Reductio Ad Absurdum

...Did Winchester become the team physician for the Boston Red Sox'' M*A *S*H stars who couldn't get their own fat movie or TV deals...

...The suddenly all-powerful phrase is most commonly employed to sell a project to a producer A high concept show is one you can describe in 10 words or less To use a hypothetical illustration from the movie business, imagine that you, the concept peddler, go into a studio mogul's, or mogulette's, office and say "JawsIV "Or maybe,if you're in the mood for running off at the mouth, you say "I want to make Jaws IV " They reply, "Great...

...Dukes of Hazzard is a high concept show So is The A Team A low concept production is something like The W al-tons, Paper Chase, Hill Street Blues, St Elsewhere, of Fame The maximum of violence or sex, the most outrageous stretching of an old idea, the most blatantly ripped-off premise-these are all typical attributes of a high concept masterpiece As long as it has high audience potential, it's high concept Among the fall offerings from ABC's prestigious made-for-TV movie department, for instance, Through Naked Eves and Male Models are high concept, a remake of A Streetcar Named Desire and The Dollmaker, starring Jane Fonda, are low concept...

...May I suggest-and here's a high concept formula of my own that I've been working on-this is stupid It's not good for business It's the reason TV programs are so predictable HC is the worst possible medicine for television at a time when it is extremely, perhaps terminally sick Most people I know don't even care whether the strike will end this year in time for the new season There is a strike on now, isn't there'' Aren't the gaffers, or the wardrobe mistresses, or the best boys out on the picket line'' I forget...

...My own theory is that their speedy style stems from having grown up with those late-night TV commercial offers for the greatest-hits records-you know the all-time favorites, featuring famous singers like Slim Whitman and Ricky Nelson I keep waiting for the night when the excited announcer makes a mistake and starts to read the script from Robert Klein's parody "Now, for the first time, all the music ever recorded in the world since Mozart, together on one album ". Come to think of it, high concept is probably not such a new notion in TV Four years ago some genius with the success of Jack Lord's Hawaii Five-O in mind probably approached the big brains at CBS and told them "Tom Selleck Police Hawaii Oahu, not Mall ' And the next thing we knew we were watching Magnum, PI...

...On Television REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM BY MARVIN KITMAN THE LATEST thing this fall on the planet Los Angeles, where all the new shows come from, is "high concept programing " My spies tell me high concept is now the hottest, most pervasive intellectual movement in the think tanks of the People's Republic of LA, superseding hot tubs, sensory deprivation tanks, everything Even pesto has definitely become vieux chapeau by comparison...

...The Rousters (NBC, Saturday, 9-10 p m ) Bronco Billy without Clint Eastwood 'Manimal(NBC, Friday,9-10p m ) "The Metamorphosis,' not by Kafka A man turns into animals (That's what LA calls incredible...

...Indeed, TV as an art form may itself have been a high concept Vladimir Zworykin of RCA, the founding father of the tube, may have collared General Sarnoff in 1923 with the words "Have I got a medium for you Like movies, except not as good Radio, but with pictures ". what is unprecedented is the HC's current omnipresence Every new net work series this autumn can be boiled down to a precis of 10 words or less For instance...

...Make it " Or if they are in a hurry, perhaps simply, "You got it...

...They only care about what's absolutely current I don't think they even believe in the principle of cause and effect They never ask themselves how they got where they are, or any other question They invented the job, they think It all begins with them ". This is life in a much faster lane than the TV world used to drive in The young lions have in many cases replaced old hands who were incapable of making any sort of commitment-maybe, if you want to believe the theory advanced by another indy prod friend of mine, because they were too dumb These were the people who inspired Fred Allen, of blessed memory, to remark "I just heard about a network executive who starved to death trying to decide where to eat lunch ". Some say the use of cocame has created this new frenetic state of mind Yet the truth is the only substance that goes up most TV executives' noses is smog That, plus all the salad and quiche, may be enough to get them high...

