THE TWO LYNDONS
Serwer, Arnold
The Two Lyndons by ARNOLD SERWER TN RECENT MONTHS President Johnson ••• has displayed signs of a trait never before associated with him—humility. There is a Humble Lyndon emerging who seems...
...LBJ: Good morning...
...HEEP: Please, Mr...
...Proud Lyndon gained the upper hand there, not to mention Proud Rusk and the Pentagon nobility...
...Trouble is, I can't think of anything I've done to be sorry about...
...It is true that he promptly ordered the bombing resumed...
...There is a Humble Lyndon emerging who seems to be at war with Proud Lyndon...
...HEEP: Drop your head when you say it...
...HEEP: What happened...
...Of course his advisers have been aware of this possibility for some time and they have been working on it...
...And what goeth before a fall...
...LBJ: I refuse...
...And he bore down on the word "misery...
...Heep has had some success with LBJ but it is still quite a struggle as can be seen from the following transcript of one of their sessions: HEEP: Good morning, LBJ...
...HEEP: NO, no...
...Months ago they hired a fellow named Uriah Heep, an expert on humility, to give the President humble lessons three times a week...
...LBJ: Good morning, sir...
...HEEP: Why...
...That's not humble...
...But "pride" was the answer I had in mind...
...Say it with humility...
...HEEP: That's better...
...Actually, what I said was, "Please, Walter, be so kind as to saddle up and git out of town...
...Then there was the moment in February when the President said at a press conference, in the humblest of tones, that he would welcome "just almost any step" by Hanoi as a peace signal warranting extension of our bombing pause...
...HEEP: You might remember my mother's words: " 'Umble we are, 'umble we have been, 'umble we shall ever be...
...Adlai Stevenson once commented after talking with him: "That young man never says 'Please' and never says 'Thank you.' " LBJ: I get the point...
...What does a soft answer do...
...LBJ: Oh, yes...
...LBJ: Walter's leaving Washington...
...That will be $100 for today's lesson, please...
...HEEP: That makes it ever so much nicer...
...HEEP: I suppose so...
...LBJ: Either "No comment," or the State Department is instructed to deny there has been any fall which we recognize as a fall...
...LBJ: (grumbling) : Okay, okay...
...LBJ: You really think so...
...What goeth after a fall...
...Even George Washing ton admitted he made mistakes...
...HEEP: Good...
...The Two Lyndons by ARNOLD SERWER TN RECENT MONTHS President Johnson ••• has displayed signs of a trait never before associated with him—humility...
...I can't teach you to be humble if you're going to insist you're perfect...
...You're supposed to say, "Boy, did we flop...
...As Cicero said, "The higher we are placed, the more humbly we should walk...
...HEEP: I hope you said "Please...
...HEEP: That's very good...
...I know it's not easy for you to be humble...
...LBJ (angrily) : Everything's humble about you except your prices...
...Maybe I should do that "sorry" bit on television...
...Now, let's run through a warmup...
...Maybe I can use them in speeches...
...Saddle up and git out of town...
...Kennedy was no exception...
...LBJ: It turneth away wrath...
...LBJ: Well, I said to him, "Walter," I said, "Washington ain't big enough for the two of us...
...HEEP: Why don't you call up Walter Lippmann...
...LBJ: The CIA...
...By displays of patient suffering and Lincolnesque fortitude LBJ may start a new wave of support for himself...
...LBJ: Yes, but he made some...
...HEEP: TO paraphrase myself in David Copperjield, the money will help me eat " 'umble pie with an appetite...
...HEEP: Good morning, what...
...Presidents rarely are...
...HEEP: Say you're sorry...
...And we want to cram all the humility into you we can before the next election...
...LBJ: (drops his head and shuffles his feet) : I'm sorry—with humility...
...LBJ: (stiffly) : I'm sorry...
...For example, on one occasion LBJ quoted Thomas Jefferson's description of the Presidency as a "splendid misery...
...He'll think of something...
...I've been looking up quotations on pride and humility...
...Please" is not only courteous, it has supplication in it and, therefore, humility...
...Well, let's call it a day...
...Jimmy Stewart couldn't have done it any better...
...But it was a nice humble moment while it lasted...
...We will see more of Humble Lyndon in the days ahead, because short of bringing an early end to the war in Vietnam, the only way President Johnson can recover the ground he has lost in the polls is to win public sympathy as an underdog persecuted by cruel critics...
Vol. 31 • April 1967 • No. 4
