A PAGE OF EXCLUSIVE FEATURES
A PAGE OF EXCLUSIVE FEATURES Bedtime Stories for the Bourgeoisie WE are frank to confess that we derived huge satisfaction last Saturday in watching the baseball team of Columbia University (an...
...But what i* to become of that raft of genuine and synthetic nobles when the bottom drops out of the market...
...The waste glowed in tho sun, one could scarce see the dull grey huts...
...Ogi: "In other words, you are going to give them your Socialist lecture...
...First thing* we know these ' fellows may get desperate and try to get jobs • digging coal, and, goodness know*, we have too many miners now, Adam Coaldigger...
...And then, of a sudden, blowie...
...Butte Is drab, its recreations arc the "1'cn" and gam-| Ming...
...My dear," says the husband, in haste, "all that is not to be taken literally...
...Ah, them Columbias is a ^bunch of bolognie...
...Oh yes, there are lots of things a fellow could do in this burg with a'million dollars per annum, but there would be no joy in doing them because the knowledge that "everybody is doing it" would take all the spice out of the performance...
...Into a monkey-house, jaws a-waggle over Mr...
...d-hahd castle on the Rhine, have it refurnished with bathtub* anil sanitary plumbing and then change my name from Adam Coaldlgger...
...And second: The established artist of any period is a man in sympathy with the guling classes of that period, and voicing their interests and ideals...
...None but a king could afford that grass, for the soil had to be brought from miles away where the earth was sweet, and then the lawn tended .like a sick baby...
...Better baboons than Babbitts...
...That is the inevitable finis to the biography of every individual rebel...
...Any one longing for champagne need only go to this region of the J Rockies and get the effect of a safe intoxicant...
...and what you ought to do is to put that dinnerparty into your book...
...It shall be explicity stated that you are not Mrs...
...I picked out easily the roof of the "Pen...
...And speaking of Babbitts, before we close, we w*nt again to sing the praise of Sinclair Lewis's new book, "Arrpwsrmth...
...Mamie, 'magine thinking we're descended from nasty old things like thtt...
...Indeed, who would live in Butte, if he could go elsewhere...
...And so he retires and cudgels his brain, and comes back with a new chapter—bearing, net th.' dignified title of "The Evolution of Social Classes," s» he had planned, but instead, a device to catch tho fancy of the idle and frivolous— Viscounts and i Discounts HERE ia sad news for those of my fellow lav mates of this great democracy who aspire te link their names with the blue blend of En-rope...
...I know—like all men, yeu want to have it both ways...
...They went forth to battle hut they always fell," might have been written of the majority of Columbia teams of the past Always excepting N. Y. U. and others of that ilk, defeat has been the major diet of Columbia's training tables...
...They point out that we are all grown up> now, that we haven't attended a college class forf more than fifteen years arid that the success or/fajiure of Columbia athletic teams actually means nothing in our lives...
...Ogi, who finishes her husband's sentences, as well as his manuscripts: "You promised me to write one book without propaganda...
...Ogi, "upon how stupid you are...
...tbhor the verse of John Erskine...
...That depends," says Mr...
...Ogi is the wife of the artist in general...
...The affair was particularly enjoyable due to the presence next to us of an offensive young man H»ho kept shouting, during the two innings in which N y U. was ahead...
...who inhabits the cave where this manuscript is produced...
...It is the richest country on earth, and the greatest country on earth, and the most democratic country on earth, and we are most intelligent people on earth, and ws have the grandest government on earth and all that—but what are all these things compared to the grandeur, luster, and magnificence connected with an English lord, German graf, or French marquis 7 Money Is nothing in itself...
...the Hairy Ape in person...
...don't you with1' 'you were here with me, ha-ha," ami so on until...
...Didn't you get a kick out of the picture of a creature no larger than a ten-year-old boy busting loose and scaring the wits—if any—out of a pack of full-grown men and women ? Here*was stuff for Eugene O'Neill...
...Says Mrs...
...Of Course, they had to get the cops out and shoot the animal...
...the green-eyed monster had devoured my last, acquaintance back in the Slate*, i Oh, you roughnecks don't have to think, I'm fooW ing...
...Have you ever been in Butte, that dingy town of some 50,000 souls...
...How could the Copper King forget the dire need of his rightful heir...
...Their money is no good unless they can spend it in a way that makes other folks feel like pikers...
...You remember that time when we went to the dinner-party at Mrs...
...Recently one of ous animated cloth rack*, popularly known as a movie queen, swapped her three expressions and bank roll for a French marquis...
