Guns and Batter
Lipez, Richard
END GAME Guns and Batter RICHARD LIPEZ The hue and cry over the so-called American gun problem is being raised again, but what the "liberal" advocates of gun control continue to overlook are...
...The gun critics conveniently choose to forget that the vast majority of gun-owners in this country use their weapons only for peaceful purposes...
...It may even be necessary...
...Drill two holes through the barrel (top to bottom) and the butt (front to back) of each pistol...
...Place the guns against the wall where you want the shelf...
...Vi teaspoon salt...
...This admittedly widespread use of t h e handgun is practical and ecologically sound...
...Remove your shower nozzle and screw on the pistol...
...Likewise with handguns...
...Then pop 'em into your mouth, lean back, and say, '' Mmm...
...Lay the shelf across the protruding gun butts, and mark with a pencil where holes should be drilled in the shelf...
...Yet another gun lobbiest acquaintance explained how hand guns are used quite often for whipping up a mouth-watering batch of blueberry-and-sour-cream muffins: Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees Sift before measuring: 2 cups cake flour or 13A cups all-purpose flour Resift with: 1 teaspoon double-acting baking powder...
...Hardly anybody ever loads and shoots a rifle at somebody or something...
...Replace the shelf on the gun butts, and secure it with nuts and bolts...
...Harmful...
...Another gun lobbyist friend of mine described, over dinner at the Washington Jockey Club, how millions of American handgun owners who prefer to take a shower under a hard shooting stream of water instead of a soft spray use their handguns as shower nozzles...
...1 cup blueberries Combine with: 1 beaten egg Pick up (unloaded) handgun by barrel and beat batter for ten to twenty seconds...
...A popular use of the handgun, for example, is to take two large pistols and have them serve as shelf brackets...
...Many rifle owners also stuff bundles of straw up the barrels of their rifles and— presto!—they've got a child's toy broom...
...Remove the shelf and drill holes in it...
...Many well meaning but misguided "liberals" are trying to restrict the ownership and use of handguns...
...2 tablespoons sugar...
...Man's primal urge to put up shelves cannot be denied, and doing it with handguns provides a "double-barreled" outlet that is wholesome and so far (cross your fingers...
...Dangerous...
...Next, screw the barrels into the wall with plaster screws...
...Guns don't kill people, people do...
...END GAME Guns and Batter RICHARD LIPEZ The hue and cry over the so-called American gun problem is being raised again, but what the "liberal" advocates of gun control continue to overlook are the legitimate uses to which guns are put by millions of law-abiding Americans...
...V2 teaspoon soda Measure: 1 cup cultured sour cream...
...First, you remove the hammer from a well made pistol and have a pipefitter thread the (upper) end of the firing chamber...
...Not on your life...
...You get a power drill with a tough, well-tempered one-eighth inch bit...
...Again, the critics are ignoring the peaceful uses to which most handguns are put...
...Gun owners know that the sooner children start ''pretending" to help keep the house clean, the sooner they'll get into the habit of helping to do the real thing...
...This will give you a good, stimulating shower, and it will keep you plenty clean if you remember to shower at least once a day...
...The last thing a rifle owner would do with his weapon would be to use it for its intended purpose...
...Despite the popular misconceptions, most Americans rifles, for example, are used as tomato stakes...
...Place books or objets dfart on the shelf, and there you are...
...A gun lobbyist friend of mine was recently explaining to some members of Congress how the average handgun owner does this, and the lobbyist let me listen in...
...Sometimes as rudders (or extra oars) on small rafts...
...As they say down at the National Rifle Association, "Shower nozzles don't let people get smelly, people d o . " And, "Register stinky people, not shower nozzles...
...Pour batter into well-greased muffin tin and bake for twenty to twenty-five minutes...
...socially acceptable...
...Or as curtain rods, or softball bats...
...Mmmm!'' Richard Lipez, a columnistfor theAmherstRecord in Massachusetts, contributes the''End Game9'feature on this page every month...
...The barrels should be pointing down, with the butts protruding away from the wall...
Vol. 39 • December 1975 • No. 12
