The Funny Side of Russia

...You dog, you!' he screams...

...Accordingly, ! would like to offer a few grimly serious words about humor in the USSR, leaving it to the apposite anecdotes and jokes to provide the necessary comic relief...

...Sex, of all things, is not a Soviet invention...

...Lenin, after all, is not only politically sacrosanct in the USSR...

...When the husband came in for the results, the doctor said to him: " 'Listen, Ivanov, it's strange, but signs of pregnancy showed up in your urine!' " 'That's nothing,' sighed Ivanov...

...What, if anything, 1 asked myself, makes them typically Soviet in the editor's eyes...

...If you have neither heard his name nor are aware of his idolization by Soviet propaganda—in films, stories, poems, and paintings—you may well react to the following joke with little more than a charitable grin: "A tour guide in Moscow's Museum of the October Revolution is giving an explanation: 'In front of you, comrades, is the skeleton of the immortal hero of the Civil War, Vasilyi Ivanovich Chapaev...

...Finally, Brezhnev opens his platinum cigarette case, bestrewn with diamonds and other precious stones...

...This is how you behave, when all good wives are on the corner buying oranges that are always in such short supply!' " But if you are not up on the unique role played by Georgians in the retail distribution of certain perishable goods, the point of the following yarn may well be lost on you: "A plane flying to Moscow was seized by Arab terrorists and ordered to change course and make a landing in Cairo...

...Oh,' comes the reply, 'Lenin is in Poland.'" One finds himself asking, after reading Forbidden Laughter, why Western Sovietologists are so loath to take a leaf from Soviet citizens...

...See my "For Brezhnev's a Jolly Good Fellow," NL, May 22...

...His article here is adapted from a talk delivered at the Kennan Institute for Advanced Russian Studies...

...I was bringing 800 kilograms of tangerines with me to Moscow...

...My answer may not be altogether persuasive, for it rests on evidence that—again—can be recognized only by those who have had personal contact with Soviet reality...

...Charles de Gaulle takes a silver cigarette case from his vest pocket...

...Perspectives THE FUNNY SIDE OF RUSS BY ABRAHAM BRUMBERG In one of Oscar Wilde's plays—I think it is The Importance of Being Ernest—a young man declares that only frivolous subjects deserve serious treatment, while serious matters should be treated in a frivolous manner...

...Ay, ay, ay...

...On it are engraved the semiobliterated words: 'To his Highness, the Emperor of all Russia, Aleksander II, from the Russian aristocracy.' " That brings us to a subspecies of the esoteric—to wit, blatantly tendentious anti-Soviet jokes...

...I wonder what Oscar Wilde would say if he were with us today...

...He elbowed his way up to the enclosure, pulled the donkey's face next to his own, kissed it and began to cry: 'You poor bunny rabbit, what have the Communists done to you?' " Similarly, you need not be a full-fledged Sovietologist to appreciate this one: " 'Comrade Rabinowitz, why weren't you present at the last meeting of the Communist Party?' "No one told me that it would be the last one...

...Very few people are joining the Communist Party, and the young people, who should be at the forefront of the movement, are especially apathetic...

...That's Krupskaya,' the Polish official explains...

...Look how she is trying to resist!' " Having mentioned cuckolded husbands, I should note still another aspect of Forbidden Laughter—the preponderance of sexual humor...

...For a different example of the esoteric my prize goes to this anecdote in the collection: "There is a break at an international Summit conference...

...Where are the police when you need them?' From a doorway a neighbor explained: 'This is his mother-in-law.' 'The old battle-axe!' cried the crowd...

...Like cuckolded husbands, they find themselves the hapless objects of derision everywhere...

...In the analyses of the specimens the bottles somehow got mixed up...

...The people were waving their hands, threatening: 'You scoundrel...

...A good number of them are distinctly apolitical...

...Must we dredge up statistics to disprove Soviet statistics...

...When Soviet "historians" produce a sycophantic piece of rubbish about Leonid Brezhnev, why do American experts on Russia feel compelled gravely to point out its "errors...