...It is only such as they who save society from dry rot and putrefaction*— .Robert Blatchferd...
...The "Pen" id in the middle of the town...
...stenographer and saleeladie* can afford noblemen that can't be told from the real articles, our aristocracy will have to find new ways of blowing our money Of course, I don't worry so much about these folks...
...Possibility for joyous leisure there was none...
...Ain't it comical, athe way he ¦wings by his tail...
...Van Brocklin pitches his slow ball...
...The tailings stood out, of every color, mountain high...
...But they aire only fooling themselves...
...If the price of these commodities should fall to the point where even...
...Arrowsmith is a man of Pure science, a researcher who is never left alone by the quacks and go-getters of his profession who want quick results and flashy action...
...They have had the cops out to shoot bar-busters from the days of Athens to those of Central Park...
...It took us the present moment to discover that most of what had been 'old us was wrong and that we had not been told most...
...MRS...
...Whirl as it may, mother-earth can't shake off at Butte the fumes of copper...
...The tailings flow around and over the rabbit warrens where the human being live...
...Let it be explicitly stated that there has never been any hand-embroidered table-linen in this cave— never any sort of table-linen but paper napkin* since I've'becn in it...
...If not, you have missed seeing and feeling the most striking realization of the ruthlessness of modern business life—all ore sacrificed to the getting of profits by the few...
...Browning, "A Death In the Desert" « • • Th* agitators, from Christ downwards, hsve bern the salt of the earth...
...Then I would lay in a stocL-stPpicture postcards ihowing myself in front of the castle with the Discount on one side, and the DiscOuntess on tile other and a herd of bouquet-slinging, peasants in the background...
...And, as I said before, America is a goatt place to make money, but a devil of a place in which to spend it in greet style...
...If there was ever an exploited and oppressed people they are the bravo men and true who yearly do battle for Columbia on track and gridiron and diamond...
...As I drew mile bv,mile nearer the mining town, wPthat memorable journey in the spring of 1016, I noticed that even the tough hunch grass so characteristic of Montana was becoming sparser and browner, and at last there was the town off in the distance, robbed of all vegetation, a collection of shabby wooden houses pressed together, growing like warts on the vast heaps of mine tailings...
...I'll do my best to liven up the argument as you reques...
...But to take up the really serious aspects of life in a power-driven civilization, what do you know about that baboon or chimpanzee or whatever, getting loose in the Central Park Zoo the other day...
...Koppisch of Columbia sprinting to a touchdown...
...This 1* exactly what takes thousands el our American snobocrat* to Europe...
...Nevertheless, of a Saturday you are likely to find us up on South Field lending our magnificent basso to the chorus of, "Roar, lion, roar...
...Oh,'George, he looks almost human...
...There's one womun to every sixteen men, so the family cook stove is at a discount...
...In former days, they could have some cover here ami made an honest living ss barkeepers, but now this industry Is shut down for keeps...
...But I would not recommend for the experiment Butte itself j for as one approaches the kingdom r>C the Copper King not 'only the mental atmosphere grows thick, but the very earth aurus poisonous...
...Tho grass may hove been started by Marcus Daly, I've forgotten who the Croesus was who could grov grass in Butte...
...Cod'* country just as soon as their, pita ti WJQft The Goulds, Vsnderbilts'and Astors are all inter-., married with the European nobility and soar*, tens of thousands of the smaller fry of DoltsWr, The "Hunk*," "Dagoes," "Dutch," "WopaVVajUi...
...The "Pen" Is illegal, but the "Pen" exists, and the women, if you question them, believe the doctrines of Clemenceau...
...She goes on to maintain that the purpose of all propaganda is to put itself across...
...Gait | leries of booths or cubicles rise one) tier above another...
...The modern Croesus left a small jium to the mountain State for educational purposes...
...The air was clear as crystal, exhilarating...
...Entitle your next chapter 'The Influence of Lingerie on Literature,' or, 'The Soul of Man Under Silk Hosiery.'" ?"That's not bad," says Ogi, •'III use it later Meantime...
...So let the Fundamentalists fundament, let our earnest brethren make snoots at stark reality and sit around shifting the economic bases of society and write pieces about the ideals of the mifrers' pit-committees and what crooks are in every other movement...
...There's a rend i»S of bars, a defiant shriek of rage and the Lords and Ladles of Creation are falling over one another in their haste to get out of the presence of a hsiry thing, chattering with rage and swinging long arms in unwonted freedom...
