to pluck the Plums which you and your corporation friends desire to eat...
...The Wheels of Commerce must not be skidded by oficial Bumptiousness...
...to whom Mr...
...Gasbonds agrees with an eminent Professor in one, at least, of that sociologist's radical opinions...
...Gasbonds spends the remainder of the morning profitably in supervising the manufacture of Sawdusto, the famous sugar-coated Near-food of which he is the inventor and sole proprietor...
...Gasbonds reads of these offenses with a shudder...
...BREAKFAST, a pleasant, homelike affair, followed by Scriptural reading...
...If they are big enough to go to the grocery," thinks Mr...
...Am I not right, George...
...Gasbonds, "are not the true Progressives, though they give themselves that name...
...Only last week a fire-breathing meddler charged him, in a public meeting, with selling thousands of tons of Sawdust yearly as food, thereby causing hosts of poor people to be improperly nourished and to develop Blockheaditis...
...AT HIS factory, Mr...
...People who are eternally carping," says Mr...
...The odious agitator even accused him of killing sick people with the unwholesome products of his factory, and denounces him for obtaining the dimes of the consumers under false pretenses...
...Gasbonds supports...
...The Morganonian's motto, "Let us alone," he has adopted long ago as his own...
...which is that the present uproar against swollen fortunes is due not to any growth of moral sentiment in the public mind, but to the fact that the owners of the swollen fortunes run people down with automobiles...
...Gasbonds...
...9:30...
...Gasbonds is extremely fond of his family...
...He is interrupted for a minute by a sidewalk inspector (a new hand at the business), who repeats a complaint of last week that the Sawdusto company is using part of the Public Highway for a Storeroom...
...His beautiful Devotion to his childdren is pointed out to his detractors as proof positive that he can do no wrong...
...Gasbon's retorts, "Nonsense...
...Let us Boost our city, not Knock it," says Mr...
...GASBONDS takes lunch at the club, where he allows himself to be drawn into an argument with his friend Tomkins as to the true meaning of the word Progress...
...Gasbonds telephones as soon as the Inspector leaves...
...He wishes he could feel that this Sinful World were improving, but he is afraid it is no better than it was before he was born...
...When the trolley company offers to relieve the congestion in the middle of town by building a loop through the Main Corridor of the City Hall, it is Progress to consent to the proposition, and it is retrogression of the most stupid sort to place objections and obstacles in the way of the scheme by howling that the People's Rights are being Given away...
...Thank goodness, thinks Mr...
...The man who progresses is the one who makes all the money he can, thus keeping Labor busy, and who lets the business-men in the next block make as much as they can, without interfering with their affairs or shaking the Confidence of the public by crying against their Methods...
...12:00 MR...
...He teaches a Sunday-school class, by the way, and is successful in inspiring young men with the ambition to possess nobility of character, honesty, courage, temperance and the other attributes which help in the struggle upward...
...Likewise when young and promising enterprises need a little indulgence from the building department to help them get started, we ought to give there a show...
...with a snort, and Tomkins enjoys a quiet grin behind cigar smoke while his booster friend joins a group of eminent gentlemen before the fireplace and adds his opinion to theirs that the cardinal sin of the age is Hypocrisy...
...Rigid enforcement of the criminal laws," he says, "is the only thing that will preserve Society...
...He does not believe in letting his right hand know what his left hand does, but the news gets around somehow, and it is not at all Bad for Sawdusto...
...a fear that some men might hesitate to admit...
...Gasbonds is distinguished, being held in high esteem by the directors of many Benevolent Societies and often singled out for public praise...
...It is his frequent contention that the carelessness of lower-class parents is one of the most reprehensible things in the world...
...10:00...
...Gasbonds that as a matter of fact the book is Out of the libraries Most of the Time, he will not understand you...
...To a stenographer the president of the Sawdusto Company dictates a score of letters, which, however, will not be copied on the typewriter for several hours, owing to the fact that the Dollar-mark in the machine is found to be completely Worn Away, and a repair man will have to come to fix it...
...Gasbonds, there are such journals as the Morganonian to rush to the defense of Persecuted Business men and laugh their slanderers off the stage...
...Gasbonds, with the children in mind, "they are big enough to go to school...
...In all other particulars the Professor is Dangerously Wrong, to be sure, and this book about present-day Sin should be expelled from the public libraries...
...8:30...
...Gasbonds that perhaps he belongs in a class with the starvationist, the poisoner and the swindler of whom he has just been reading, he will resent the insinuation with honest indignaticn...
...Gasbonds settles this officious person speedily by directing him to go see the Boss of the glorious political party which Mr...
Vol. 3 • March 1911 • No. 12
