A PAGE OF EXCLUSIVE FEATURES
A PAGE OF EXCLUSIVE FEATURES Bedtime Stories for the Bourgeoisie Well, boy* *nd girl* (wire, the girl* »r« allow d lu reM' thi* Huff; it just goe» to *how how -1 tolerant we are getting toward...
...f The Black Panther speeds to the Bronx in a taxicab, which he pays for from the latest con-'brnment of Moscow gold, and Mortimer calls up Archie Stevenson t and tells him to come a-run-"'ng, that he has found the headquarters of the neds...
...He let loose that terrible, scorching, blistering oath that he had nsed on the Germans...
...working-cla**), aad on May 10th, Decoratioa Day...
...Take that and that...
...answered Warren...
...First, the elevator breaks down...
...Even when we explained that we were in Herrin,.Illinois, working for the miners, and had taken all our yachts and oil paintings and polo ponies and grand organs out there, they continued to be snooty about the business and said they would sue us So now we got a suit...
...I began at the beginning of Charlie's career1, at that tii -i great deed of his, when he stationed himself well behind the lines, pulled * fierce face, swoA lustily at the (ierinan*, and thus won the war...
...Well, Symphony Hall was rented, the debate took place, and Boston was treated to one of the most dignified, excellently managed, intellectual discussions in years...
...Warren Fitzgerald of Boston...
...it is tho young man, who is new and enthusiastic, who needs the stimulation that comes from encouragement and appreciation of his fellow-comrades...
...Vow take your punishment like aaaaMC"-McAUatanr Ccamaaasak "AND HE TURNED THE TRICK" By HENRY FRUCHTER WE in the Socialist, movement are too prone to give our entire measure of appreciation to the leaders, ignoring the fact that with a Eugene V. Debs at the head there are many-young Debs's in our midst hungrily in need of a slight share of our esteem...
...Like pistol-shots the blows of the tall, blonde young American fell flush on the jaw of the trembling anarchist...
...When I heard it on the radio I wondored and wondered, but when I found out about the velvet pants I understood...
...Now, if I had hit a sulphur or a black-jack in that bole, I would have had my hands full, which would have kept my head empty...
...institution...
...I will be responsible...
...Now Charlie ranks as a composer—he has written one little piece...
...Well, 1 thought of that and then just kept on •peculating...
...When he let out that outburst in that committee1 hearing, it wat ¦ limply Helen Maria—not Hell an' Maria...
...He just don't...
...They made him a General for that...
...It was in the middle of the afternoon, the time for a nap for babies and grandfathers, bat the energetic, voclferoua Charlie—what could explain It...
...The wearing of thli n»it* face of Charlie'* cost the Sugar Trust its deft at...
...The next instant Mortimer Atd the miscreant by the collar and was dragging him.to his feet...
...No, folks, Cbnrlie ia not the hard character that he looks...
...Ig°& to wondering what brand Charlie uses, anywly...
...Crack...
...You havevtUflcdT my aunt...
...Mar is-Sl iiwiii.ii* ft In E. Ploetz'a Echo Cafe at Northern Boulevard and I02d Street, Corona, I I. Mar -.-!n4 an* TIr.l BRONX, N. Y. At 4215 Third Avenue, Norfhweit corner of 3rd Avenue and Tr«-mont Avenue...
...he Black Panther releases tho tall, blonde young American and Mortimer discovers the sig-mncanj...
...However, they said that no matter how hard we swore, we couldn't swear off the $760, because we should have come down there and done it in person-when they sent us the notice...
...256-256 Central Avenue, Jersey City...
...All the Sherlock* in the country have been trying to solve the mystery—why the afternoon nap...
...Warren Fitzgerald, a member of the Y. P. S. L., was suddenly promoted to the position of organizer of the New England section of our movement...
...Assessments will be received at the following places: NEW YORK - MANHATTAN In the office of the Society, No...
...In Nepirodas Hall...
