Congressional Poll
Lipez, Richard
CONGRESSIONAL POLL RICHARD LIPEZ Aunt Doris and Aunt Maxine got a questionnaire in the mail from their Congressman, and Aunt Doris wasn't sure what to make of it. "What does he mean, Maxine, when...
...That's an angle I hadn't considered...
...Other, Doris...
...Is there a space for other...
...I just think we should check other...
...Don't get him wrong...
...Of the United States...
...I'm just not sure we should encourage that...
...Uh-huh...
...Impeachment, or resignation, or neither, or what...
...Well, what should we put on the questionnaire...
...A lot of people think he should quit and let Gerald Ford take over...
...Oh, all right, Maxine...
...He wants to know whether we think Nixon should be impeached...
...And to the President's finding his vocational aptitude in the very near future...
...How about other...
...What do you say we forget the questionnaire," said Aunt Maxine, raising a glass...
...I mean he'd go on trial in the Senate...
...I see...
...I don't think he should quit until he gets a better offer...
...If you insist on embarrassing the poor man, have it your way...
...If the President left office, I'm certain, Maxine, that Harold Ford would resign too...
...And this has set our Congressman to wondering...
...And cheers...
...Oh, I understand, Maxine...
...Just then the hall clock struck six, so Aunt Maxine brought out the bourbon and two glasses...
...So that he could go with Mr...
...I can accept that...
...Anyway, Maxine, no matter what you think, Mr...
...Apparently...
...He'd latch onto something sooner or later...
...Amen...
...Nixon get his head shaved, or what...
...Nixon didn't do anything wrong...
...That's not the point, Doris...
...Doris, Ford didn't even look at those documents...
...Then he'd be tried by the Senate...
...Nor would he have to wear a sweatshirt with a big scarlet 'C Richard Lipez is a columnist for the Amherst Record in Massachusetts...
...I've heard his reading speed is twelve words a minute...
...What did you have in mind...
...He's suspected of illegal wire-tapping, conspiracy to obstruct justice, suborning of perjury, conspiracy to defraud the United States, constitutional violation of his oath of office, wire fraud, tax fraud, destruction of evidence, nonfeasance, misfeasance, malfeasance, and crossing a state line in order to find cheap cigarettes...
...Nothing special...
...Then we won't have to decide...
...You can't be too cautious these days with the unemployment rate what it is...
...What's impeachment, anyway, Maxine...
...I'll drink to that," said Aunt Doris...
...The presidency of what—the Epworth League...
...And he thinks we might be able to clear things up...
...That would be making it too easy for the Congressman, Doris...
...The Congressman also wants to know whether or not we think the President should resign...
...The country has lost confidence in the man...
...An impeachment is a bringing of charges, an indictment...
...It would be a trial, Doris...
...So there...
...I think the Senate should give him a try...
...It's Nixon, Doris...
...I'm for that...
...He smells something funny going on...
...What do you say, Doris...
...He says he's honored to do that job...
...Right...
...And let's just drink to the remarkable notion that our Congressman might discover the truth in some place other than his mail box...
...That's not done any more, Doris...
...Nixon and continue to be his helper...
...He's just trying to find himself...
...He's just conscientious and wants to leave no stone unturned...
...Ford says there are papers that prove Mr...
...What does he mean, Maxine, when he says he wants our candid view on the current controversy surrounding the Presidency...
...I guess he thinks maybe we heard about some vital new evidence from the garbage man or the clerk at the liquor store...
...on it...
...Mmmm...
...It's not that he can't make up his own mind based on the evidence at hand...
...That's because he said he didn't have time...
...Would Mr...
...Yes, that must be it—evidence that the FBI, the Justice Department, the Ervin Committee, and the Special Prosecutor somehow overlooked...
...And if he didn't work out in the Senate, then maybe the Supreme Court could try him out for a while...
...I'm sure that when it comes time to vote yes or no on impeachment he'd love to vote other...
Vol. 38 • June 1974 • No. 6
