Incentive
Mayer, Milton
Incentive MILTON MAYER ford College, "is what it's all about." " I s what what's all about?'' I asked, polluting the Vice- Presidential office with pipe smoke t h e while. " I s what quitting...
...President Ford says they have got to have more incentive to drill for oil...
...Your calling them strikers shows that you don't understand the incentive system," said Steve...
...How much," I said, still pondering the chairperson's $500,000, "is enough...
...Why don't five hundred thousand bucks move the chairperson of an oil company, then...
...Surely it i s n ' t , " said Steve...
...They are dying to work...
...My boy, never underestimate the power of a buck...
...I s what quitting smoking is all about," said Steve...
...Money, said Steve...
...What happened...
...Ten years a g o , " said Steve, " I was a ten-pack-a-day man, and so was my pal Rick Yarnall...
...Anybody will do anything or, asinthecase of the dying smoker, quit doing anything, for enough money...
...We all go limp, every now and then, because we are not getting enough incentive to get up off our duffs and do our choices...
...Surely consecration is incentive enough...
...How much more...
...Nobody will do anything for his needy country, or his needy countrymen, or even (as in the case of the dying smoker) for himself...
...You talk as if you would teach, or sanitate, or quench, or apprehend if we gave you t h e Medal of Hero of American Labor instead of the $500,000 a year you need to stiryour stumps...
...Smoking...
...The chairpersons of the Big Six oil companies—Mobil, Texaco, Exxon, Shell, Gulf, and Phillips—got salaries of $500,000 apiece last year, give or take (but mostly take) $50,000 one way or another...
...These chairpersons all want to work...
...You haven't the incentive...
...How about that...
...You say it' s t h e incentive system...
...If I'd had to give Rick a dime every time I lit a cigarette, I'dbeatwenty-pack-a-dayman now...
...B u t , " I said, " ' I don't want to quit smoking...
...On the twenty-ninth day Rick and I made a compact—not a compact to quit smoking, not at all, but a compact to save money...
...Or a hog farmer, or a school teacher, or a policeperson, or a fireperson, or a sanitationperson...
...The fear of death is the second greatest of all incentives, or urges, and you haven't got i t ." "What is the first, you dirty old man, you...
...Incentive MILTON MAYER ford College, "is what it's all about...
...And what's the first, you polluted old man, you...
...I said...
...Fred X. Fry, " t h a t I will live forever if nobody takes my pipe away from me...
...Quod erat demonstrandum—that's Quakerese for, 'There you are.' " "Quidvis pro pecunia/' I said, "nihil pro quovis alio—and that's Quakerese for, 'Anything for money, nothing for anything else.' I understand about oil companies and hog farmers, but I don't understand about sanitationpersons, policepersons, firepersons, and teachpersons...
...There you a r e , " said Steve...
...Money alone moves a man, and I guess I ought to know...
...M o r e , " saidSteve...
...Insufficient incentive...
...The sawbones gave us thirty days to live, but we were both Quakers and the fear of death is, as you know, as nothing to a Quaker...
...Smoking will be the death of you...
...Next month I am climbing Annapurna in carpet slippers and Rick is going around the world in a kayak...
...Every time either of us lit a cigarette h e ' d have to give $50 to the other's favorite charity...
...There you are again,'' said Steve...
...If you know your Quakers," said Steve, "you know that a Quaker isn't a fool...
...Because,'' said Steve, "$500,000to him is like a dime to me...
...You are like an oil company," said Steve...
...What makes you guess you ought to know...
...Which," I said, "if I know my Quakers, would be himself...
...Teaching," I said, "is the second holiest calling...
...That dodge was specifically excluded by the compact...
...Without sufficient incentive they are simply too weak to work...
...P r a y e r , " I said...
...They want to drill for oil and breed hogs and teach school and sanitate sanitation and quench fires and apprehend criminals, but they can't move a muscle...
...They're consecrated to the public service...
...Milton Mayer is Roving EditorofTheProgressive...
...But it won't b e , ' ' I s a i d . ' 'I have t h e written opinion of my late beloved friend and personal physician," Dr...
...JustbetweenusQuakers," saidSteve, "prayerwon't bring you in a wooden nickel, and neither will teaching unless you can jingle enough incentive to get out of bed and go out and do it...
...I say it's astrike...
...We have to have more incentive...
...I tell you, just between us Quakers, that a man who can't be got to do anything for any other reason can be got to do it for money...
...The hogfarmers have so little incentive to breed hogs—or even let them breed themselves—that production (or reproduction) has fallen 17 per cent and the price of bacon has risen to $17 a pound...
...President Ford is right...
...Teaching is no holier a calling than hog calling...
...Or haven't you...
...Patriotism ties them hand and foot to the incentive system...
...Neither of us lit a cigarette from that day to this, and we are both in the pink...
...You make me sound like an oil company," I said...
Vol. 39 • December 1975 • No. 12
