Coolest Man in the Room
Lipez, Richard
Coolest Man in the Room RICHARD LIPEZ P. Hi, Bob. Sit down—sit down. I guess you've heard— H. Right. Somebody pressed the button—some (expletive deleted) mess this is. Kissinger the...
...H. World War III could put a dent in the detente...
...P. What...
...P. That is true...
...P. National security...
...And Liddy painted his name on one of the missiles before he pressed the button...
...P. Make a general statement saying—how, say this very bizarre mushroom cloud thing, if it appears at all, is deplorable but that nobody now employed by the White House will have been involved...
...P. Well, I've got Brezhnev on a short leash but I'm not certain that Kosygin will— H. He is kind of buzzy, stupid...
...Strachan would be called...
...His name was spotted by a Pan Am pilot on some unidentified flying object that also had an American flag on it...
...D. I'm afraid, Sir— H. Yep...
...D. At least that...
...H. I asked Henry that...
...With the Watergate cover-up unraveling I didn't have time to— D. I think we could get by on that...
...Z. Oh, the Post called too...
...D. Uh, huh...
...You could consider that scenario...
...P. Well, shall we head for the bomb shelter...
...It was some misguided guys over at CREEP, isn't it...
...H. This is a problem...
...He had the button...
...P. (Expletive removed...
...P. And in effect, look like—Now the other line, however, if you take the line that they attacked first...
...D. Watergate...
...D. Right...
...H. Henry says thirty per cent of their missiles might get through...
...D. The Senate Foreign Relations Committee will hold hearings, you can (expletive deleted) bet on that...
...Let me say this— D. You might put it on a national security grounds basis...
...Asked if a guy called Liddy works here...
...P. Congratulations, John...
...What should I indicate...
...P. Get the name of the reporter who called...
...P. Somebody get Bebe...
...By now it must be down to six or eight...
...P. Oh...
...So our options are—We could fight it out but the Chinese might move in and pick up the pieces and we would— H. Look like dopes...
...P. Because I was busy with—what...
...They're asking about some damn World War III story that is going around...
...There was a pause— P. He is such a dumb— H. And he said no, we have fifteen minutes...
...P. Is there any way we can keep the missiles from landing until after the '74 elections...
...P. Who is this (expletive removed) Liddy, anyway...
...P. Oh, uh—oh, ah—well— (Door closes...
...P. Oh, nuclear holocaust would be a hard rap to prove...
...D. They are against us...
...Strachan knows...
...Kissinger the (unintelligible) called and says the Russians have just sent up their— P. That's right...
...H. Sure...
...P. (Expletive deleted...
...The way you have handled all this, it seems to me, has been very skillful...
...D. Nothing is going to come crashing down on us to our surprise...
...Now isn't that just . . . totally irresponsible...
...D. We could re-call the planes and missiles but Strachan has shredded the fail-safe code, which from a cold legal standpoint is probably— P. Destruction of government property...
...P. Now we have to take a look at our options...
...Most of the East Coast would go, which we could live with...
...But— P. So ridiculous...
...D. I am keeping a list...
...Moscow, Leningrad—how the hell— H. Henry says thirty-five cities and all the Russian military bases...
...Figure about sixty per cent destruction of the entire— P. Uh, huh...
...Door opens...
...P. On this I think we have to buy time, to minimize— D. We have fifteen minutes...
...Just got a call from CBS...
...It was just eight minutes ago Liddy pressed— P. What is it...
...D. When he asked Mitchell for access to the button Mitchell just laughed and puffed and said —Oh, hell, if it makes him happy— P. Right— H. Really...
...D. Retaliation may be a problem...
...We will get him good after this doomsday thing blows over...
...Liddy had to press the button for national security . . . D. Then the question is, why didn't you do it...
...Z. Hi...
Vol. 38 • July 1974 • No. 7