...Brezhnev flies into a towering rage...

...The Madame approaches the podium and begins: " 'Comrades...

...And now we will ask him what inspired him to take such action...

...Well, sonny, don't ask!' sighs the old woman...

...At the same time, little if any familiarity with the Soviet scene is required to enjoy the following story: "A drunk was taking a walk in the zoo...

...When the plane landed in Moscow, the Georgian was greeted triumphantly...

...And the woman?' says Brezhnev...

...We have struggled hard to surpass such leading enterprises as the port of Odessa, the giant phosphate factory and the whole flour mill complex...

...Leave the lady alone...

...To enjoy them fully it is not enough to know Soviet reality —you must abhor it...

...There are about a dozen entries of this kind in the book, and I must say I found their presence fascinating...

...Yet just as an Elizabethan ballad acquires a distinctly different character when transplanted to Appalachia, so do stories about mothers-in-law vary significantly from one country to another...

...And this small skeleton next to it is the legendary Vasilyi Ivanovich Chapaev as an eight-year-old child!'" One need not, of course, know much about the state of consumer goods in the USSR to appreciate the story of a husband who comes home and finds his wife in the arms of another man...

...The following story, though, may strike many as a bit "heavy" —that is, not singularly amusing: "During one of his speeches, Stalin remarked: 'I am prepared to give my blood for the cause of the working class—drop by drop!' A note was then passed up to the podium, which read: 'Dear Comrade Stalin, why drag things out...

...That will hardly seem remarkable, I realize...

...It's a pity that she didn't get that abortion in time!' " Cruel, you might say, but rather good...

...If they have learned to use humor as a weapon against the cant, the bombast, the mendacity, the wretchedness of Soviet life, why are we so reluctant to recognize that satire and comedy may be the most effective way of capturing and understanding its essence...

...During the time of Stalin it was like living in a streetcar: everyone was constantly shaking...

...The raw material, as it were, is universal, much as love and courtship are themes common to folk songs from diverse countries and cultures...

...to suspect him of human frailties is to commit lese-majeste...

...For instance: "A man is standing in the Stalin Museum in front of a portrait of Joseph Stalin's mother...

...Our enterprise is one of the most prosperous ones in the city, according to the financial statistics...

...I mention this because the bulk of the material in Forbidden Laughter is of an unmistakably political nature, and I was struck by the fact that even the fairly sophisticated may find the humor somewhat bizarre and incomprehensible...

...Yet Piotr Ivanovich, a peasant from Vilanovka, after standing on line for six hours to cast a fleeting glance at Vladimir Ilyitch's mortal remains, could find himself being regaled by his Moscow cousin with the following story (unfortunately not included by Draitser): "As its contribution to the 100th Anniversary of Lenin's birth, the Polish government ordered its most prestigious director to produce a film called Lenin in Poland...

...When the film opens at a special showing for the Soviet Pol-it bureau, the startled audience sees no other than the accursed Judas Trotsky lying naked in bed and making love to—of all people—Lenin's wife, Na-dezhda Krupskaya...

...In others sex becomes the ultimate weapon of Russian political satire...

...He shakes his head in grief and sorrow and heaves forth a sigh...

...On it is engraved: 'To Charles, from a grateful France.' "Richard Nixon then reaches for his golden cigarette case, upon which the words 'To Dick, from your loving wife Pat' are engraved...

...This is as true for the humorous tale as it is for proverbs and adages...

...If I had known that, I would have come with my whole fam-ily...'" And surely any red-blooded American will not fail to get the message of the next story: "A general meeting of the coworkers of a house of ill repute in Odessa is taking place...

...Must palpably fictitious claims invariably be dignified with tedious scholarly rebuttals...

...Nonetheless, a profoundly authoritarian society like the Soviet Union produces a folklore that reflects its own values, its own interpersonal relations and attitudes toward indigenous institutions and accepted verities...

...You have to be privy to some fairly esoteric information to be amused, say, by the anecdotes about that splendid hero of the Civil War, Chapaev...

