Equal Justices

...You sure haven't spent much time on the bench, quarterback Lawson thought he was being invited to get more experience on the Bench Nixon did the sporting thing and sent Lawson's name to the Senate When the Senators finally realized the wisdom of the choice, they whooped the confirmation through One Justice represents college dropouts He does not attend the sessions spending his time instead speaking to student audiences Thus far he has been arrested 349 times and lost every case on appeal to his colleagues—who stand firmly behind the Court's new motto "A stretch of time saves nine " President Nixon delayed only slightly before granting the wish of illiterates to have someone represent them The new Justice has briefs lead to him by his chauffeur (law clerks have been abolished as an elitist meritocracy), and mumbles his opinions into a Dictaphone Comic books that he brings into the Chamber are collected afterward by the National Archives The Court's only holdover from the pre-Nixon era is Justice William O Douglas, who delivered the memorable majority opinion in U S v Chinch of the Lowest Common Denominate) (1977), and who has just written a book called "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sects "* In Washington the most notable holdover is President Nixon himself He nears the end ol his third term, following the annulment of Article XXII of the Constitution barring Presidents from holding office more than twice When the issue finally reached the Court this year, a decision written by Chief Justice Carswell, and hailed by Senator Hruska for its supreme mediocrity, declared the Constitution unconstitutional *And never cared to ask Israel Shenker is a reporter on the staff of the New York Times...

...Frankfuiters and Caidozos-Senator Roman L Hruska op Nebraska It is 1980 The Supreme Court opens each Monday session with a pledge of allegiance to the Stars and Stripes, and equal time for the Confederacy banner Then comes a 10-minute prayer session, with 10 additional minutes for agnostics The marshal of the Court follows with a cacophony of seditious dnvel as the clerk (to save time) simultaneously plays chords on his harmonium while chanting the Baltimore address (1146 Concordia Drive) of Vice President Spiro T Agnew Finally, Chief Justice G Harrold Carswell raps for order The Court has democratically broadened its ranks to include representatives from all groups of society, and the sound of the gavel moves the 15-month-old Justice-who represents American infancy-to shake his rattle His dissents are making legal history, and a recent issue of the Harvard Law Review examines them in an article entitled, "Focal Leverage Points in Problems Relating to Real Tantrums One Justice, who represents the Silent Majority, refuses to utter a word whatever the provocation He is believed to have strong views, but has never been heard to participate in decisions There is no longer any separation between church and state, and the Bench boasts an ecumenical Justice In discussions with Court colleagues, he pronounces God's view-which the other Justices are then free to follow After 10 years of effort, the Women's Liberation Movement has gotten one of its own stalwarts on the Court Thanks to her struggle there, husbands have been declared illegal (domestic tranquility clause) and bras unconstitutional (bust-trusting) The Justice who has adapted most quickly to the new rules is the former quarterback of the Philadelphia Legals, Ken Lawson His appointment resulted from a bad telephone connection The President had phoned after the Supreme Bowl to congratulate him, and when the President said...

...Washington-USA EQUAL JUSTICES BY ISRAEL SHENKER Even if he Mere mediocie, there are a lot of mediocie judges and people and lawyeis, and they are entitled to a little representation aren't they7 We cant have all Btandeises...