Fair Game
GOODMAN, WALTER
Fair Game BY WALTER GOODMAN The Peking Papers In line with The New Leader's tradition of going behind the scenes, digging below the surface, and all that, we are happy to present the unedited...
...Chairman: China has suffered greatly by blindly absorbing foreign materials...
...Today, we cannot love the Fascists nor can we love our enemies...
...President : You said it...
...It doesn't matter if a man calls himself a capitalist or a lousy Communist, at a sporting event, we recognize our brotherhood and mutual humanity, especially if, hah hah, we are losing...
...Chairman, I do want to give you a message from Pat, whom, as you probably know, is something of a gardener...
...President: Mr...
...Chairman: Classes serve to divide society: When classes have been eliminated, society will be united again...
...Your intelligence service has undoubtedly included in its briefing the fact that I played football at Whittier College...
...We want to make them blind and deaf...
...Grabby little bastards...
...I passed many a brisk afternoon at the Big A with a sporting client during my law practice days in New York...
...Chairman...
...The Chairman, in his usual cap, was deep in his own works...
...Chairman, you need only ask any middle-aged liberal about what I did to Helen Gahagan Douglas...
...President: Thank you, Mr...
...Chairman: There is only one truth...
...Chairman, if you were in politics in America, you'd be in line for the Secretaryship of Health, Education and Welfare...
...My Administration, as you may have read, is instituting a workfare program...
...President: My very thoughts, Mr...
...We must aim to eliminate them...
...Here the Chairman appeared to have fallen asleep...
...we want to take out the hearts of their officers...
...Chairman: The waters here are better for fishing than the Fuching river...
...That's what we say, Mr...
...Chairman, if I've said it once...
...Why so much snow?/ Could I but lean on heaven and draw my precious sword,/ And cut you in three pieces,/ I would send one to Europe,/ The second I would give to America,/ The third I would keep for China...
...President: Before I go, Mr...
...It just goes to show, Mr...
...Chairman...
...The President, wearing a simple pants suit styled for him by Lib-erace's tailor, bowed thrice to the Chairman, and seated himself upon a mat...
...Chairman, and I'll say it again??it's things like sports that bring people together in spite of ideological differences...
...At that time the love of mankind will flourish, but it cannot flourish now...
...Chairman: We want to take the enemy's eyes and ears and seal them as completely as possible...
...it is a good place to swim...
...To dig up the two huge mountains is utterly beyond your capacity !" The Foolish Old Man replied, "When I die there are my sons...
...With great determination he led his sons to dig up the mountains with pickaxes...
...The visitors padded out silently...
...Chairman: Harmful insects must be stamped out...
...The Chairman was definitely asleep...
...President: Now that, I must say in all candor, Mr...
...Why can't we clear them away...
...The Chinese Communist party long ago made up its mind to dig them out...
...Pat says, "Let a hundred flowers blossom," Mr...
...we want to throw them into utter confusion, driving them mad...
...Chairman: Rising straight into the air above the earth,/ Lofty Kun-lung, mistress of the world's joys./ The three million jade dragons are soaring...
...After a time, he seemed to acknowledge the President's presence...
...President: Don't I know...
...What we say in America is love thy enemy...
...President: Mr...
...President: Now, there, I fear, I'm going to have to part company with you...
...Chairman...
...I've said it 20 times, trade is the life-blood of nations...
...Chairman, those two mountains represent Misunderstanding and Mistrust, and what you're saying is that despite the wiseacres among us, sound men like you and me and our sons-in-law have to work to dig them up...
...The United States will supply you with the technology you need to blow those mountains sky high...
...But don't get the idea that we're soft...
...Speaking confidentially, for us and the West Germans the arrangement is okay, but you know how the Japs are, Mr...
...President: Oh...
...As an old Republican proverb has it, he who loses in 1960 may yet win in 1968...
...But let's not forget the good days, the winning days...
...If our representatives sit down and talk it over, businessman to businessman, I'm sure they'll come to a mutually advantageous understanding...