...Why, that's Trotsky,' says a Polish Party official...

...Does a piece of absurd propaganda deserve earnest consideration...

...One of the passengers, a Georgian, waiting for the right moment, jumped the hijackers, disarmed them and returned the plane to its former course...

...I asked myself, what am I supposed to do with them in Cairo?'" Since the strange ways of bureaucracies are hardly restricted to the Soviet Union, the following anecdote will probably appeal to a large audience: "A man and his wife brought urine specimens to the clinic...

...One more category of humor exemplified in Draitser's collection might be labeled apolitical—jokes and anecdotes that appear, at least at first blush, to bear no relation to Soviet life whatsoever...

...Pity our poor mothers-in-law...

...Intrigues, I am surrounded by intrigues!' " I confess I am moved by the plight of this old lady...

...And now it is like living on a ship: long-range perspectives and distant horizons are visible, and while everyone is getting sick, no one can get off...

...My purpose is merely to share some of the thoughts and questions that came to mind as I savored the 71 items in Draitser's delightful collection...

...My mother barely allowed me to join your institution!' " Trouble begins to arise, however, when we get to items where specific knowledge of Soviet institutions, personalities and customs is required...

...To begin with, I think it will be agreed that next to poetry, humor is probably the most difficult genre to translate from one language—which is to say from one culture—into another...

...Tell the viewers, comrade, was it Soviet patriotism, or love for the Communist Party and for our dear Soviet government that motivated you to take this fearless, courageous step?' " 'A thought inspired me.' " 'What thought?* " 'Very simple, dear...

...What sagacity, what subtlety, what truth are concealed in her answer...

...Now you, Manya, tell us, why haven't you joined the Communist Party?' "Manya stands up and replies: 'Are you kidding...

...Weren't you working in the bathroom on Red Square three months ago...

...Comrade Goberidze performed a heroic feat!' " announced the correspondent for Soviet television...

...Such a lovely lady...

...Who is that man?' he exclaims...

...And where is Lenin?' Brezhnev demands, quite besides himself...

...Perhaps it is because official sexual mores are so shoddily hypocritical that sexual jokes are as popular as they are in the Soviet Union...

...I agree, but it may well be an anti-Soviet invention...

...But the following variant, it seems to me, is characteristically Soviet—the product of a society where today's Truth may be tomorrow's Lie and where "popular indignation" is manufactured by fiat: "A crowd of passers-by noticed that on the sixth story a young man was trying to throw an elderly woman off the balcony...

...If this particular category performs an important psychological function for both the teller and the listener, it may nevertheless be very funny...

...Suddenly he saw a donkey...

...The pilots radioed in what had happened...

...No systematic or scholarly treatment is intended...

...Abraham Brumberg, in addition to his many writings, is the author and performer of the (still to be released) ballad, "Hegel, Bagel, Lenin and Lox...

...At work my boss fucks me just about every day, at Party meetings I get fucked...

...Political humor is especially difficult to render in terms easily grasped by one who is not familiar with its original context...

...Give it all at once!' " Asa final illustration of anti-Soviet humor designed to produce an acrid smile rather than a hearty guffaw, I offer the following: "During the time of Lenin, it was like living in a cave: cold and dark, but somewhere ahead there shone a light...

...How come you find yourself in this place...

...My observations are based on a slim volume that has just appeared, Forbidden Laughter—Russian Underground Humor, compiled by Emil Draitser, illustrated by Igor and translated by Jon Pariser (Almanac Publishing House, $4.50...

...What tickles the British reader of Punch is likely to leave an American utterly cold, and the cartoons we relish in the New Yorker are apt to produce more raised eyebrows than belly-laughs in Peking, The Hague, or Bogota...

...However, comrades, our ideological work is going quite slowly...

...How can I not get pregnant?' " On the other hand, a fine sense of the quality of Soviet life, it seems to me, is necessary if one is 10 delight in the story of a man who enters a public toilet in Moscow and sees a cleaning woman whose face looks familiar to him: " 'Hold it, hold it, 1 remember you...