The Winners for 1966
Serwer, Arnold
The Winners for 1966 by ARNOLD SERWER President Bonanza, Directors of the Foundation, ladies and gentlemen: On behalf of the members of the Awards Committee, as its chairman, I want to express...
...Pause) Well, that was rather brief, wasn't it...
...It's all yours, Harvey...
...To George Wallace for the unique example of Southern gallantry toward womanhood which he demonstrated by getting his wife elected honorary governor, so that he can continue to run Alabama along racist lines and plan for the fulfillment of his fondest hope—to make Lurleen Wallace the First Lady of the land...
...The Committee put in long hours over a period of many weeks studying the nominations for the Bonanza Foundation Awards of 1966...
...The Winners for 1966 by ARNOLD SERWER President Bonanza, Directors of the Foundation, ladies and gentlemen: On behalf of the members of the Awards Committee, as its chairman, I want to express our fulsome thanks to the President of the Foundation, Harvey J. Bonanza, for the very kind words with which he introduced me, and the tributes he paid to the work of our Committee...
...To Richard M. Nixon for prolonged duty in the ready reserve of Presidential hopefuls, and for his eagerness to run against Lyndon Baines Johnson in what could be the strangest Presidential battle ever waged—between a candidate people don't trust and an incumbent people don't believe...
...If some of you people out there would stop ramming your feet into your shoes any old way, 1966 would have been a better year for Harvey Bonanza's company...
...To Everett McKinley Dirksen for setting a new record for Holy Rolling and political piety in the U.S...
...And now I will turn over the rostrum to President Bonanza once more...
...What's that, Harvey...
...To Secretary of State Dean Rusk and the Committee of One Million for their determined efforts to keep the United Nations from inviting China to join the family of nations...
...Award: another medal...
...To the NBC, CBS, and ABC networks for keeping the American people happy in television's dreamland by avoiding any thought-provoking, controversial series even remotely resembling the late Edward R. Murrow's See It Now...
...We now come to the solemn moment for which we are all waiting so solemnly...
...To Ronald Reagan for the most successful Know-Nothing campaign ever conducted for the governorship of California...
...There might have been more Awards but $79.17 does not go very far...
...To Premier Nguyen Cao Ky of South Vietnam for valor above and beyond the call of duty for his willingness to confront China in battle with the full power of American military might...
...Political scientists, historians, Washington correspondents, all sorts of keen observers of events flooded us with their recommendations for the Awards...
...Please reserve your applause until the citations are completed...
...Ha, ha, I certainly hope not...
...As chairman of the Awards Committee I will read the name of the award-ees, the reason for the awards, and designate the prizes awarded...
...That completes the list of Bonanza Foundation Awards for 1966, and you may now applaud to your heart's content...
...Oh, yes, the Awards...
...Of course, the Awards Committee knew that its selections would not please everyone...
...Award: a book of hymns...
...Chamber of Commerce...
...The Foundation could not budget more since this has been a very bad year for Bonanza Ezy-On Shoehorns...
...Award: one Chinese lichee nut to be divided into a million and one parts...
...Award: an all-expenses-paid evening out with Lester Maddox...
...Award: one eight-by-ten glossy print of Ronald Reagan inscribed with his most truthful comment of the campaign: "I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about...
...Award: a pair of roller skates without a skate key...
...The nominations came in from all parts of the country...
...To Congressman Adam Clayton Powell, who has been exploiting "black power" in Harlem for his personal benefit ever since Stokely Carmichael was five years old—a special award for demonstrating how hard it is to catch up with him and clap him in jail for contempt of court...
...Award: a bottle of Geritol for tired blood...
...Award: a collection of the foreign policy speeches of Barry Goldwater...
...Not every person nominated can be a winner...
...Senate with his unsuccessful Prayer Amendment aimed at undoing the Supreme Court decision against official prayers in public schools...
...To George Meany, President of the AFL-CIO, and to its Executive Council for taking foreign policy positions twenty years behind the times and three paces to the right of the U.S...
...I suppose there will be many indignant letters from people who submitted nominations which did not win Awards...
...In fact, I fear that our failure to cite such promising candidates as Robert Welch of the John Birch Society, or the House Un-American Activities Committee, or the Berkeley Hillbillies program, may lead you to nominate the Bonanza Foundation for oblivion...
...From all of this we have selected eight well-known persons and five organizations as most richly deserving of Bonanza Awards...
...Award: an assortment of George Romney's sugar-coated platitudes...
Vol. 31 • January 1967 • No. 1
