Correspondents' Correspondence For Good Cause!
HERRICK, WILLIAM
Correspondents' Correspondence BRIEF TAKEOUTS OF MORE THAN PERSONAL INTEREST FROM LETTERS AND OTHER COMMUNICATIONS RECEIVED BY THE EDITORS. For Good Cause! New York-Gdania is a small country...
...and recently marched into Stan...
...The War ended with the country to the east the victor...
...My parents emigrated from there, or nearby...
...One misstep and it's the Vast Void!-William Herrick...
...it's hard to tell, for parts of Gdania's territory have been ripped off by other countries over the centuries...
...Gdania was promised its nationhood under the principle of determination of self, but with a catch...
...It starts at the top and trickles down to the bottom...
...dominates Ungaryh, Ulgariab, Echcz, Et Alii...
...You see, the country to the east, known as Republic for Good Cause (RFGC), was the invention of an exceedingly intelligent and devious man...
...but because "We are weak and surrounded...
...those who vote No (the bad Varishtos) are given the privilege of not eating and going to heaven with a bullet in their brain, or of being sent to work for nothing in the vastness of the Vast Void (where they eventually work themselves to death...
...Thereafter, Varishtoan democracy works as follows: When Terrible issues a decree, everyone below him is offered a choice-no small thing- between Yes or No...
...He was also hard as nails...
...But since they don't want to be invaded by Terrible IV and his invincible armies-out of the RFGC's weakness, remember-the Gdanikis have asserted their freedom, independence and determination of self only up to a point...
...In a word or two, Terrible IV (the successor to I, II and III) is a very hot worrier...
...When RFGC simply does not have the patience to wait for its foreign Varishtos to seize power in determination of self for themselves, then it must invade and annex-not only FOR GOOD CAUSE...
...First, the members of Cen-tralum democratically elect-after having their arms twisted FOR GOOD CAUSE!-the most terrible man to lead them...
...After the passage of many years, though, whenever a citizen of the Republic says Varishto, he or she means Szt, which is a shame because Varishto once was one of the most beautiful words in the language, any language...
...At the moment Terrible IV is scaring hell out of Gdania, too...
...No sooner does the Party come to power, however, than Varishto suddenly comes to mean Szt...
...A World War followed from this, and then Gdania's neighbor to the West decided to make war on its erstwhile partner, Gdania's neighbor to the East...
...In this century, Gdania had its freedom for several decades when suddenly its two great neighbors decided to split it up between them...
...The point being they will rule themselves, and still call the Varishtos Varishtos, meaning you know what...
...The people of Gdania, who have in fact been governed by their own For Good Cause Party for some 35 years, also call everyone Varishto, meaning Szt...
...Following this principle, RFGC has already incorporated by force such countries as Stone, Uania, Tvia, Et Cetera...
...The catch is called FOR GOOD CAUSE...
...Those who vote Yes (the good Varishtos) are given the privilege of working extremely hard in return for food stamps and a quarter of a room per person...
...Any non-worrying worrier can tell you that it is much wiser to be a hot worrier than a cold worrier...
...In the magnificent RFGC all the people use the title Varishto instead of Mister, Missus, Miss and Ms...
...This phenomenon is called Flux...
...And the courageous Gdanikis have now united as one and proclaimed their independence from their For Good Cause government...
...It was he who created the political party called For Good Cause, organized along the lines of another of his great inventions, Varishto...
...New York-Gdania is a small country where the Skis, Szes, Czes, Wigas and Szmiers come from...
...They kept rolling back and forth with their mighty war machines so that poor Gdania became a huge mudhole, crisscrossed by tank treads and bounded by mass graves- a goodly number of them filled with Jews...
...It is therefore obvious to all the hot worriers, cold worriers, non-worrying worriers and just plain honest to goodness worriers in the world that the brave Gdanian people now walk a very high wire...
...Strangely enough, before a For Good Cause Party seizes power in any country, its members mean Varishto when they say Varishto...
...Terrible I, being exceedingly intelligent and devious, not to mention as hard as nails, was able to attract people all over the world to his Ism, and many For Good Cause parties were organized...
...Democracy is central to Varishto...
Vol. 64 • November 1981 • No. 21
