ONE-NYUN-SIX-SIX
Serwer, Arnold
One—Nyun—Six—Six by ARNOLD SERWER "~\7"ou're an odd one," said the Book-ing Agent, breaking into the Kid's complaint. "We only get one like you every 500 years or so." "What do you mean?" said...
...I'm not going," said the Kid sulkily...
...He seemed to listen for a moment, then muttered softly, "Yes, I understand, Boss...
...Millions of people with barely enough food to stay alive...
...I don't think I'll live out my time.' "But I calmed 1,000 down...
...It's a small planet but it's very important to try to reform it...
...Of course, I'm talking about A.D...
...Why sit there with a scowl bigger than you are...
...The Booking Agent consulted a ledger on his office desk...
...the Kid snapped...
...What does the clock say now...
...Yes, but he started off much more innocent and willing than you...
...Kid, right now I couldn't find a cross-eyed juggler with one Indian club...
...Why can't you do the same, Kid...
...He was so nervous I thought he would climb the walls...
...You've got to be joking...
...Our jet makes it down in about four seconds...
...But look, son, I book time on heavenly bodies for this whole galaxy, and I understand The Boss has other agents handling circuits I never even heard of...
...Well, I remember 1,000 reporting in here just before he was due to take off...
...I said 500 had been anxious too, because he was a half-millennium, but that the world hadn't ended with 500 and it wasn't likely to end with 1,000...
...Just keep your diapers on...
...So why should the Establishment put up with your objection to filling a booking on some little two-bit planet that—" There was a blinding flash of lightning, followed by a clap of thunder that shook the office...
...They got that baby blue spot right on stage center, and when you walk into that beam and it picks up your baby blue eyes—" The Kid smiled, hitched up his diaper, and toddled out the open door...
...You're not a millennium-type year...
...I don't believe it," said the Kid, "but I like the sweet smell of flattery...
...It's setting a bad example for the more advanced planets...
...I think that with a little nerve, and a little love for those people, you might get them to behave better...
...He looks a little shell-shocked...
...Find another act at ten minutes to midnight on New Year's Eve...
...Some countries with nuclear bombs and others itching to get them...
...I took over from George Hammurabi who handled the Kids in B.C., and I understand he never failed to see the bill was filled when he was Booking Agent...
...You're just the right kid to go down there and take charge...
...Oh, sure," said the Booking Agent...
...Can't you book somebody in my place...
...If you can get the Americans to stop thinking it's their private world, maybe North Vietnam and the Chinese will simmer down, too...
...After you've cooled off the war, let's see what you can do about the slaughter on the highways...
...A year gets only eighty-eight days on Mercury...
...So 1,000 went off and filled the booking like a good trouper...
...Why not live longer, on earth...
...The band is ready to swing into Auld Lang Syne...
...And then...
...You're sure you couldn't book me into some other spot—Mercury, for instance...
...On your way down you'll pass an old geezer on his way up here to check out...
...So I says, 'What's the matter, 1,000?' and he says, 'I hear people on earth are crowding into the churches, and some are going up into the mountains to pray...
...And in—what's that place...
...He went on in sterner vein: "On account of you're still an unborn year, I guess you can't be considered blasphemous...
...You company men give me a pain," the Kid said...
...You know, I've been in this business since the Year One, and I mean Year One, and every Kid I've booked for the earth spot has gone down on schedule...
...If you can't control your temper you won't be a bit of use down there...
...That place down there is a mess...
...With the year 1,000 they expect the millennium...
...Are they ready for me down there...
...the Kid asked, still unnerved by the fireworks but trying not to show it...
...So long, Sam," he called to the Booking Agent as he disappeared into a cloudbank beyond which lay the waiting jet...
...Three minutes to midnight...
...They expect the world to come to an end after I come...
...Three hundred sixty-five and a quarter days," he said...
...I read the briefing report," said the Kid, "and I want another booking...
...That's 1965...
...That was a slip of the tongue...
...Studded with stars," said the Booking Agent happily...
...You're going all right...
...The United States," said the Booking Agent, "might be a good place to start...
...The Newnited States?—people in machines killing people in other machines...
...You've got spunk," said the Booking Agent...
...I suppose in another thousand years The Boss will give you a gold watch...
...He turned to the Kid again...
...Do all that in 365 days...
...I know you love them all the same, even the tiniest splinters of stars...
...Get yourself another boy...
...By the way, was 1965 nervous when he checked in through here a year ago...
...What makes you say that...
...A mean little war going on, and getting bigger and meaner every day...
...said the Kid...
...If I got to, I got to...
...The Booking Agent looked roofward and said anxiously: "Sorry, Boss...
...Just as sure as your number is one-nyun-six-six...
Vol. 30 • January 1966 • No. 1