...My dear," says Ogi, patiently, "you were tfic one who Aaat pointed out to me the significance of handembroidered table-linen in the history of art...
...I saw Butte last under a) blazing sun...
...Qr, I could motor down to Carlinville in my Packard and be crowded into the ditch by a second-hand Ford, navigated by a soused peasant...
...Our engineer *no hasn't read a novel for the past ten years was bemoaning the fact that no one would give him either time or money enough to make some experiments on tht heating value of coal that might •»*¦ us all millions of dollars...
...she is the human tie that binds him to the group, and forces him to conform to group conventions...
...And that is the reason why our most successful money-makers turn their baekg-jm...
...Nicholas Murray Butler is one of^ur pet aversions and wa...
...I muat modify that...
...May we point out that the cause of Columbia athletics is one that should appeal to all true underdog fanciers...
...Well, somebody is always taking the joy out of life...
...In get the real value out of the stuff, it qjuat be spent in such manner' that It will arouse the envy of our fellow men...
...And we have a deep admiration for the subtle manner with which Mr...
...I saw a small patch as big as the office of The New Leader in front of the house of one of the copper magnates...
...The place doesn't draw women, except of a sort...
...Wake the echoes of the Hudson Valley...
...Solicitous friends of ours—and, gosh, how many we have gott—want us to go and be psyched to find out why, among other failings, we should be suffering from what they call a "collegian complex...
...PROGRESS Progress, man's distinctive mark slone, Not God's and not the beast's: God is, they arts Man partly is, end wholly hope* to be...
...To people Of this kind the purpose of life is to put on dog, which means to outspend the other fellow...
...Heay Seller's-" "Yes, I remember...
...The truth of its central theinc was brought forcibly to our attention during an interview with an engineer just yesterday...
...The hldeousness of Butte will never he blotted from my memory...
...Indeed, it can be safely said that if It were not for the American dollars which our home-brewed aristocrats are constantly investing in nobility, that specleswould have become cKtinct long ago...
...Butte, Clark's Neglected Orphan "THE WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW" By HARRIOT STANTON BLATCH i - LAST week the will of William Andrews Clark, .sometime United States Senator from Montana, was probated...
...With heads hung low, we admit this hard impeachment...
...Everybody will assume——" "I won't let them assume...
...here may think they escaped from the blooded aristocracy of their home lands...
...Just the sa.-ie, if we had bur choice, we could easier spare some flat-foot cops than have such a flaming spirit as was loose for a few glorious moments ?he other day go down before a drab bullet...
...At the doors sit the daughters of Eve displaying their charms, and Adam pays in l copper's wages and makes choice...
...Johnny Bull*" who are doing the dirty work over...
...Not a single beautiful building dominated the mountain of waste...
...There's not much home life in Butte, you know...
...to Otto Ottokar Graf von Srhwlllenitein Saufenlieun bei Donnerwetter...
...No, sirree, Bob^you couldn't catch me In God's . mint v if I had a million dollars to blow in every year, I'd do exactly whst all "better and best' class" Americans are doing, I would buy me' a sc...
...Ogi's husband: "But—" Says Mrs...
...Macfaddcn's latest Confession magazine in their pockets to peer and leer and make loud comment on a poor little" baboon pent up in a cage...
...for our part we are proud to sneak away one afternoon a week and holler, "Yale luck" when an Eli makes a home run off our pitcher...
...But—" once more—"this is a book to prove that all books are propaganda...
...First: The artist is a social product, his psychology and that of his art works being determined by the economic forces prevailing in his time...
...Thus doee Nsture •opy art...
...The house was closed, usually closed, I was told...
...It's like a great circus...
...In this complex of ours they find farther evidence of our essential superficiality, our refusal to fare stark reality, our attempts to escape the fundamentals...
...the essence of it being a new camouflage, which keeps the reader from knowing what he is getting...
...It was back in 1010 that I first visited the mining centre in the high altitudes of Montana...
...Year after year, various portions of the family heritage vanish in the wake of fresh Columbia defeats...
...Would that its ugliness could have been ameliorated by an art treasure or two...
...We emerged from exposure to it with little but a taste for dark beer and tripe, three or four pre-Raphaelite poets and bat-winged neckties...
...If this be true, the next step to the understanding of art, and the history of art periods past and present, is to understand the economic forces controlling mankind...
...Now, suppose that I had an Income of a million smackers per annum, how could 1 arouse the anvy of my townsmen in this burg of, Springfield ? J could go to the movies, of course—and find myself next to a powder-marked coaldlgger who digs me in the ribs every time he catches the joke...