...But historian* te)l ns that Rome was once saved by the cackling of geese...
...I will teach you to join the Committee of Forty-eight and criticise the Federal Reserve Act and our other glorious institutions...
...And right away in walks Charlie, He sits down, throws that fierce look at tho committee members, the stenographer and .the reporters, and everybody was uneasy from that minute on...
...At these words, Mortimer Arnold kicked back his'chair, his blue eyes blazing with righteous anger, and strode towards the beer stained table where Worumski, the cowardly little Russian who but a moment before had been loud in his criticism, of the Interstate Commerce Commission, sat gibbering with fear...
...No one seems to have figured it out—that is, no i one but me, and I hereby announce it to a waiting world: By nature Charlie was endowed with an angelic countenance...
...420 Ber-genline Avenue, West Hobeken, New Jcr.rv Imih AprU i: m Ineluilt* BROOKLYN, N. Y. In Brooklyn Labor Lyceum...
...Now take your punishment like a man...
...You'd expect from Charlie, the Terrible, regular Hell an' Maria music, where all horns blare as loud as possible, but it's not, it's just a gentle little piece of music, almost a lullaby, real sentimental-like...
...Bronx, New York...
...241 I mi 64th Street, i 'i I,in \ i,i II nth until Mar 1*1 k JERSEY CITY AND H0B0KEN In the Clubhouie, No...
...Crack...
...I rum \prll 14-Mw 1* iMlavlt* LONG ISLAND CITY AND VICINITY In Ktenk* Hall, 41) Astoria Avenue, corner 13th Avenue, Long Island City...
...To make of himself a stern-faced capitalist, he put on that fierce face and pulled down the corners of that pretty mouth...
...My dear, congratulate me...
...Beunds simple, doesn't it...
...No, 949 Willoughby Avenue, Brooklyn, New York...
...Ncvay sold rag* and old iron to get money to buy tobacco—never shot a snipe when a kid...
...Mortimer and the Black Panther engage in a life-and-death struggle, swaying precariously on the edge of Joe, the Penman'*, desk...
...H* would dash hi* moith with soap if the faintest little damn happened to slip out...
...Pred goes back to the mtw York Commercial and writes a five-column slpry about the plot On the fifth floor, Mortimer comes to the den of the Black Panther...
...We really cheated about Isabel, because at the time she was in her usual condition and we had reason to believe that the etork or whatever bird it is that brings kittens was hovering in our neighborhood...
...Now this sort of a face and mouth were not in line with the sort of career Charlie craved...
...he swore tu save the Constitution...
...I am led to these observations by a recent performance of one of our younger Socialists that deserves the highest credit...
...From now on, you see, it's easy...
...From the moment that Fred and Mortimer step into the elevator all sorts of things begin to happen...
...Which explains why Charlie was chosen to run for Vice-President—after Borah and l/owden wouldn't have it...
...Tbe office bear* far jail pi**** are ham 9 A. M. t* g P. M . Satar-days la I P. M. THE BOARD OP MANAGEMENT...
...In a death-like silence, the stricken Worumski went tottering from the room...
...Just as a hint of the treat that'a in store, well tell you the opening paragraph...
...Charlie is a gentle soul...
...Thai struck me as queer at tha time, for money never is wasted or stolen in war time...
...With resolution, self-confic'ence and a rich fund of ideas, he set about the task of giving Boston a big affair, something to arouse the hopes of the comrades and inject new spirit into its local movement...
...Now you try holding' your face \a an unnatural' position all morning and see if "you won't be obliged to rcat it during the afternoon if you want to screw it back for the evening...
...Warren was determined to make good...
...It was evident to all present that by his actions the intrepid, blonde, young American had not made a.friend of the seditious Russian...
...Then they broke the glad news to us that we were officially much better off than we had imagined we went down to the Municipal Building and laid all the personal property we had was a sec-end-hand Remington typewriter and Isabel, our black cat...
...Just in time for Easter, too...
...He is not the »tern, grim, fierce he-man he looks to be...
