On Television
KITMAN, MARVIN
ON TELEVISION By Marvin Kitman Bedtime Story When the editor of this magazine suggested I become the television critic, I declined the honor. It wasn't only that the critics of the other more...
...As a compromise, I turned the sound down...
...Georges Guilaine, in his book titled La Langue Anglaise en 30 Lecons??published at about the time Montand was learning English to make his debut in Hollywood??tells his students "How is your mother...
...In 37 minutes Bravo, Picasso had done more for the cause of Communism and free love than all the years of water fluoridation...
...If you've seen one Picasso you've seen them all...
...Why did nbc hire an actor who couldn't speak English to introduce the work of a great artist...
...A picture of a naked mistress suddenly flashed on the screen...
...Lizzaine tou ouot ze man zezz, not tou haou e zezz eet...
...The depth of my qualifications immediately made the editor double his proposed honorarium...
...I lack commitment, I went on, listing my shortcomings...
...is pronounced "Haouz iz yor mozeur...
...Where did you get the notion you'd be expected to watch tv programs...
...I'm not even sure the programs are bad...
...she asked...
...Bravos and a few oles filled the room time after time...
...Bidding me good night, my daughter said, "Zomeday when ai grow up ai want tou bey a grit artiste laike Pablo Picasso...
...I asked my eight-year-old daughter which shoot'em up, cowboy or private-eye thriller I should watch...
...I turned away and made a cutting motion with a finger across the throat, which my wife was supposed to interpret as "Get this child out of here...
...Go to bed," I said firmly...
...That did it...
...It's a terrible economic system, especially for artists...
...But ziz is e minor ponte," I told my daughter...
...Millions of American children were still awake and at their tv sets...
...What does he mean 'shared his life now with Francoise...
...My God, why aren't they hitting the beep button at the network...
...My kids never complain about them...
...I remembered what had happened to the moral fibre of Leonia, New Jersey after Jackie Mason made an adult gesture on the Ed Sullivan Show...
...Would you like to see it on my set...
...asked my daughter...
...The listing for Bravo, Picasso in TV Guide didn't say FOR ADULTS ONLY...
...I called up the editor and accepted the job as tv critic...
...What's a whore of Montmartre...
...he asked...
...It's like a fiancee," I explained...
...But my daughter was puzzled by Yves Montand's narration...
...What is a mistress...
...While I was trying to explain the arrondisement system of Paris, Montand blithely admitted that Picasso was a Communist...
...But there's going to be an art auction afterward," she said...
...During the first commercial break, I dug out a book review from a 1950 Paris edition of the New York Herald-Tribune which explained why Frenchmen like M. Montand speak that way...
...Does a model have to be engaged to an artist before she takes off her clothes...
...My daughter asked "What's Communism...
...The picture on our screen dissolved to a painting of a woman with two noses and three eyes...
...The paintings, drawings, ceramics and sculptures in the Picasso exhibits in Paris and the Dallas/Fort Worth museums came across beautifully on the trans-Atlantic television special...
...If my daughter ever joins the New Left or lives loosely, I'll sue nbc...
...Why don't you watch one program," he said, "and call me back...
...I realized that was a mistake as soon as Montand went into a technical analysis of Picasso's art...
...It was only 6:50 p.m...
...All the kids are watching Bravo, Picasso on nbc tonight," she recommended...
...Meanwhile, I'm planning to destroy the network as a critic...
...The truth is I hadn't watched a tv program in years...
...In order to be a great artist like Picasso," asked my daughter," do you have to be a mistress and a Communist...
...Because of her interest in art??she's one of the best drawers in her grade??I was sure she would be a big help in interpreting Picasso after the Rose Period...
...They don't have freedom of expression under Communism...
...How could he have two children with somebody he isn't even married to...
...I asked myself...
...That's for the square critics...
...But she missed her cue...
...Or that the job lacked security...
...I don't hate the networks with a passion...
...How long has this kind of Cinema Verite been going on at nbc...
...It wasn't only that the critics of the other more important arts would look down on me...
...The moral breakdown was starting already with kids not listening to their fathers...
...I looked at my watch...
...The medium is the message...
...he asked...
...my daughter asked...
Vol. 50 • February 1967 • No. 5
