Giving the Word
GOODMAN, WALTER
Giving the Word BY WALTER GOODMAN Just as the nation was coming to believe that the Administration's dealings with Iran—the Bible, the cake, Colonel Oliver L. North—were too wacky to be...
...Maybe they all are...
...they already have more religion than they know what to do with, as the Reverend Elliott Abrams keeps telling Congress...
...Star Wars is the Administration's way of bringing us all closer to the Almighty...
...Washington's unconvincing presentation of its case has not been a failure of communications, but a sign of reverence...
...Even a big man like the Reverend Caspar W. Weinberger can't make that big a move Up There without an O.K...
...Wherever the money wound up, it was tax-exempt...
...Now itali makes sense...
...The President and his worshipful word people know that God has been America's special protector since he brought the Pilgrims to these shores and helped clear the forests and the Indians...
...Right here at home, young women continue to have abortions despite God's well-known views about that...
...Better dead than well-read...
...Ronald Reagan's personal relationship with the Almighty is well known...
...Then there's the vexing question of AIDS, the plague that the Almighty has brought down on the Sodomites...
...As for Colonel North and that cake, maybe it was a fruitcake...
...handed over all those arms...
...So that explains what the Bible was doing in Teheran...
...The big clue is the Bible...
...It's an alliance made in heaven...
...In seeking to appear more dim or indifferent than it is given to man to be, the Great Communicator was attempting to protect hisGreat Collaborator...
...The objective was to sell Him to the whole Middle East, with the possible exception of Israel—at least for a while...
...Yes, God was in on it...
...Selling Him to the Iranians would not only serve The True Faith, it would also improve our balance of trade...
...from The Chief Resident...
...No speech is permitted on the teleprompter in which some Buchanan or other does not have him saying, Hi Up There, and thanks for everything...
...God is a made-in-America product...
...But should the Somocistas among the contras get back into control in Managua, you can bet you won't be head ng much from those liberationist priests who have put God into the service of the Sandinistas...
...Pious Americans will provide a Bible for every peasant house and there will definitely be prayers in the schools, such as are left standing...
...And there's no point trying to convert the Godless forces that somehow managed to take over their country while God was busy making sure that Nancy's wardrobe didn't encourage anybody to thoughts of sin...
...For the true facts, as investigators I ike to say, are al I to the credit of the White House...
...That's why our middleman missionaries were stretching outtheir arms to the heathen...
...Giving the Word BY WALTER GOODMAN Just as the nation was coming to believe that the Administration's dealings with Iran—the Bible, the cake, Colonel Oliver L. North—were too wacky to be true, The New Leader stumbled upon the real explanation of what was afoot when the U.S...
...As for the contras, those high-minded freedom fighters don't need any Bibles, of course...
...When Khomeini calls America the Great Satan, it's a sure sign he doesn't have the true fads...
...Consider the Star Wars initiative...
...Lots of Nicaraguans will be on their knees, even as now, and those found in the wrong kind of church had better start figuring out how to get born again...
...Not to mention birth control and pornography and the Miranda rules, which are giving Him a huge Headache, as the Reverend Edwin Meese keeps pointing out...
...It was the beginning of a conversion crusade, inspired by the television evangelists who have been entrusted with the patent on merchandising God...
...It's not an easy policy to carry out or explain, given the spirit of the age and the depredations of secular humanism...
...The notion of providing the sinners with condoms or even advice to help them continue their filthy habits is repugnant to God and to his Secretary of Education, the Reverend William Bennett...
...This gift by the President of the Un ited States to the celebrated moderates of Teheran had nothing to do with antitank weapons or with hostages...
Vol. 70 • January 1987 • No. 1
