Death Silence
SCHACTER, HINDY LAUER
Perspectives DEATH SILENCE by hindy lauer schacter In his article entitled "Death Chatter" (NL, November 14, 1977), Thomas Halper argues against our society's perverse enthusiasm for the...
...My grandfather had recently been operated on for (I had been told) "stones," so as soon as my mother and I were alone, I asked her if he was feeling all right...
...There were a lot of good people in Bkosk...
...I was afraid I'd drift into forbidden waters, and explain how much he meant to me...
...You'll be better in no time...
...The operation (really exploratory surgery) had revealed an inoperable tumor devouring his intestines...
...If death chatter trivializes life's supreme mystery, death silence—I was to realize not long ago—destroys life's most precious bounties: friendship, love, comfort...
...When I visited my mother, I too went on about the weather or the garden, and made certain never, or almost never, to sit with my grandfather alone...
...Many of us find it very difficult to talk to our family and friends about death, and find it almost impossible to bring up the subject in the presence of someone who we know is about to die...
...He's not all right...
...Sick today, well tomorrow...
...His waterlogged feet seemed like flippers...
...Trivialized verbiage about death, Halper demonstrates, has become a staple in books, TV talk shows, Sunday newspaper supplements, and other forums...
...He looked fine, with none of the weak, woebegone airs I had noticed in Maimonides Hospital...
...Silence had blocked him from me and now, I had to realize with a sudden, cold finality, our close times together, our discussions, our laughter, were irrevocably gone...
...I enjoyed talking to him...
...His clothes sagged...
...But death up close does more than make us uneasy...
...I had always been close with my grandfather...
...He did not ever mention his illness or ask questions, and neither did we...
...In the face of death in the abstract, we betray our uneasiness by inappropriate leers and giggles, or by forced, nonstop cliches...
...But when the family spoke, we all mouthed, "Everything is all right...
...Upon returning to New York from a summer trip in Nova Scotia with my husband, I visited my maternal grandfather, who was staying at my mother's house in Far Rockaway...
...My grandfather refused to complain...
...His throat was always dry and he had a racking cough...
...He doesn't know that there is anything wrong...
...I think the imposition of a death silence is all too typical of the modern American's reply to death at close hand, to the presence of an incurably sick friend or relative...
...At the time, it seemed an easy thing to promise...
...Don't say a word," my mother cautioned...
...My mother gave me a hard, direct glare, so that for a moment I thought I had done something wrong, spilt milk or broken china...
...What city...
...That tomorrow did not come, and in the autumn my grandfather, Morris Trenk, died...
...Bkosk...
...What is most bizzare about this public barrage of "deathspeak," however, is its presence in a society that simultaneously encourages personal "death silence...
...Bedsores covered his body...
...He said, "So Teitz comes from Poland...
...Often during that summer, I told myself, "Tomorrow I will speak to him...
...Tomorrow I will find something to say...
...And we began to dissect my characters...
...We were all very busy protecting each other...
...it terrifies us...
...Perspectives DEATH SILENCE by hindy lauer schacter In his article entitled "Death Chatter" (NL, November 14, 1977), Thomas Halper argues against our society's perverse enthusiasm for the superficial and repetitive examination of death and dying...
...Papa has cancer...
...Our silence springs from the same source as the excessive public death chatter—a great fear of mortality...
...Don't say a word...
...On this occasion, we spoke about some recently published short stories of mine that had been partly inspired by my grandfather's anecdotes...
...Hindy Laukr Schacter, a past contributor, is a lecturer in public administration at Medgar tvers College...
...During the months that followed, he became weak and thin...
...And the silence cuts the sick off from their families and life a few months earlier than nature had intended...
...No," she finally said...
...It must have been obvious to him that something was dreadfully wrong...
...But in actuality, that promise destroyed any hope of further conversation (not chatter, but sustained, direct, interesting conversation) between my grandfather and me...
Vol. 61 • January 1978 • No. 1