...Fair Game BY WALTER GOODMAN The Peking Papers In line with The New Leader's tradition of going behind the scenes, digging below the surface, and all that, we are happy to present the unedited text of the recent unpublished conversation in Peking between the President of the United States and the Chairman of the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist party, as conveyed to us by a Social Democrat who happened to be there...
...Will you have one of your assistants tell one of my assistants just which piece of which mountain you get and which we get...
...President: I wish I could say as much about the Potomac, hah hah...
...President: Come, come, Mr...
...I suggest we keep this part of our conversation strictly Top Secret—not that that means anything nowadays, God knows...
...Be assured that as Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces, I shall neglect no opportunity to bomb Southeast Asia...
...Chairman: There is a story told about an old man living in north China in ancient times, called the Foolish Old Man of the North Mountain...
...Chairman, is a little stronger than I would put it...
...President: Ah, inscrutable...
...Kissinger has already signed up with McGraw-Hill for his memoirs...
...President: Well, I haven't had the pleasure of fishing in the Fuching, but if it's fishing you're after, I hope you will accept my invitation to do some fly casting in our Western streams...
...We say it a lot...
...I'm speaking of the U.S.A., of course, but I imagine it must work pretty much the same in your system...
...Chairman: Quite a number of people are irresponsible in their work, picking up the light and shirking the heavy, shoving the heavy loads onto others and choosing the light ones for themselves...
...Chairman, that your great country and my great country have a lot to learn from each other...
...I agree, sir, and I am willing to go the extra step...
...Chairman: Cold is the west wind!/ The wild geese cry in the frosty morning moonlight./ O the frosty morning moonlight!/ The ringing of the horses' hooves./ And the sobbing of trumpets...
...Swaying Mast and Silent Snake Chairman: The masts are swaying./ The tortoise and the snake are silent...
...Chairman: The truth is determined not by subjective boasting, but objective practices...
...We Quakers believe that truth is inside each man, in here, under the silken blouse, in the conscience...
...Only the revolutionary practice of millions of peope can be taken as the gauge for measuring truth...
...You may have difficulty believing it, but even I, in my own career, have been called a liar occasionally, yet I have always known, in my Quaker insides, that I have been telling the truth as I saw it...
...Chairman: Above the Bare Skull mountains,/ Below Eight Precious Hills,/ Heaven is three foot three inches away...
...I paid attention to his words, and I did my bit with my knee and elbow, hah hah...
...Chairman: The Yangtse is wide and deep...
...Chairman, for those warm words...
...I bring you peaceful greetings from the Free World, and this pair of fiberglass chopsticks, fashioned in California...
...I've always said it, Mr...
...Worki&K, that is...
...President: Now, Mr...
...We cannot love all that is evil and ugly in the world...
...President: Ah, if I read you right, Mr...
...We have tractors, and I know for a fact from Julie and Tricia, who rate chow mein right under pizza, that you people have those great fortune cookies, not to mention your swell fans and those nifty peaked caps...
...President: Now, that's more like it...
...Chairman...
...When anything comes up, they think of themselves first and of others only afterward...
...Another old man, called the Old Wiseacre, witnessed their efforts and laughed, saying, "What fools you are to attempt this...
...when they die, there will be their sons, and so on to infinity...
...In our great country, as in your great country, we believe that every man must bear a portion of the national burden, whether by toiling in the mines or on the golf course, by collecting garbage or clipping coupons...
...What do we do now, Henry...
...Chairman, permit me to say that I did not come all this distance by U.S.-built jet to listen to that sort of talk...
...Chairman...
...As to these two mountains, high as they are, they cannot become higher, but, on the contrary, with every bit we dig, they will become much lower...
...On the other hand, I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that my old coach back in Whittier used pretty similar language in the locker room...
...No shirking...
...His house faced south, and its doorway was obstructed by two big mountains, Taihang and Wangwu...
...Chairman: The two big mountains are Feudalism and Imperialism...
...Men on foot must bow their heads,/ And horsemen must alight from their saddles...
...And that has been a real consolation...
...Chairman: I say to the high mountains:/ "Why so high...
Vol. 55 • March 1972 • No. 5