...According to my spies, the most important show of the 1984-85 season -so important that nobody knows yet which network is making itis going to be a combination of E T and The Fugitive...

...These days you can sell a show to any production house, studio or network without a script if its well conceptualized Take The A Team "It's just like Dukes of Hazzard," the creators must have told the programing execs, "violence, car crashes But it's not in the South ". "You got it...

...Just Our Luck (ABC, Tuesday, 8-8 30 p m ) I Dream of Jeannie crossed with Mean Joe Green's Coca-Cola commercial I can't go on The new season is all high concept It can be described in two words the worst And you still have eight words left over Things are getting really silly out there Considering the decline in TV audiences over the past year, HC is the last thing Hollywood needs If it had dominated the creative process through the ages there would never have been a War and Peace, Nicholas Nickleby, Pride and Prejudice, or Brothers Karamazov Shakespeare might have been able to write Hamlet, but definitely not As You Like It It takes at least 25 words to summarize most of the greatest stones ever told...

...It's not that they don't want to hear new things, he explained, but they've got to hear them fast "First of all, they will only be in the job for two weeks They have to take in as much as possible in a very short amount of time After the first line, or sometimes word, they'll automatically say, 'So what1' or 'Next ' "They don't want to miss any idea," my inside source continued, "and life is short So they have to hear each one in 30 seconds or less That way they can be exposed to a thousand ideas a day...

...Old fashioned low concept programs require a more detailed pitch The chances of selling one today are as slim as a gnat's waist, so I won't go to the trouble of detailing the longer negotiations involved I will merely outline the basic differences between the high and the low High concept is below the belt, low concept is above it High concept equals low quality, low concept is high quality...

...The new process reflects a major change among the younger generation of industry heads An independent producer ("indy prod," in high conceptese), whose name is being withheld to protect his livelihood summed up the situation "In the old days they asked you to submit a three-page treatment Then it was a page Then a paragraph Now if you can't tell them what your show is about in a syllable, forget it They figure if a brainstorm can't be communicated with one syllable, how good can it be...

...We Got It Made (NBC, Thursday, 9-9 30 p m ) Producer Freddie Silverman's widely heralded first sitcom kicked off the season with a September 8 premiere Two guys in a bachelor pad have a maid, and she's got a friend In concept talk it's Four's Company Emerald Point N A S (CBS, Monday, 10-11 p m ) This show was initially known as Navy, proving that the most original element of the 1983-84 lineup is the tides and the way they keep changing them Under either name, it's The Winds of War, only worse Cutter to Houston (CBS, Saturday, 8-9 p m ) The only show this year to star Shelly Hack I think she plays a tree Dallas gets hospitalized 'Lottery (ABC, Friday, 9-10 p m ) Millionaire with three people 'Jennifer Slept Here (NBC, Friday, 8 30-9 p m ) Topper with Ann Jillian 'Hotel (ABC, Wednesday, 10-11 p m ) The Love Boat on land Bette Davis is the new Jane Wyman Webster (ABC, Friday, 8 30-9 p m ) Diffrent Strokes without Gary Coleman Another black orphan kid makes good Scarecrow & Mrs King(CBS, Monday, 8-9 p m ) Charlie's Angel Kate Jackson is a secret agent this time, and her family doesn't know She tells them she's going to the supermarket and comes back three weeks later Update of Foreign Intrigue 'After Mash (CBS, Monday, 9-9 30 p m ) Did Klinger go back to Toledo and open a dress shop...

...Nothing in TV, as you know, is what it seems "We'll be back in a moment" means "we'll be away for three or four minutes " A "pause" for a message is actually a full stop, with time to switch of f the ignition and give the car a grease job before the action gets rolling again You could launch a missile against the Soviet Union or Libya in some of the networks' pauses Trash is good, quality is bad, and so forth...

...For the people who buy TV programs, nothing existed before 1948...

...By now, they've come across all the great thoughts of modern times They don't want to dwell on them, though, because that would be looking at history And Hollywood's definition of history is last week's grosses...