...The city told us that we owed them $750 for personal taxes...
...Now after having this picture of Charlie, it'* hard to believe what I've found out, that he was raised In regret pant*,, With a velvet blouse, with a big broad collar that lay oVcr'hls shoulders...
...and alarming fact that upon the wall pm hie head is a picture of Karl Marx...
...But while we read all the little book* that the feller in Scran ton sen', us and answered all th* Questions he could think up, nobody but the City of New York figured out that we were filthy with jack...
...Workmen's Furniture Fire Insurance Society nr* HE other day when I was working, my 1 buddy was off and the turn was cominjr alow...
...Archie, however, falls down on tho job, having »*en there before and not being much interested ™ these matters any more, now that Helen Gould "as cut off her contribution*, and Mortimer is left alone to face tha ferocious Joe, the Penman...
...But anyway, a committee from Congress was appointed and sent for witnesses...
...In the rush to get out, three Congressmen got a broken leg apiece, one newspaper man broke his collar-hone rolling down the Capitol steps, and they all lost their hats ami heads, and I guess none of them ever went bark because that was the last of the hearings...
...Hell and Maria...
...Now, it may have struck some folks as awful strange that when Cal needed Charlie to untie that Senate vote to put the Sugar trust man over for Attorney-General, Charlie was sleeping in his hotel room...
...The result was something awful, i got this straight from a fellow whose wife's cousin is a stenographer in the Agriculture Department at Washington...
...James...
...Seem* like "the Dawesos thought little Charlie's talents nm to music so they put him at the violin...
...Just aa it look* as though it were all up with jar hero, the Black Panther gets a telephone call ffom his wife in the Bronx, who wants to know *Wt the hell is detaining him...
...As a result of the placing of that sulphur and the black-jack severaj million years ago, 1 got the chance to speculate about Charlie, the Terrible, that new Vice-President the country'* got...
...Nobody else was around and while 1 was drilling a hole—I got to studying and thinking, for company—like a fellow will do, you know...
...It's another case of looks being deceiving...
...The Forum wired back: "Symphony Hall is a big place, where is the money, ] what arc the chances of success, who will be responsible...
...And as if to reward this young enthusiast, I just learn that the anly Socialist organizer in the United State* who will have Eugene V. Dobs for May 1 is Mr...
...Warren earned some money for the party, enhanced the prestige of the movement a hundred-fold and placed himself immediately in the foremost ranks of local organizers...
...Mortimer'suspects that Worumski is a me in / bar of a seditions gang of Reds, plotting to over-Brow Fred Marvin of the New York Commercial, and, with Fred's assistance, Mortimer trails Worumski to the head den of this gang in a building on East 16th street, which is disguised as an educations...
...We didn't have time for such business...
...lrst you get a plot and then you sit down at .<>dynamiter, practically any make will do, and write 6,000 words about the plot...
...He had heard about some big debates being held in New York...
...The only natural rble for our Charlie to play in politics would be to serve as Ambassador to tht,I Court of 8t...
...Attired again In the'Velvet pants, gentle Charlie could cease that tiring effort of trying to look terrible...
...His mouth is one of those nice little Cupid's bow affairs, a* one fellow said, on* that any pretty girl would envy...
...Write stories of adventure and mystery for the action magazines...
...Adam Coaldigger...
...Hold your hats and we will let you in on the Secret of Success...
...The veteran in our movement is generally strengthened by a deep, inner idealism that is mature and independent of external foicjs...
...From April I:: IS larlaslte WEST HOBOKEN, TOWN OF UNION, WEST NEW YORK, etc...
...You've heard the stoYy of the rabbit, haven't you, that got one drop of corn linuor on his tongue ami then hunted up a bull dog to spit in hi* fare...
...Workmen's Furniture Fire Insurance Society Notice is hereby given to nil the member* that the assess ment amounts to 10 cent*'for each hundred dollar* of insurance...