...Says Mrs...
...In the areni the clients walk inquiringly...
...Marcus Daly, you know, was the protagonist of Clark in the copper drama...
...The shacks seemed to huddle together to make room for the expansive needs of business...
...OGI EMERGES Mammonart—Chap VII...
...In disposing of his things of beauty the Copper King quite forgot Butte, the shabby orphan from whom he wrenched all his earthly wealth...
...The laws of Montana ate ndf based on the philosophy of life farmer French Premier, but the] deeds of Butte are...
...We get that far, when the argument is broken in upon by the particular Mrs...
...If you imagine that people who take up a discussion .of srt standards are going to read a discourse on the history of socisl revolutions, I call you silly, and you aren't going to alter my opinion by calling me Mrs...
...Or, I would buy a mortgage on a chateau in Burgundy and make the Marquis, Viscount, Discount, or No-Count marry my daughter*" or find himself panhandling free luncherofl Fifth Avenue...
...It still did not have when I was last there a public library, or a reading-room, recreation cen|re, athletic field...
...This country is all right, so far as it goes...
...He was the one who brought charges against the Senator in his first election in 1899, the end of which was that the Senate refused Clark a seat In its august chamber...
...Then I would send the cans to my former neighbor*, relatives, and Jjl*nde<baok home, and make them ooxe emerald gxeasVenvy out of very pore in their hides...
...McAlister Coleman...
...Prostitution Is run on the principle laid down bV i ir me ticca u when he was asked-by | sonic well-meaning ladies to siuy ; the American army from the cour» tesans of Paris—"prostitution is ;d> ancient, honorable profession, u cannot interfere with its proscripl tiye rights...
...And besides the appeal to our sympathies there is the economic phase which surely should interest our Fundamentalist friends...
...Now along comes the French press and say* the marquis, count, duke and prince business is pure swindle, ss the revolution of 1789 abolished all titles and that since then any Frenchmau caa pick up a title out of the junkpile and strut around in it without getting pinohed for obtaining American fortunes under false pretenses...
...ft {girlie that fox, Columbia as an educational renter we have no hig.: regard...
...Or I could invest a swell radio and listen to Chicago jass, chautauqua kultur, and Cal's speeches improved by statics...
...a • » * » ' \ don't know what effect the expose of the I French press will hsve on the duke, lord, count, viscount and discount market...
...Wrlgley's latest, eyes popped, foreheads damp with sweat, march the Lords of Creation with copies of The Dally News and Mr...
...And can I conduct a propaganda for propaganda that isn't propaganda...
...Think what Clark might have done for Butte, that ugly mountain town, the source of all his wealth...
...From every ton of coal"' or ore they drag opt of the mine, from every pig they stick in Packingtown, from every piece of soap they make, from every car pulled over Esds bridge, a generous portion finds its way into the fond for the rehabilitation of the devastated nobility of the old world...
...On top of that, I would write letters to the home papers interspersed with casusl remarks like, "had luncheon with ?oH Rassberry, bully chappy," "motored from Blares to Beaney-burg with Chevalier Annan D'Busted a La Mode," i "took in Rome with Baron and Baroness Hani upsky and Grand Duke Ivanitch Whichiswhich," "saw El Troupadore in La Scale in box with Borgio Mono It'Laslcapperino," "just ran over to q*ear old Geneva, the wine is excellent...
...By UPTON SINCLAIR I WE NOW assume as demonstrated the following propositions...
...But the "Pen" is a great feature of flie life of the town...
...A PAGE OF EXCLUSIVE FEATURES Bedtime Stories for the Bourgeoisie WE are frank to confess that we derived huge satisfaction last Saturday in watching the baseball team of Columbia University (an institution whose halls we once adorned back in the dark ages of 1909) trim the lights and livers out of New York University, that near-bear education-factory with its appalling output of slick bond salesmen, gyp lawyers and clever ad writers...
...His art treasures he bequeathed to New York, but if the Metropolitan Museum does not accept the conditions of the bequest, his collections are to go to the national capital...
...Hope, triumphing over experience, is alwaya whispering, "This- time you may win," and pretty gear every time there's no dope in hope...
...There's not a tree in Butte, not a blade of grass...
...the evolution and struggle of classes...
...Money-getting counted for all, humanity for nothing...
...We know of few eights better calculated to stir us than that of Mr...
Vol. 2 • April 1925 • No. 16