...He discovers that the Black Panther is the den namr used by Eddie Levin-*on- (Hats off, the gag is passing by...
...But what stand' out, however, was the splendid manner of arrangement, the system and efficiency that marked every move, the enterprise and resourcefulness that enabled him to literally "turn them away" by the thousands...
...Mortimer, suspecting a fiendish plot, ge/s off and walks up Ave flights...
...I want to arrange a big debate," he telegraphed to the National 1 Labor I Forum of New York, "a debate ia Symphony Hall, Boston...
...A little bit more of praise and' less of cynicism and derision—these will go a long way toward keeping nglow the idealism and interest of out-youthful adherents...
...It was a big job, involving great responsibility...
...They asked him his name, age and occupation, like they do at a coroner's inquest over a coal digger, and they asked hi in it any books were kept about that money...
...Well, it is...
...You have vilified my flag...
...I ."in Mar 1 ¦'¦ Jm" 1*1 l*«lu»l<* All tb*M offices will b* elesad oa dgindaya, also oa May 1st (beiac Vji.holid*v of th...
...After the war was over some pooplo thought some other people had been cureless in spending some of the billions gathered in by the sale of Liberty bonds...
...t week we will show you hew to use plot in a Western setting, with bandits in place of it*ds...
...the voice of the tall, blonde young American cut like a whip-lash through the fetid atmosphere of the low dive, "you have in- ' suited my country and her institutions...
...And then on Inauguration Day he went into the Senate to introduce himself to the bunch that lie's to preside over, and he swore at them, with the fiercest face he had ever worn and.with his mouth pulled down at the corners something awful...
...And when he got in th* war the face was made to appear fiercer and the corner* of the mouth were pulled down more than ever...
...Simple, isn't it...
...Personal taxes, you understand, m*an taxes on yachts, pianos, oil paintings, polo ponies and grand organs...
...Worumski slink* back to his den, vowing revenge on Mortimer...
...it just goe» to *how how -1 tolerant we are getting toward the weaker »ex, ' 1*', them read the fame thing* a* w* men and go to lecture* with us and evert smoke), we have just found out how to get awfully lich...
...the voice of the tall, '^^M young American cut like a whip-lash through the fetid atmosphere oT the Two Gulp Saloogi^S(*»J have insulted my girl friend...
...Why, he learned to smoke that funny pipe just * few years ago in the army...
...And I am sure it will not be detracting from the credit of Fitzgerald's co-workers to say that had it not been for him the calendar of activity of Boston for the month of March would have been marked by a zero, instead of being credited with a performance of eat importance and success...
...But if we hsd to pay taxes every time the stork came to Isabel we might as well pick out a nice cool cell in the Ludlow street jail and surrender ourselves to • life sentence...
...You know the kind of kid that/ Brigga, the cartoonist, says need* a friend...
...But if you want to jet unofficially rich, here'* how...
...He swore at the farmer, he awore at the w-oikingiimn...
...I'm vi«e-presi dent of the Herring Fertiliser Company, and it's ell because 1 took that course...
...Theu Charlie found himself on the trail of Battling Bob anil he wore his fierce face every day...
...He stamped his feet, waved his arms, shook his fists and might nigh outdone Billy Sunday...
...And right here Is where he got his reputation aa a he-man...
...Of course, successful affairs of this type have been arranged before...
...cried Mortimer, *• that allMn the room might hear...
...So w* won't tell you what happened to ¦ortimer, except to assure yon that he got out 1 the den all right and married Chaunc*y De-••Wi niece and lived happily ever after...
...a| it m Seme years ago, when we decided to get aw-¦ffully rich, we subscribed to one of those corre-if spondence counes where the guy reads all th* little book* about success and how to get to be •resident of the company, and then one night he comes dashing in to neck his wife and holktr...
...New we don't want to make this too e*sy for >»n...
...Worumski...
...Just to get you started we will show you how to go about it ***** "Worumskl...
Vol. 2 • April 1925 • No. 15
